My mom and I went shopping on Saturday and when she came out of the dressing room in a pair of jeans, I told her she must buy them immediately. Her butt looked fantastic. I told her as much and she protested, saying that it looked like a bubble butt, that the legs were too tight, that she was too old to be wearing pants like that.

My mother? Is crazy. Because I would kill for her long legs and ignoring her protests, I convinced her that despite her being a 50-something woman, that butt was not a 50-something butt.

She bought the jeans. But since the jeans actually fit (read: are not baggy), she had to get used to the denim being a little closer to her stomach.

“It doesn’t look fat?” she asked over and over.

“No,” I told her. “You look great. You do not have a Fupa.”

“A what?” she replied.

“A fat, upper…pussy…area,” I explained.

“MOLLY!”

Have you ever had to explain a Fupa to your mother? In a public dressing room? It’s…interesting.

And later on I had to explain to my aunt what a MILF is.

I suddenly feel like a 14-year old boy.