All week I have felt un-cute. Maybe it was because I was hormonal. Maybe it was the awful humidity that refused to let my hair look normal. Maybe it’s because I’m tired of my summer clothes and want to buy a new fall wardrobe. Or maybe it’s because I’ve been down on myself because of the upcoming visit of a friend and his girlfriend.

Tonight our good friend Brian will arrive with his brand spanking new girlfriend to spend the weekend at our house. Aside from the additional freak out I’m having over my once crazy, serial dating, slightly man-whore friend having a girlfriend, I am already feeling like the ugly duckling.

I’ve never met this girl. Never seen a picture, hell, I don’t even know her name. But I know his type so not knowing her has not stopped me from making her out to be a petite, bronzed, gorgeous woman with a mane of jet black hair streaming down her back. In my head, next to this mystery woman, I am a big, white, dumpy cow.

Moo.

I’ve been agonizing over it for weeks. I’ve discussed it over email (and bottles of wine) with my friends, who all have promised that if I hate her, they will too. It is girl-code, after all.

Here’s the thing: I KNOW I’m probably being irrational. Maybe she’s completely ugly. Maybe she’s gorgeous but so nice I won’t be able to help liking her. I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to her, but I am. It’s not the first time I’ve compared myself to another woman and I know it won’t be the last.

Usually when I’m feeling down on myself, I buy a pair of shoes. I buy shoes when I’m feeling great about myself too, but nothing makes my day brighter than something new adorning my feet. But today I won’t buy shoes. Today I’ll suck it up.

Today I also put on a really cute, trendy outfit, swirled and tapped my Bare Minerals to create a flawless face and straightened my hair to a shiny blonde.

Today I have banished the un-cute and am determined to face this woman–and my issues–head on.