I’m having the crazy wedding dreams again.

I dreamt that I woke up the morning of the wedding to pouring rain. (This is a very good possibility, being that it’s the end of October, so I’m trying to psych myself up for it and think, rainy day pictures! Can be cute! With red umbrellas! Right???) I look at the clock and think, “I have plenty of time”, so I spend the morning reading an issue of Glamour.

Suddenly, it’s 4:30 (my ceremony is at 4) and I haven’t so much as put curlers in my hair. I’m rushing around trying to get ready and people keep calling me on my cell phone to see where I am.

Frustrated, I grab my dress and run out into the parking lot, where two random wedding guests are waiting for me. I get in their car and they drive me to a banquet hall, which is not where my ceremony is, but where there is a county fair going on.

Wake up. Fall back to sleep.

Next scene: one of my bridesmaids tells me she doesn’t want to be in the wedding anymore, and instead of just leaving it as is, I decide to find a replacement. To avoid hurting the feelings of any guests being asked last minute, I write a quick blog post offering a spot on the alter to the first person that can get themselves to Rhode Island.

Cindy, Barbie and Dreamgrrl all arrive at the same time and start duking it out to be the one to put on the red dress. Each claim they were the first to start reading my blog and therefor should hold the coveted position.

When no solution can be reached, Cindy puts on the dress, Dreamgrrl takes the flowers and Barbie wears the shoes.

Wake up. Fall back to sleep.

It’s the morning after the wedding and I wake up in a hotel room. Michael is watching TV and I roll over to kiss him good morning. I reach for his hand and realize he’s not wearing his wedding ring. I look and see that I’m not wearing mine either, nor my engagement ring.

“Where are our rings?” I demand.

“Our what?” he looks confused.

“Our wedding rings!”

He starts laughing and tells me that yes, someday  we will get married but we have to wait until after the recession, which is why I don’t have my engagement ring, incidentally. We sold it to pay for all those bananas.

What?

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