What to post, what to post? There’s some fun stuff I want to tell you about, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. I could give you a little weight update. I haven’t actually been on a scale, but my size six pants that I’m wearing today? TOO BIG! Although, if I go eat any of the leftover cake in the work kitchen today, I’m sure they’ll fit just fine.
How about Halloween? Halloween is tomorrow and since we never seem to get more than four trick-or-treaters, I didn’t buy any candy and made an appointment for a tasting with a caterer instead. I’m sure my pants will go from big to snug by tomorrow evening.
If any of you are dressing up tomorrow, I have some great costume ideas for you. Well, for your feet, really. OK, actually, these are just horrible. Don’t wear them. Ever. Not even for Halloween. Thanks.
You know Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Bashful, Sneezy, Dopey and Doc, but did you ever hear of the lesser known dwarf, UGLY?
Do you think the shoe is being blindfolded to protect it from itself? I mean, if I looked that way, I might not want to see myself either.
Ohhh this shoe’s been a bad, bad girl. Yeah, you like that, don’t you? Take it, shoe! Take it now!
I think this is a genius invention. With the strap, you never need to worry about dropping the eraser while cleaning the board. Think of how much time you’ll save not bending over to pick it up!
Is this a pig? Or a mouse? Maybe a cat! Either way, I know I’m wearing animal skin. I don’t need to be reminded of it by staring at its face!
Mary, Mary quite contrary, how does your garden grow? With flowers and bows and ugly green toes and elastic bands all in a row.
Let’s all just take a moment of silence to mourn our dear childhood friend, Piglet. He lived life so freely, but has gone to a better place now. That big hundred acre wood in the sky.
Some people collect holiday towels. Fine. Others cross the line into holiday sweaters. Not so fine. This, my friends, is so far over the line, you can’t even see the line anymore. The line is a dot to you! Noooooo.
27 comments
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October 30, 2007 at 11:29 am
littlespoon
How do you find these monstrosities? It’s amazing!
October 30, 2007 at 11:30 am
erbear
these are ALL unbelievable. insane. oh and congrats on the size 6 being too big! I too am trying to make my size 8’s too big. we will see how it goes. : )
October 30, 2007 at 11:36 am
Michelle
HA! the piglet ones cracked me up. he has gone to a better place…
October 30, 2007 at 11:37 am
Each
Ha! so silly, i love it.
what don’t i love? booties, yeah booties, you’ve got two on display.
what the heck are designers thinking?
that style failed miserably in the late 80’s early 90’s why, oh why? are they bringing it back?
you know what designers ought to bring back?
cookies.
as in getting models to eat them.
i wish Diane V or Tom F or Dolce or even Gabana (any designer will do) would wake up and go “hey, remember back like in the 1880’s or 1554 (queen elizabeth reference) when curvey girls where hot? YEAH you know when normal sized chicks with lucious cleavage and birthin’ hips and firm white flesh was all Henry the 8th and those Constitution boys could think of. that’s hot, yeah, lets bring that back!”
Hooray for Normal girls!
down with booties!
October 30, 2007 at 11:38 am
Each
ha ha, i made a pun, i guess i mean down with shoe booties and up with girl booties (Queen thought so…)!
October 30, 2007 at 11:40 am
clinkny
Perfect for right before Halloween because damn, some of those shoes are freaking scary.
October 30, 2007 at 11:56 am
QueenBee
Seriously. How do you find these terrible things. This edition actually made my feet hurt.
You’re so funny. The Mary, Mary rhyme was genius! Serioiusly! My feet are still reeling from the pain of that one.
(Hehe. Clink, those ARE scary! Good point!)
October 30, 2007 at 12:00 pm
Ashley
hahahahahaha. like i just said, i’m dying over here.
“the line is a dot to you. noooo!”
i was forced to wear many a holiday sweater in my childhood. it was not pretty.
October 30, 2007 at 12:02 pm
Jess
This is the first time you’ve done one of these since I started reading your blog, and it is hilarious. Also, congrats on the too-big pants! Clothing size is a great measure of weight loss. Especially if you’re working out and gaining muscle mass, since muscle weighs more than fat.
October 30, 2007 at 12:49 pm
La
Oh sweet lord, for all that is good and holy, those GREEN SHOES. I think we’ve reached a new level of hideousness! Also, I totally want the shoes you want. Shocking, I know.
October 30, 2007 at 12:54 pm
Stephanie
Now if the Santa ones LIT UP, that would trump all.
October 30, 2007 at 1:18 pm
Peter
I swear that I dated a girl in high school that had something close to the first ones.
October 30, 2007 at 1:28 pm
libby
argh i feel you on those damn booties that are supposedly sooo IN this season.
i hate them with a passion that burns deep within.
and ditto with the rest of these painful painful items!
October 30, 2007 at 1:28 pm
kwarterlifecrisis
I promise you that I will never wear holiday sweaters or any shoes with lights wrapping around the sides and Santa prominently featured on the toe. Cross my holiday-lovin’ heart and hope to die. Or something.
October 30, 2007 at 1:48 pm
doozywhoop
I agree with all of them except shoe #2. I have seen that shoe actually on a foot, and it looks quite exquisite on an actual human. Without a foot, maybe not so much. Irregular Choice can really come out with some ugly crap sometimes though, oh man.
Oh, and the Marc Jacobs shoe is supposed to be a mouse. A hideous mouse, but a mouse. Did you see that they are like $395 or something ridiculous like that? BARF!
October 30, 2007 at 2:07 pm
reginaphilanges
I just laughed out loud in my cubicle. Seriously. Thanks for the comic relief.
October 30, 2007 at 2:47 pm
distracted spunk
This was perfectly funny. I adored it. Ugly shoes hurrah!
October 30, 2007 at 3:58 pm
bloggingbarbie
wow. those shoes ain’t ugly……they are ooooooo-gly.
p.s. i told you, you were/are teensy. i win.
October 30, 2007 at 4:06 pm
mcgee
oh man…i’m glad i’m not the only one that thinks those marc jacobs flats with the animal faces are ridiculous.
October 30, 2007 at 5:00 pm
Slightly Disorganized
the poem was the best part!
October 30, 2007 at 5:04 pm
Tina Vaziri
I secretly want to own the little animal face flats. I wouldn’t ever wear them, really, I swear. But the urge to buuuuuyyy them is strong!!
October 30, 2007 at 9:42 pm
Tina Vaziri
I take back what I said about wanting to own the marc jacob flats. I looked up the price, no thank you.
October 31, 2007 at 12:00 am
heatherdc
ha WOW where do you find these shoes?!?! Not that anybody ever needs to know…
p.s. Hello! I am Larisa’s roommate, love your blog!
October 31, 2007 at 1:48 am
Charl
My, what HIDEOUSness.
…and, yes, the rhyme rocked!
October 31, 2007 at 9:23 am
Princess Taj
I HATE booties. HATE THEM
October 31, 2007 at 9:34 am
cdp
I totally love it when you do these! Because the shoes themselves are entertaining (although a little scary); but your commentary has me like, rolling on the floor. I totally heart you. I needed a laugh today. Thank you!
October 31, 2007 at 7:25 pm
A Lil' Irish Lass
This post was terrific. I think, if I ever put any of those monstrosities on my feet, they would detach themselves from my legs and kick me to death.
And I would deserve it.