One of the hardest parts about graduating college was the inevidible day when all my friends moved away. Rhode Island attracts a lot of students from New York, New Jersey and Connecticut, or “Tri-Staters” as my friend and I would say. It was great to meet up with these people, to share a common understanding of what a hard roll actually is and laugh at how obviously it was the Rhode Islanders–not us–who had the funny accents.
The not-so-great part is that most of these Tri-Staters had no intentions of sticking around after graduation. So as I made the choice to stay in the Ocean State, my friends and roomates loaded up their cars and headed home.
As time passed, it got easier. I have some great friends who are local and still see the ones who moved away every so often. But now things are changing. And anyone who knows me will tell you, I don’t do well with change.
Ashley is packing up her stuff and moving to the northern part of the state. Now, I understand that this is not a HUGE deal. If nothing else, Rhode Island is small. I can get to her new apartment in a half hour. 40 minutes if I hit traffic. But, right now she lives 10 minutes away. And before that she lived three minutes down the road. And even with the knowledge that her job is walking distance from my house, I am still beginning to slightly panic that I will hardly see her.
Then there’s Elle…my other half from college. Come fall she will have moved to D.C. And while I couldn’t be happier for her, starting a new life in a new town with a great career, I can’t help but be sad. Because while we don’t see each other too often, if we missed each other too much, she was just a short car ride away.
This all brings me to last night. As I climbed in my friend’s car to head to dinner, she casually said “I want to talk about my thoughts on moving. But not till we get to dinner.”
My heart stopped. The mere fact that she didn’t want to talk about it until I was in a public place with a glass of wine in front of me made it perfectly clear: I’m losing her too.
While she hasn’t made any final decisions, it’s looking pretty good that by next year she will be on the opposite coast, an entire country separating us. I quietly sipped my wine–willing myself to drink slow–as she talked animatedly about her plans to fly out there this summer and see if it was right for her. When she asked me what I thought I had two options: try and convince her to stay (for purely selfish reasons) or tell her to go. So I said what I know was right.
“You should go. I’m sure you’re going to love it.”
I hoped my smile, which felt tight and forced, came across as genuine. While I want nothing but the best for her, I can’t help feeling that with her departure a lot will change.
I can’t help feeling like not only is everyone leaving, but they’re leaving me. I guess it’s part of life. When my friends from high school returned home after college, I stayed put. But it seems different now. With classes and weekly parties a thing of the past, it’s really hard to meet new people. Where does a 20-something meet new friends?
Actually–and this might sound really pathetic–the person I’ve started to become really close with lately, the person I am actually beginning to think of as a friend…I’ve never actually met. Apparently blogging is the new online dating. Just for friends.
24, blonde hair, brown eyes. Loves martinis, shoes, bad TV and good pizza.
Any takers?
11 comments
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July 19, 2007 at 11:11 am
Courtney
Your post hit home as a high school friend and I recently discussed how our friends have changed and not just because they’ve moved away, it’s that everyone is on a different page whether it be married, with children, immersed in busy jobs, etc.
I, too, wonder outside of work where to meet fun people to spend time with. I’m a taker! I’m an espresso martini fan, an easy shoe shopper, I enjoy bad TV (hello, Lifetime!) and pizza is yum…
July 19, 2007 at 11:19 am
kwarterlifecrisis
Me! Me! Me!
I’m 23m (ok 24 in like two weeks), brown hair, hazel eyes. Loves shopping, photography/design, dogs and macaroni and cheese.
Do you take me back?
In all seriousness though, I am glad I’m not the only one who wonders where the hell 20-something girls meet friends. I was one of those people who packed my bags and moved away and now that I’m here, it’s super hard to meet people. I sometimes feel like a loser because my ‘group’ of girlfriends in this city is, oh, about two people. Dammit, it’s hard!
July 19, 2007 at 11:25 am
Ashley
I’m not going anywhere. Well. To Providence. But still - could not survive without you. <3
PS I know what a hard roll is. And I don’t understand what the big deal is.
just an FYI
July 19, 2007 at 11:31 am
sasharay
Well, even if it is merely internet friendships, I am not going anywhere.
July 19, 2007 at 11:38 am
clinkny
You’re making me all emotional. For serious.
If I had a car here in NYC, we’d have already met. As is, you make my days at work that much better/more interesting.
And telling me that my fiance’s ex-girlfriend looks like a man? Well I could just kiss you for that!
July 19, 2007 at 12:23 pm
Dani
Well, the first thing is…being from New York, I personally think hard rolls kind of suck!
I love you though!
As for the moving part…well, I left all my friends behind back east and it has been the biggest adjustment, but it gets easy. I feel like the reason why girls of our age group have the hardest time meeting each other is because we aren’t assertive enough. No seriously…we still judge when we actually do go out…snickering and making jokes and when we actually find someone who could be a potential friend in a normal atmospehere, we typically won’t do anything about it. Atleast this has been my experience.
Now who is this wonderful person who is moving to the west coast? and is it by chance LA?
July 19, 2007 at 8:10 pm
DG
I completely understand what you are talking about. It’s funny how in high school and college you’re group of friends is like 12. And then you grow up and slowly it dwindles to two or three. I know a ton of people but can only really trust 3. Those are girls that love me and will always be there for me. And one of them doesn’t live near me at all.
Internet friends is SO the new pen pals
July 19, 2007 at 9:10 pm
JC
I live near DC - 25 miles away - let me know if you want to use me as a surrogate….or want her to have a safety net down here.
Mike will offer me a good reference. And, since I’m a gemini, maybe 2 references - bwaahhahhahaaa. If i were bi - polar, he might have to give you 4 references on me!
Just say the word and I will be an older brother for her.
July 19, 2007 at 9:24 pm
Mike
John, I warned you, stay away!
Molly, he really is a good guy. A little odd, but he means well.
July 20, 2007 at 8:07 am
Princess Taj
Thank you thank you thank you for this post!! I thought I was the only 20-something that was having a hard time adjusting to the changes that have come my way.
As my sister quotes, “Bitter, party of one.”
My close college and high school girlfriends have all married, had children, and some have moved away. Their priorities change, and the last thing they want to talk about is, “Oh my god, I went out last night, and wore the cutest dress, and met the cutest guy….” Their world has changed, and mine hasn’t - well, I guess you could say mine has evolved, but definitely not done a complete overhaul.
Can’t offer any advice on how to meet people - but just wanted to reassure you, I’m floating in the sameeeeeeee boat.
February 4, 2008 at 4:18 pm
khaki584
As a fellow 23 year old, I totally sympathize with you. It’s so hard to meet new people and while I moved to a different city after college and my roommate was someone I was friends with in college, she had a boyfriend she was always with. It was a lot of nights watching movies or TV shows. Slowly but surely I am meeting new people though and making friendships. It helps when your boyfriend has been here 5 years and already has a lot of great friends that I really enjoy spending time with.