Based on my experience, I have decided there are four emotional stages of unemployment.
Shock.
Depression.
Indifference.
Acceptance.
June 1st marked six months of being unemployed. In that time, I’ve applied to countless jobs. I’ve received a handful of rejection letters, had two interviews that went nowhere and heard nothing from the rest. In short, it’s frustrating.
If you go back through my winter achieves, you can probably tell I was depressed. Some days it was hard to get off the couch and when I did, it was usually to snap at Michael over something stupid, then cry. He was so good to me during that time period, remaining understanding and knowing that all I needed him to do was be there.
Then there was a shift. I began to think, “screw you” to the people not responding to me, got off the couch and started to get busy. Eventually that turned into full blown acceptance. I don’t have a job. It is what it is.
It’s no secret that I want to start trying to have children soon. Of course, having or not having a job is a factor in this. Do I find a job now, then leave in x-amount of months to raise a baby? Do I continue to try and find freelance and online jobs that allow me to work from home? (Not as easy to find as I had hoped.) Do I start working part time somewhere in the hopes of having flexible hours?
In three weeks my unemployment insurance runs out. According to the paperwork I’ve received, I MAY qualify for an extension. May. And because this state is AWESOME, they won’t tell me if I qualify until after my first round of money runs out. I’m left in the dark with a hope, but that’s about it.
If it runs out and I don’t qualify for an extension, I’m going to have to find something, probably in retail. I’m not looking down my nose at retail jobs, absolutely not. I just decided not to take one these past few months and use that time and weekly unemployment money to search for another full time job.
But it might be time to start looking.
To be honest, I wouldn’t mind starting a family and working part time. These six months have given me a lot (a LOT) of time to think and although some people might not agree with it, that drive to be a career woman is quickly fading. When I see my professional future, instead of demanding clients and busy Outlook calendars, I see a job, maybe administrative, where I can go in, do my job, and come home. Without taking the stress of the day home to me. And I see another job, that of a mother.
But in order to achieve this vision, I need a J-O-B. I just hope it doesn’t take me another six months to find one.
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June 8, 2009 at 1:35 pm
heidi
one of the first things i did when i lost my job was go back to my old part time job at the gym down the street. It ensures i get out of the house, i get a free gym membership and i enjoy it for the most part. It’s part time hours so i have plenty of time to look for jobs/freelance gigs, and the hours i get during the day leave me plenty of time to spend with fiance late night when he gets home.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
June 8, 2009 at 1:38 pm
HKW
Good luck to you – it’s difficult to find a job but you’re doing all the right things. I hope you can find a family-friendly company, so when you start a family the transition is so much easier. I may have just gotten fired from my non-paying 2nd job, which I took-on in order to pursue my dream job and keep my current paying job for practical purposes. I’m trying to roll with it, just as you are doing.
June 8, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Mrs.K
I can relate…still in the “search” after ONE year!! Seems all the positions I apply to that I’m “over” qualified…even with my scaled back resume! It’s very frustrating…especially hard during my first year of marriage.
I did get the “extended” unemployment benefits and sure you will too. Hang in there….it’s so frustrating to put in the effort and get no results!!
June 8, 2009 at 2:29 pm
dangermarie
I dropped out of college in my senior year, and spent some time traveling with my fiance before deciding it was time to start my career.
Six months later.. two interviews… and I can’t even find a retail job. No degree, no real work history? There are people more qualified than me who have been looking for a job longer than I have. He’s unemployed too, now.. and his unemployment *extension* runs out in a few weeks – I have no idea what we’re going to do, so I just focus on how nice it is to have unlimited time with my sweetie for the moment. Because it’s either that or valium, and I just can’t afford that.
June 8, 2009 at 2:43 pm
shelikestotravel
Molly,
I was laid off about 2 months before you were. I agree with a lot of the information in this post and I have no real advice to give you… except keep going. Keep trying.
I had applied for what seemed like a million jobs and I was getting really discouraged. I mean really. In my head, I had written off getting a job and planned that I wouldn’t get one until next fall… at the earliest. But I kept looking and kept applying.
And then something weird happened. I got a phone call from a company that I had applied to months earlier. One week later I had an offer in my hand.
I’m saying this to encourage you to keep going. Because you never know when that good job is going to come your way. So keep looking for full time work, part time work and retail work. You’ll know the right choice for you when you have an option in front of you.
June 8, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Tootie
I’m looking for a job, too. I’ve accepted that I probably won’t find some fancy gig (especially while we’re stationed in this small town), but I’m ok with it. In the meantime, I’ve been doing a lot of volunteer stuff, which always lift my spirits.
Best of luck as you continue in your search!!
June 8, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Elle
Have a baby, I’ll come play with him/her! Perhaps you can plan it so the baby will be do when the school year is ending
June 8, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Elle
due…wow.
June 8, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Sassafras
I wonder if in a year or two from now you’ll realize that this unemployment was actually a good thing? If nothing else it has made you look at your life and think about what you really want.
June 8, 2009 at 2:57 pm
JenBun
I am at about 4 1/2 months, and I am at a similar point– I just want to do my own thing and make enough money to be comfortable.
I have no idea where this crazy time in my life is taking me, and I know you are uncertain too, but I hope for BOTH of us that we look back on this as a time where we given the opportunity to take some time and really think about what is MOST important…
… and get to wear our PJs at noon!
xoxox
June 8, 2009 at 3:22 pm
A
I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do! Shortly before I met my fiance, I was extremely career driven and ambitious and felt stuck in my career, so I started planning to go to professional school so that I could work harder and make more money and work at a more prestigious job. Four years later I’m getting closer to 30, almost done with my program and about to get married, and my priorities have shifted completely. Unfortunately, though my drive has waned, my need to actually get that higher-paying job has increased because of the cost of that degree! All this to say that I understand where you’re coming from, and I really hope it’s feasible for you and that you get to have the family that you want sooner rather than later.
June 8, 2009 at 3:29 pm
juliennejiggs
I completely understand the waning drive for a career. Mine is already that way and I’m not even married yet.
I started out as an assistant working as a summer student and I loved my job. When they offered me the full-time position I jumped at it. It’s still good but sometimes I miss the days where I had very little responsibility and I could leave work at work.
June 8, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Gina
I, too, am unemployed, and feel it most in my bank account. I’ve been on a few interviews, and have also applied to uncountable amounts of opportunities.
The first thing that changed my job hunt was when, during an interview, my interviewer said, “we received 200 resumes in the first few hours. I had to cut it off at 200. You just happened to be among the first to send it in.” So my first piece of advice is apply to a job immediately – as soon as you see the posting.
The second thing that changed my job hunt was whittling down my cover letter. Use bullet points! I swear, as soon as I changed it, I received more calls.
Best of luck to you!
June 8, 2009 at 4:56 pm
spamwarrior
Yay. RI. Hope you find a part time job then!
June 8, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Heather from the bar
I was unemployed for exactly one month. I was extremely fortunate to get the job that I have now, and I do enjoy it, but that month off gave me such clarity in life. I know that we may not be able to afford me not working, but staying at home, doing freelance design and keeping a tidy home for Bryan was 120% fullfilling. I was so happy (and so broke…) I hope to be able to go back to that one day, especially when I have a child. I am hoping for a job as a school receptionist or something so that I can work when my children are in school and be at home when they are at home. Fingers crossed the path God puts in front of me is just that! (Oh, and I too put off getting a serving job while I was unemployed. But if it had come down to it, I probably would have gone back to it. Probably
)
June 8, 2009 at 5:52 pm
dailyeditor
Reading this post was like reading one of my own journal entries. I agree with so much of what you said (the emotional stages of unemployment, wanting to extend your middle finger to every person you’ve emailed or interviewed with who doesn’t get back to you) and I understand your feelings about being a career woman and how not going into an office every day and dealing with coworkers and clients changes your attitude and outlook. At this point in my unemployment, I’m having a hard time picturing myself going back to work in an office setting. I know my benefits will run out eventually, and I’ll have to have a job when that happens. I’m pondering the family question, too, but I think I’m still a ways off from being ready for it. I’m not sure what I’m ready for, though. I wish you luck figuring it out (and finding another job!).
June 8, 2009 at 8:20 pm
Amber
I totally understand how you feel, as I lost my job around the same time as you. Keep your chin up, it sounds like you’re being very positive and in high spirits which I think is great!
I have been in retail in for several years and the store I worked for closed it’s doors nationwide.
If you told me 10 years ago I would be working retail I probably would have laughed at you and looked down on it. Now that I am in it (and have climbed that ladder…) I’m extremely happy and making a significantly higher salary then most of my friends… I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t count anything out. You never know what you might find.
I wish you the best of luck!
June 8, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Monday musings on employment, unemployment, and the such « Well-Heeled, with a mission
[...] One 20something blogger I read is Molly of These Little Moments (who shares my penchant for shoes). She has been unemployed for 6 months after being laid off from her job in public relations. Today, she wrote a very honest post about her experience with unemployment, and how this stint outside the workforce has changed her view towards work and altered her career ambitions. [...]
June 8, 2009 at 10:05 pm
Cee
Good luck to you. I really hope that you find something that fits with what you want your future to be like – whether that be a career woman or a full time mom.
For me, getting laid off didn’t include the first three phases (shock, depression, and indifference).
I fully embraced my newly found (f)unemployment on Day One. I’ve been unemployed for roughly 2 months now, and I’m not really at a point where I’m hoping I get another 2-3 months of time to relax & enjoy life.
I really disliked my boss/job so maybe that’s why I didn’t really care that I got laid off. I think I actually have it better than those on my team that are still there — they are busier/more frustrated/hating life now more than they did before because they have more work to do, and their pay is also being cut.
I’m sure it also helped that at the time of getting laid off I had a ton of money in savings which is helping me enjoy this time off a little bit more.
I’m looking for jobs, but I really plan on focusing on jobs I can REALLY see myself doing and enjoying.
June 8, 2009 at 10:32 pm
Typographysnob
I am in a very similar boat. My unemployment just ran out and I just got a job as a waitress hoping to make ends meet. Still waiting to hear back if I get an extension or not.
Good luck with everything.
June 9, 2009 at 1:05 am
Becky (rksquared)
If you were let go from a job through “no fault of your own”, you should still qualify for unemployment after six months just based on the extensions that have been given at the national level (from both Bush and Obama). I’ve been unemployed since March ’08, and I just received two more letters stating I qualify for extensions that should take me through early September (the 18 month mark), provided I submit information every week showing that I am actively seeking full time employment, and I am not turning down offers. (Of course, I’d have to get an offer in order to even think about turning one down. Ha!)
It’s definitely a tough roller coaster, and I know I have also come to the conclusion that if I make it back into the cubicle world, having a job with less responsibility that I can “leave at work” is far more desirable to me, even if it means less pay. Right now I am looking for employment, but I’m also taking this time to do research and build a network in hopes of starting my own business (more work in the long run, but much more fulfilling). Most of all I continue to hold tightly onto the idea that whatever is meant to be will be…and I soak in every single slobbery kiss I get from Miss P.
June 9, 2009 at 9:38 am
A Bit of This
I totally understand how you feel. I was unemployed for almost a year, and had tons of time to contemplate the direction of my life.
Like you, my experience is in the advertising/PR/marketing world, which we both know is incredibly demanding. And like you, while unemployed, my drive for a successful career faded. I wondered for a while if that meant that I was letting myself down and wasting all of my previous hard work, or even letting down my parents for paying for my college. My motivation for getting a job changed. I only wanted to work so that we could have a family soon, and because after four years of trying with no luck, I need health insurance for fertility testing.
So after months of searching for upper level positions with no luck, I ended up taking a position in the industry that is at a much “lower” level than my previous position. My current position has none of the responsibility, long hours, or stress than other positions I had previously applied for. I pretty much just do my thing and go home, and while it’s not that exciting, it does allow me to focus on the things outside of work that matter to me. It also provides insurance so that I find out what’s wrong with my body and get on to the much more important business of being a mom.
Sorry for the long-winded comment, but be encouraged! Hopefully motherhood is right around the corner for both of us…
June 9, 2009 at 10:27 am
Aubergine
I spent some time unemployed last year, my only advice would be that it is good to stay busy.
Whilst it’s not ideal, think of all the times you’ve been sat at work thinking “I wish I had the time to…”. I made a list of things I wanted to do (cook a whole section from a favourite cookbook, go to the gym, read some books, volunteer etc.)
Although I hated it overall, the days I got to spend reading books that had languished unread for too long are something positive I will remember from that time.
I hope this doesn’t sound trite!
June 9, 2009 at 12:24 pm
prettyis
Some fun, easy therapy to get you through this tough time is reading Bitter is the New Black. It really cheered me up when I needed it.
Take care,
Lindsey
June 9, 2009 at 1:18 pm
La Petite Chic
Keep at it, hon. When we decided that we would be moving to MD eventually, I started looking for a job right away. That was in the fall of 2007 and I just last month received an offer for a job in MD. It was a long and arduous job hunt so I completely understand the frustration. Something will come along eventually, but I think having a retail job will give you the satisfaction of going to work and bringing home a paycheck until you find something in your field.
June 9, 2009 at 1:37 pm
humanbeingblog
My fiance was out of work for five months, then he took a job he absolutely hates in a field he worked like hell to get out of three years ago.
But he’s working. In this economy you gotta do what you gotta do.
And while, three years ago, it may have felt shameful to say “I work retail,” (or in his case, I manage fast-food restaurants), now, NO ONE JUDGES. It’s amazing. Everyone is all “Thank god you found something! You rock!”
I also know for a fact that NO ONE is finding jobs online. Right now, it’s all about networking. Which I’m sure you’re doing.
Best,
Lynn
June 9, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Andrea
I absolutely love working part-time and spending the majority of my time at home with my little one. It’s just enough time to put on my pretty shoes and be in the ‘adult’ world without feeling like I’m sacrificing time I could be with my son. When I’m there, I’m focused and on task because I don’t have all day and when I’m home, I don’t give work a second thought. Also, babies…the best. You won’t regret it for a second.
June 9, 2009 at 9:25 pm
nicole
listen to your instincts….life is definitely an adventure!
June 10, 2009 at 12:22 am
christine
You, my friend, are one of the wisest people I know.
June 10, 2009 at 8:23 am
Anna
Go Molly! Loved this post. And want to help out with that part-time deal this summer if you have any interest in spending a few days with a nearly five-year-old boy!
June 10, 2009 at 7:05 pm
Brandy
I’ve been unemployed for a month. My boss just closed our business one day. Didn’t pay any of us for the last pay period. Went to file for unemployment- he hasn’t been reporting our income, paying taxes or anything. So, no unemployment. When I’m not looking for a job, I’m trying to get together a lawsuit.
I’ve been married one month and two weeks. My husband and I planned on waiting a few years to have kids. Now that I’m out a strong career, in a sector that is going crazy with layoffs, do I really start over to build it up again? I’ve been baby-sitting (a lot of fun and relaxing) and going to yoga and am almost to the point where I’m okay. My “layoff” totally changed our whole world and my attitude towards working, a lot. I’m ready to start our family within the next 6 months and my husband is sad that I’ve lost my career but, really loves that I’m home. I know other have told me that this is so anti-feminist but, I’m happy. This is my choice, what else matters? Sorry for the novel but, trust me, someone else out there understands.
June 13, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Melanie
I know it may be different there, but here in TN I know some people who have been on unemployment for a year and still got a second extension for 6 more months. It’s crazy how hard it is to find work right now. My full-time position was turned part-time last month, and while I’m thankful to still have a job I know that unemployment is probably coming. I’ve been trying to decide on how to go about the next thing… do I sit at home and search for something new that I might or might not love, or do I go work at Starbucks until things get better and it’s easier to find a job I’m passionate about? I’m glad to read you’re doing well, and I know that things will fall into place for you.
June 14, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Sheenah
I have been unemployed for a month and a half. At this point, I am still in the depression phase and would LOVE a waitressing job. I miss talking to people and I know Eugene would like me to stop calling him at work every hour. I would love to do freelance writing but I really don’t feel like I am on that level yet. Baically, unemployent is not fun for me and I am jealous of people who like it as well as people who have jobs.
June 16, 2009 at 12:37 am
SuddenlyUnemployed
Thanks for sharing your story. I have been unemployed for about two months now and have started a website to gather articles on unemployment and provide a forum for others to discuss their experiences. Working on this project has helped me work through my own unemployment experience. I would love for you to share your story and join the forum at http://www.suddenlyunemployed.com/forums
June 16, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Kate
Hi. I’ve been out of work for 6 months too. Actually, closer to 7… I was to remain “on call” for 6 weeks between the date of informing me and the day I qualified for unemployment. Those 6 weeks were okay– I concentrated on the holidays… we got through. These past 6 months have been brutal. We barely talk about it anymore. Each day, I sit at the computer and look and look. THen, nothing. I apply and hear nothing. I have worked with recruiters and still … nothing. Right now, I am trying to not have my head explode with the lack of responses. I have had 6 interviews… and not one offer yet. It’s crazy. I’m tired of HR people (when you call them) sighing and saying “do you know how busy we are?” Um, yes. I do. And i hate you for it. Friends who work are no help either : the constant “oh, I wish I were out of work! you must get SO much done!” No, I get nothing done. I sit at the computer, send emails to people who will never respond and talk to the cat. Every.day. I miss humans.
I do get to the gym everyday, stay social by attending a weekly knit-night with friends, and I have the bestest boyfriend ever… and a very understanding cat. 
June 22, 2009 at 1:55 am
Kim
Oh boy, I have been blogging about this very thing (kimskitchensink.blogspot.com) lately. I am at the end of month 4, and have pretty much reached the acceptance stage. It is what it is. I am extremely lucky in that I have a full year of unemployment benefits, and after that, I may qualify for an extension (state of CA). And my unemployment is enough to cover rent+bills (but not food), so I’m not having to take much out of savings each month. Again, I am extremely lucky. But I am trying to use this time to figure out what direction I might want to take, and to enjoy myself a bit in the meantime. I’m trying to keep a positive attitude and not let myself get too depressed about it all. That’s all we can do, right?