Words of Advice

August 31, 2007 in college, sister

My baby sister leaves for college tomorrow. I say baby because with seven years between us, I always think of her as little. It doesn’t matter that she turns 18 (oh my god) on Sunday. She will always be my little sister.

I’ve thought long and hard about the advice I could send her off with. The Do’s and Dont’s I learned along the way. So I’m making her a list (mostly based on personal experience) and I’m asking you to help a sister out and tell me what you learned in college. I’ll compile it all and send it off to her. She can share it with her friends and be the most popular girl in school. Really!

Dining hall food is awful. Because of this, you will find the one thing that isn’t awful and eat it all the time. Make sure this food is not grilled cheese. Grilled cheese makes you fat.
Speaking of fat, it’s not a rumor. If you drink all the time and eat a lot of grilled cheese, you will gain the Freshman Fifteen.
Living with someone is a challenge. No matter how much you like them, if they leave a bowl of milk and cereal in their bed the day your parents come to visit, you have to say something.
Express common courtesy. Don’t sexile (locking them out for a booty call) your roommate. That’s just mean.
What Dad said was true. Most guys are after one thing. It’s OK to have fun, but be safe. ALWAYS be safe.
Use common sense. It’s probably not the best idea to drink the punch out of the storage container that’s sitting on the bathroom floor of a frat.
You’ve heard it a thousand times, but it’s true. Don’t get in a car with someone who has been drinking. Please.
Go to class. The whole point of college is to, you know, learn. College classes aren’t like high school. They’re interesting. Go. Do the work. Pass. You won’t regret it.
Get involved. It’s a great way to meet lots of different people. (I joined the Student Entertainment Committee and a sorority and met some of my closest friends and my boyfriend.)
If a class is only offered in the fall, sell the book back at the end of the spring semester. You’ll get more money back that way.
Call home. Your family misses you.
When you go out, always have a buddy. And take care of each other. If your friend disappears into a bathroom stall with a random guy, go find her.
Take lots of pictures. You’ll want to remember it all.

Alright, that’s all I’ve got for now. So I’m counting on you to beef up the list. What advice do you have for my sister?

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39 comments

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August 31, 2007 at 10:23 am

kwarterlifecrisis

That is the cutest picture ever. I LOVED bike shorts.

As for the advice, mine kind of goes along with yours about the whole roommate thing – Always keep talking to each other. If you just sweep things under the rug, you’ll eventually trip over the lump you made. And then you might find yourself living in a room the size of a shoebox with a girl who hasn’t said a word to you in over a month and has put post-its over your face in all of her pictures.

Not that I would know or, umm, anything, but yeah. Communication is important. Assigning a chore list helps too so you can hold each other accountable for doing the dishes and emptying the garbage can full of stinky old beer bottles.

And also, like you said, enjoy it. Four years seems like a long time, but it’s not.

August 31, 2007 at 10:27 am

Michelle

Keep in touch with high school friends as much as possible. You’ll all make new friends in college, but you never want to forget the old ones. They were friends for a reason too.

Sign up for as few 8 am classes as you can. No matter how much of a morning person you are, that’s just too damn early to soak up the knowledge to pass the final.

August 31, 2007 at 10:37 am

Courtney

Be open to meeting new people, trying to arrange your room the way your roommate suggests, and taking a class on something you don’t know too much about.

Your college friendships will overshadow your high school ones since you will see your high school friends less (most likely). But don’t forget that when you graduate college and enter the “real world” that you’ll again be thrown into the mix. You’ll want to have kept in touch with ALL friends, not just those who were conveniently at your fingertips in your dorm or whatever.

If that makes any sense, I hope. Love the photo. You guys look so happy.

August 31, 2007 at 10:50 am

aernyc

I think i had a pair of those flowered bike shorts back in the day!

I completely agree with everything you’ve said….I do have a few tidbits to add: No matter how tempting it is to procrastinate (and believe me, partying/visiting all your friends/having a water fight/sitting around doing nothing seems a lot better than actually doing work) don’t put doing projects/papers/studying till the last night. All-nighters are not as fun as they seem! On the same note, don’t pass up the water fight with your friends in the halls, or going to breakfast at midnight at IHOP with your friends. You don’t want your memories to be of doing homework but rather of having a blast with your friends! Just learn to time manage.

And if you have to go to school for longer than 4 yrs, don’t worry about it, everyone seems to be doing it. Just don’t make it 7 and a half. You will get REALLY sick of school after about 5 and a half years. Especially when all your friends have graduated already!

Ahh, I remember my first day of college, those were some fun times. And yes, i’ve been in school 7 and a half years.

August 31, 2007 at 11:05 am

caitlynintherye

You know, I really regret a lot of things about college. I went on scholarship and did TERRIBLY in my first two years. I wish I could have worked harder- I made dean’s list for every semester after, but will never get those first two years back.

Also, there are only so many times that you can stay up all night watching movies with girlfriends, and the majority of them happen in college. Sometimes sleep doesn’t matter. You can always catch up on that. But you can never relive all of the adventures.

Dating in college is great, but don’t get crazily serious. I went to a small school, met a guy, and got way too serious. College is a huge time for individuality, and there needs to be a balance between your relationships with others and your own time.

August 31, 2007 at 11:49 am

cdp

Don’t start the weekend on Thursday and whatever you do DON’T spend the night at a frat house. EVER.

August 31, 2007 at 11:54 am

sasharay

This is so sweet…

My college advice is:
Take it all by storm and soak up as much experience as you can but be smart, you want to come out alive.

August 31, 2007 at 11:56 am

Michelle

• If at all possible, be the room with the futon/couch in it, OR if you’d rather keep your room to yourself, be the room without the futon/couch in it.

• Get to know your cleaning lady/janitor. Be nice to him or her, say hi and get to know him or her, and don’t be the one that pukes on the bathroom floor or in the shower.

• Walk instead of taking the bus. You’ll have great legs.

August 31, 2007 at 12:00 pm

Hot shorts, Molly. Love them! I would add to the sexile? Not having sex on the top bunk of the bunkbed while your roommate is sleeping underneath. (yes, that happened to me.) And if you unfortunately happen to have to experience the dreaded walk of shame, go directly home. Do not pass go. Keep your head down, and do it early enough in the morning that most people are still sleeping.

But yah, enjoy it. It’s probably going to be the best for years of your life.

August 31, 2007 at 12:00 pm

(FOUR years. UG I’m so tired.)

August 31, 2007 at 12:24 pm

Peter

Can’t… not… look… at… bike shorts…

From a guy’s perspective, and having seen all the sketchiness I’ve seen, I think you should bold the bit about always going out with a buddy.

If she is going to the same college as people from her high school, she should be careful not to let them monopolize all of her time. She should meet new people.

Boys are bad.

Make use of upper classmen. They’ve been through it. They know the tricks of the school. They can help you to save time and money and to avoid potential pitfalls.

Get to know at least one person with scammy tendencies. They are great for fake IDs and the like.

Know that the four (or whatever) years are going to fly by MUCH more quickly than you can imagine.

August 31, 2007 at 12:40 pm

Anna

Dining Hall Delights:
Melt marshmallows (from the hot chocolate station) with a dab of butter (from the bread station), then mix in rice krispies until evenly coated with marshmallow mixture. If you are feeling decadent, add some chocolate chips from the ice cream sundae area. Voila! Share with plenty of friends to avoid that freshman fifteen!

And get internships! Anything! Volunteer, whatever. It really does matter when you emerge after four years with not much on your resume. Employers know that motivated students have SOMETHING besides classwork to show for their four years of college.

August 31, 2007 at 1:21 pm

...BeccaLynn

I would just second the GO TO FREAKING CLASS part. There’s nothing that will ruin a college experience more than failing out. For rizzle.

August 31, 2007 at 1:32 pm

Darcie

Get involved Get involved Get involved… My mom always told me “it’s not what you know, it’s who you know” and there’s no better way to meet people than to join groups. Who knows, maybe one day you’re little sister from your sorority will be singing at your wedding. =)

Go to class… I really wish I had done that more but that Physics class just killed me!

If you’re at college with friends from HS, don’t let them pigeon-hole you. I saw many people get wrapped up in still living their high school years and didn’t enjoy college.

Definitely pull all-nighters… and not just to study.

Do something to leave a mark on your school… for instance, organize an event where tons of women talk about vaginas on stage.

Most importantly, enjoy every minute of it. Take crazy pictures – you’ll LOVE looking back on them when you’re a big kid.

August 31, 2007 at 1:34 pm

Meredith

On your first day, or at some point during the first week, when someone you don’t know (your roommate? the girl living next door to you?) asks you to go do something (check out the bookstore, go get lunch, try to find the buildings where your classes are), you should go, even if your first instinct is, “I’m not really sure this girl is the type of person I would normally be friends with.” You never know when you’re going to meet a friend. This of course does not apply to a strange man asking you to get in his truck and go to a party where you won’t know anyone.

August 31, 2007 at 1:57 pm

libby

first – I LOVE THIS POST. I’m totally going to keep it for when my little cousins get to this stage.

And my advice? BE YOURSELF. Don’t try to invent some new identity and be someone you’re not. People WILL love you for who you are.

August 31, 2007 at 2:11 pm

your mom

is the mom who went away to college allowed to post here? i don’t think the basic experience has changed that much. things i learned and i see some of you have learned (sometimes the hard way):

- attend class and do the work. yeah yeah yeah….but that is the ticket that will keep you there while giving you the freedom to experience all the fun stuff. and in the end, you just might learn something. as someone above said, if you fail out, it’s all for crap.

- try not to do anything that will get you thrown out either.

- don’t walk alone at night, or alone in remote places anytime, and don’t go up to strangers in cars…just like you learned in kindergarten. this is a biggie.
watch out for each other.

- get involved in some on-campus activities instead of always sitting in your room with your friends partying all the time and smugly thinking you are way more cool than everyone else.
you are missing some prime opportunities, future resume material, experience, the chance to make diverse friends, and possible contacts…. and in the long run short-changing your own growth.

because all those people you thought you were way cooler than are going to graduate and get real jobs and have comfortable lives, which in the long run is pretty cool…. there is time for party but make time for other stuff too……

- do not be mean or cruel or make fun of anyone. some of the weirdest and un-hip looking people can be good and interesting people inside. as a matter of fact, you could be one of those weird looking people just wishing someone could see who you are inside. compassion, kindness, a smile….

– of course, avoid true weirdos at all costs!!! (but still don’t be mean to them). keep your weirdo radar on to make sure you don’t get in weird situations.

- try and eat good food when you can. take vitamins to make up for all the crap you will probably be eating.

- the next morning, there is often some guy left behind lying in his own puke (or worse, somebody else’s puke) possibly with slogans written on his body with sharpies, or some girl waking up in a strange room with her panties missing…try not to let that person be you if you can help it.

- do not ever, EVER get into a car with anyone who has been drinking or under the influence of anything, even if they say they are fine or even if they appear fine. make a call, get a ride. also don’t get behind the wheel yourself unless you are cold sober.

- these really ARE the days…the years where you are free but still have a sense of protection, where you can explore, develop yourself further, see things in a way you never saw before… wondrous realizations happen, they really do.

oh, i do sound like such a mom. sorry.
how painfully sweet to watch your last child take wing…..

August 31, 2007 at 2:30 pm

L B

to begin with…cute cute cute photo. it makes me want to put one up of my sister and I…ooo I think I will.

My advice:

1. The people you meet in college are not the same people from back home. Meaning—don’t TRUST people right away.

2. Ask questions!!! Meet with your advisor and professors if you have questions it will make your years easier and stressfree and it does NOT make you a dork—I was the dork who was too shy and didn’t take advantage of all they have to offer.

3. Nap—Freshman year will be the best napping year of your life. Take advantage.

4. Start a Blog so that your family can keep up with your daily life without you having to repeat your day 5 times

August 31, 2007 at 2:32 pm

Valerie

I think you about covered everything, in fact I wish I had gotten all of that advice when I left for college!

Here goes it:

1) If you’re the girl in the bathroom stall with the random guy, listen to the friend that found you and go back to your room, drink some water and go to bed.

2) If you choose to drink delicious alcoholic beverages (or not so delicious) remember to keep you’re cup with you at all times and do not let anyone you don’t know make you another drink.

3) After drinking said delicious beverage make sure to drink lots and lots of water before you pass out in bed (hopefully your own).

4) Don’t be a recluse and sit in your room listening to moody music. Go out, meet new people and laugh a lot.

5) If one of your hallmates is roaming around drunk after drinking excessively, take initiation and help her out. You never know who is going to be one of your best friends throughout college and into the real world.

That’s all I have for now.

August 31, 2007 at 3:10 pm

mikesgotnothin

OK, this from the guy who is about to go on his 15th reunion….

So many good points. Hard to elaborate. But, here goes.

These are going to be the best friends you’ll ever meet. You’re going to live with these people. Embrace them. all of them. The sorting out process will happen on its own. But these are the people you’re going to call first when you get engaged, when you are pregnant, when you give birth and when someone dies.

Do the work. Go to class. It’s that important. It really is. Same with getting involved. It’s all been said. Because it’s true.

One of the best points? know the cleaning person. That has the potential to be invaluable.

Laugh.

Cry.

Repeat.

Take pictures.

Keep a quote book.

Get to know your friends’ families when they visit. Get them to know yours.

Look forward to parents weekend.

Write an actual letter from time to time. Not an email. A letter. Even mail it. Just to say thanks. I’m here. And I love it. And I couldn’t have done it without you.

Boys are boys. And always will be. But find the boy that’s your buddy. The one that watches out for you and takes care of you. And when that boy wants to be your boy(friend), slap him silly and make sure he knows that the friendship is what’s important. Remember. He’s a boy. Boys do silly things.

Visit your professors. Most of them are actually very cool.

Find routines. When you’re 21, go to the local bar at 3 p.m. every Monday with a friend for a pitcher. Stick with it. You’ll love to be able to look back on that routine.

Enjoy it. You will not believe how fast it goes.

August 31, 2007 at 3:13 pm

alissa

I adore your mom! This is the best advice I’ve ever heard:

“- the next morning, there is often some guy left behind lying in his own puke (or worse, somebody else’s puke) possibly with slogans written on his body with sharpies, or some girl waking up in a strange room with her panties missing…try not to let that person be you if you can help it.”

August 31, 2007 at 6:55 pm

Chelle

Your mom is totally cool, but I have to offer up a contradiction…

Play practical jokes on people. Nothing evil, just good clean (or sometimes not so clean) fun. Your roommate is a prime target. If you can’t laugh together and be a little crazy, then the relationship will never work.

HINT: Short-sheeting her bed is a good ice-breaker.

;-D

August 31, 2007 at 7:33 pm

meg

First of all I can’t believe your sister is 18. And going to college. Holy hell…when did we get old?!

But I want to wish her the best of luck because even though I haven’t seen her in a long time, she was always the most original, talented and beautiful kid. I know she will flourish in college and become an amazing woman.

PS – don’t ever drink goldschlager. it will make you sick.

September 1, 2007 at 1:37 am

Ally

Be so very careful at fraternity parties. Go with several girlfriends and stick together. Freshmen girls are considered “fresh meat,” and some fraternity guys will get you as drunk as possible (and possibly slip you ruffies, seriously), attempt to flatter you with compliments (which can be very flattering when he’s a senior), and then want to show you something in their room. They can be super pushy, so be prepared.

Get to know your professors. I ended up being friends with some of mine; it’s nice to be invited over for homemade dinners–or asked to house-sit while they are on sabbatical. Plus you may need references one day, and it’s great if they can put your face with your name.

Befriend the cafeteria workers. They can hook you up. One guy kept a bag of Lucky Charms in a secret cabinet for me, so I never had to go without when they ran out.

Be upfront with your roommate instead of letting things simmer. Us women tend to be entirely too passive aggressive.

September 1, 2007 at 3:07 pm

Princess Pointful

Give yourself some time to figure out your major without stressing yourself out. Just because you always thought it would be great to be an anthropologist doesn’t mean you will love it when entrenched in it… and that’s okay.
The whole point of college is expanding your mind and discovering what you find intellectually stimulating and what you don’t.

September 1, 2007 at 4:26 pm

Kimberley

I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now, and I just love it. This was given to me my freshman year of college, and I have never forgotten it. Hopefully it will be helpful to your sister as well!

College is about learning. It’s not as simple as learning whatever it is that’s being taught in your required gen-ed classes, though. It’s about learning how to listen, how to speak, how to think. Learning who you are, who your friends are, the type of people you want as friends. Learning how to trust your innermost feelings, and how to find those feelings in the first place. It’s about learning what’s really important to you, and learning what you really don’t give a “damn” about. College is about learning how to tolerate, how to accept, how to like, and how to love. Learning how to give as well as you receive, and how to trust that everything will even itself out on its own (you buy a pizza one night, your roommate will the next night). It’s about learning that your mom and dad actually do have the right answers sometimes, and that your kid sister isn’t such a dumb little kid anymore. College is about learning how to treat people as people, not as stereotypes. Learning that sometimes a kiss isn’t just a kiss, that sometimes it means more, and that sometimes it means less. Learning how to achieve, how to succeed, how to accomplish. It’s about learning how to not come in first place and still be proud, and about coming in last and learning how to admit that you could’ve done better. College is about learning that loud parties don’t necessarily mean a good time. Learning that loneliness doesn’t go away in a crowd, and that sometimes it’s okay to be yourself on a Friday or Saturday night. It’s about learning that your lunchtime crowd doesn’t constitute your popularity, and that popularity is all a matter perspective… It’s about learning that boredom is simply laziness of the mind, and that watching three hours of Thursday night NBC is not quality relaxation time. College is about learning how to pack a bag, how to pack a car, and how to pack a room full of way too much stuff. Learning that people probably like you a whole lot more than they’ll ever tell you, and it’s your responsibility to make sure your friends know how much you appreciate them. It’s about learning that simply doing what you’re supposed to do isn’t enough, you need to put forth twice that much in order to fully grasp whatever it is that’s sitting in front of you. It’s about learning how to make people smile. College is about learning how to miss people enough to not stick them in the past, and how to not miss them so much that it keeps you from moving into the future. Learning how to motivate yourself and how to motivate others. Learning what the phrase “make do” means, and how to use it to make it seem as if you’re not simply “making do.” College is about learning. Learning how to live.

September 1, 2007 at 6:42 pm

Clink

It seems as though all the advice she’ll ever need has already been given, but I will throw in my .02:

-Commit the general principles of “he’s not that into you” to memory. I wasted way too many a college night sobbing or anxious over a boy, when I could’ve been out meeting a better one.

-Unlike high school, what you do in college will set you on a certain path. While I love my profession, I kinda sorta wish I had become a business major so that I could be making more money than god. Just something to keep in mind when you’re choosing a major.

-Just because someone is, omigod, your bff forever, doesn’t mean that she’s a good person for you to live with. Choose roommates (after freshman year, obviously) wisely.

-Oh god. The freshman fifteen. It is true. It is so true. Try and avoid. (Oh and my dining hall food? AWESOME. And therein lied the problem.)

-Call/email home a lot. Your parents and your gorgeous sister are going to want to hear from you.

-Savor every single last moment, even the bad ones. They will become part of who you are well into adulthood.

PS – Your mom is awesome.

September 2, 2007 at 10:38 am

thethinker

Well I have no advice because I haven’t done the college thing yet, but I’ll be sure to take notes.

September 3, 2007 at 1:31 am

Kateastrophe

I went to BYU. I think my college advice doesn’t apply!! HAHA.

September 3, 2007 at 4:11 pm

pbandrazz

Totally agree with Meredith – don’t think someone is not the right person to be your friend. I misjudged quite a few people before I got to know them.

Also, if you have the chance, leave for at least a semester! It’s great to get some perspective on the real world (I went to a small school in a small, rural town – it was necessary). Do an internship in another city/country or study abroad.

Molly – my friend did this for her sister when she went to college a few years ago. She compiled a book of advice from herself (and all of her college friends) that she gave to her sister when she left for college. Perhaps that’s a good way to give her all of our “wisdom”!

September 4, 2007 at 6:51 am

lillyrose

Never stop trying and never give up. As a current college student (and recent blogger thanks inpart to your fabulous blog), I believe the most important thing to realize is that college is a continuous new beginning. People will change everyday and so can you. Never peg yourself into a certain type, personality, or group. In college, students can barely keep track of their class schedule, let alone your identity. Take up the task of fearlessly reinventing yourself until the title fits.

September 4, 2007 at 9:26 am

Elizabeth

– At least for the first week, keep your door to your dorm room open. There is lots of traffic going by and it’s a great way to meet people. Having a conspicuous bowl of M&M’s available will also help this cause.

– Even if your roommate says she’s ‘not a partyer’ watch out for her boyfriend. He may, hypothetically speaking, pee the bed when he gets very drunk. Just make sure he’s in HER bed and not yours. (note: he’s the reason college dorm mattresses are covered in plastic)

– Save your laundry for home or an off-campus laundromat. The dorm washers/dryers are a rip off and will break as soon as your clothes are sufficiently covered with soap.

– If a frat has a bad repuation – STAY AWAY. They got that rep for a reason!

September 4, 2007 at 10:12 am

stacey

more about guys: most of us know to stay away from the obviously sketchy ones, but it’s easy to forget when you’re at a party and talking to “this really nice guy” for hours and then he asks if you want to go for breakfast and you GET IN HIS CAR BY YOURSELF and go…yeah, I did it. more than once. I am still shocked that they didn’t find my body in a corn field a week later. So, even if he is the nicest guy in the world, don’t jump the gun and be alone with him, like in the car away form people seriously alone, for a while.

September 4, 2007 at 11:12 am

onebigholiday

Here is my college advice..

For some of you this night marks a new beginning. And so, upon the eve of the tremendous journey upon which you are all embarking, I’d like to offer you a thought to take with you. Listen carefully: you will fail here. All of you. College is not the culmination of your high school career. It is the beginning of your adult life. Only it is a slow sweet beginning that feels nothing like what life and all the attending obligations will eventually bring. So fail here… This is your chance.
Do things you know you can’t do, or think you can’t do but hope in your deepest most secret hidden heart that you can.
Be bad at things. Be embarrassed. Be vulnerable. Go out on a limb. Or two. Or twelve.
The harder you fall, the farther you’ll rise. And the louder you fail, the clearer the distant bell of your future will ring. Failure is a gift. Welcome it. There are people who spend their lives wondering how they became the people they became, how certain chances passed them by and why they didn’t take the road less traveled. Those people are not you.
You have the front-row seat to your own transformation. And in transforming yourself, you might just transform the world. Believe that, and embrace the new person you’re becoming. This is your moment. Now. Not ten minutes from now, not tomorrow, really now. Know that, truly in your bones, and wake up each morning remembering it. And then keep going.

September 4, 2007 at 3:25 pm

Froggy

Hey, I had those shorts too!

I think you’ve finished your book, but my advice is:

Bust your ass for the first three years, and you can spend the last semester of your Senior year taking 12 credits (6 of them Independant Study), and really enjoying those last few months of minimal responsbility before you join the real world and have to worry about things like “rent” and “paying back student loans”…

September 4, 2007 at 5:24 pm

notbubbly

STUDY ABROAD!!!

That is all.

September 5, 2007 at 9:09 am

jcamp5478

beautiful words.

be sure that you maintain a lot of ties with your sister while she’s away at college and find out as much as you can.

this is a great time for her, but also for you. she’s coming of age….and, as you go forward and get married and have kids….she can be a great part of your life as you’re both adults growing older….and you get to impart advice to her about being a mom and a wife.

maybe you could write about what kind of sister you’ll be while your sister is in college.

September 6, 2007 at 11:12 am

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September 6, 2007 at 6:37 pm

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