I had read about it, this thing called sleep regression. I heard rumors of it happening around the four month mark, but was optimistic that the O Man would sail right by it.
Ha. Hardy har har.
No.
There’s a ton of definitions about how long constitutes sleeping through the night at this age, but there’s a general consensus that a 5+ hour stretch before eating is pretty good. Up until about a week ago, we were doing just that. Even more, actually. I’m hiding under the table whispering this…but we actually had some seven and nine hour nights in a row. Sure, I woke up panicked and engorged at 4 a.m., but in a really blissful way. And truth be told, I got used to sleeping more than three hours at a time.
I got used to it real quick.
Then a couple of nights ago, it was a five hour stretch. Then the next night, it was three. And now we’re back to waking almost every hour and a half after 11 p.m. and guys….I AM SO TIRED. I’m dragging myself out of bed each morning and self-medicating with budget-busting chai purchases. And I can’t be mad at him, because he’s four months and is not purposely trying to drain me of all sanity. At least, I don’t think so.
I’ve read the books. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child sits on my nightstand with dog-eared pages. I believe the teaching that sleep begets sleep and have worked diligently to get him on a bath-book-massage-boob bedtime routine. When he would only sleep in a swing and I asked you guys for sleep advice, you all reassured me that I needed to relax because he would eventually give up the swing for the crib (he did) and to try and adopt the this-too-shall-pass mentality.
So I’m trying, again. I mean, I get it. He’s learning new skills that make his brain work overtime. His sleep patterns are starting to mimic those of an adult’s, but he hasn’t yet mastered soothing himself back to sleep all the time. And on top of that, he’s teething, so we have a whole grab bag of fun to work with.
Usually somewhere between 4 and 5 a.m., I bring him in bed with us to nurse lying down and get a couple extra Z’s. While I’m not anti-cosleeping, it’s not something I wanted to do exclusively, as while dad and baby snooze just fine, I sleep lightly, constantly checking to make sure the covers aren’t close to his face and because of that, I’m always freezing because the days of snuggling under my down comforter are long gone.
At his four month appointment, he clocked in at 27 inches and just under 20 pounds. The kid is in the 97th percentile and eats like a champ. We’ve decided to wait on all solids, including rice cereal, until he is six months. He’s definitely a boob man, and he wants it all night long, even if he’s not hungry. He’s using me as a human pacifier to fall back asleep. (And no, he won’t take a real pacifier, because that would just be too easy, now woudn’t it?)
Ladies and gentlemen, we are ready for sleep training.
I’ve been resistant to full-on doing it until now because I really felt he was too young, but it’s time. He’s shown he can sleep for longer stretches and the pediatrician says that at his size, he can absolutely go five (or more) hours at night without eating. I’ve dabbled in it here and there, and always wait a few minutes when he wakes at night to see if he can settle himself back down. Sometimes he can. More than often, he can’t. He’ll be screaming like a banshee until I walk into the room, where I swear he smiles, winks and laughs to himself.
So I get up. At 11, at 1:15, at 3, 4 and 5:30. I soothe and nurse and while I truly love the quiet moments nursing my sweet baby boy, I’d love it even more at say, just 2:30. Or just 4.
Out of all the sleep training methods I’ve read up on, I’m most comfortable with doing a modified version of the Ferber method. If you want to know all about it there are tons of websites, but it involves letting him cry for short periods of time before going in to soothe him. This is of course assuming that nothing else is bothering him (pinching clothes, soiled diaper, actually time to eat) and that he’s not sick.
I’ve heard from fellow mothers that in anywhere from 3 days to one week, their babies really got it and they were blessed with better sleep until the next growth spurt/illness/what-have-you. I know there is no recipe for a perfect night’s sleep — especially at this age — but there has got to be better than what we have now, which is basically the sleep pattern of a newborn!
I’ll let you know how it goes, and I welcome feedback and stories of personal experience; just none of this “your child will hate you forever because you let him cry alone for 10 whole minutes you horrible, horrible mother” stuff. I’ll be telling that to myself when I’m lying in bed on my hands forcefully willing myself not to get up for another six minutes because OOOH THE CRYING.
18 comments
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November 6, 2010 at 7:05 pm
Mary A-J
I used the methos you are going to try and it did work. But it is very hard! I always felt so bad. The first night it was a constant cycle of soothing baby for a few minutes without taking him out of bed leaving the room for ten minutes (seemed like ten years) and returning to soothe again. It lasted an hour and a half. But the second night was a half our and third night nothing. It was amazing! You definitely have to do what is best for you and baby. Sleep is much needed and sometimes hard to achieve. My son is 21 months and we still have great times and rough times. Stick with it and hang in there! You are supported by all the mamas who have endures the battle.
Best of luck!
November 6, 2010 at 11:18 pm
trang
I am by all means no expert at this baby sleeping thing, but my aunt had my cousins on a schedule at just 2-3 months. She would feed them at the save time everyday, say at 7am, and three hours later at 10am, 1pm, 4pm, 7pm, 10pm, 1am. The number of times baby being fed a day varies by how much baby needs, but the whole point is to feed them at the same time every single day so that they’re bodies/tummies are used to it. As they get older, the feedings are less, but still at the same time everyday. The frist two weeks are a bit rough because of the constant crying, but after the week and half, you’ll thank yourself and your body will thank yourself too. Whatever it is you do, best of luck to you and your family!
November 7, 2010 at 12:43 am
Anna
I just went through this too. My son is nearly 7 months old and he stopped sleeping through the night around 5 months. From 8 weeks to 5 months we got around 7-9 hours a night before he would wake up to feed and go back to sleep for an hour or two (and believe me, I was very grateful and knew how lucky I was to have that sleep schedule). Then at 5 months he started waking up more frequently and then more frequently until he was waking up 5 times between 8pm and 10pm and then every 2 hours. Sometimes it would take an hour to get him back down. After a few months we were both exhausted (my poor little boy had bags under his eyes), so last week I started a modified Ferber schedule and also put him down an hour earlier. It seems to have worked *knocks on a forest* and we are back to long sleep stretches and a happy baby. The first night it took about 45 minutes (I went in after 10 minutes, then after 20), the second night it took about 15 and the third night less than 5 minutes. When he was waking up all night, it was clear to me that he could not sooth himself at all, and it seems that he is learning to do that now. For me, it helped to think about how when he is strapped in his car seat and crying, we don’t pull over and pull him out – he has learned that sometimes, you have to be strapped in your car seat.
Good luck! Your boy loves you and he knows you love him too. Sleep is important for both of you.
November 7, 2010 at 2:50 pm
Hilary
Just wanted to say I’m right there with you. My son is 4 1/2 months and pretty much does the same sleep pattern as yours. Up at 11, 1:30, 3, 5, 6. Its hard! And those nights with 6 hour stretches always trick you into thinking it’s going to be that way from now on. Hang in there and I’ll be reading to see if this works for you. I’m just hoping that it works its self out at for us at this point.
November 7, 2010 at 3:57 pm
Molly P
I “ferberized” my daughter at six months. It took one night. She cried off and on for one hour at bedtime and once again in the middle of the night. Done. She has slept 12 hours a night every single night of her life since. She is 21 months. I think a total of two hours of crying resulting in a lifetime of good sleep habits is not cruel but a wonderful gift!
My son is now four months. We are going ahead full force. Oh, I have one possible tip- have your husband do the soothing. Sometimes my babies want to eat just because they smell me, so be sending in my husband at the intervals instead of me, I think the process went faster.
Sleep training has been a blessing for me. My baby is happier, I am happier.
GOOD LUCK! And be strong, it’s hard, but it is SO WORTH IT!
November 7, 2010 at 5:34 pm
Wiz
My son has always been a pretty good sleeper. (I know I am so lucky!!) He started sleeping through the night at around 8 weeks or so. When I was reading your post I was thinking “maybe he is teething…” and then you wrote that he was. I know no child is alike but my awesome sleeper has never been a good sleeper while teething! And the crying it out for us never worked. It would just rile him up more. After he was at the end of teething, he always went back to being a good sleeper and we always went to back to being well rested sane parents again.
This isnt really much on advice but just to let you know that if it is teething it is short lived and he will get back to sleeping like a champ soon!
If you do let him cry it out, just beware that he will HATE YOU FOREVER…just kidding
Good luck and I hope he (and you!) is back to sleeping soon!
November 8, 2010 at 12:44 am
Rachel
I feel for you, and I will admit we have been very lucky with our daughter’s sleeping. She is now 11 months old. At four months old, she was not waking in the middle of the night, but she was taking forever to get soothed to sleep, and I wanted to teach her to put herself to sleep so that when she did go through some kind of growth/developmental spurt, she would be able to soothe herself back to sleep in the middle of the night if the situation arose. My husband was very skeptical of letting her cry. I had to turn off the monitor, and turn up the TV so he couldn’t hear her. But she always eventually fell asleep. At first, it was about 30 minutes of crying, then 20 minutes, then 10, 5, and now she pretty much always just turns over and puts herself to sleep. I am sure she wakes in the night, but we don’t hear from her. In the morning, so talks and plays in her crib until 6am. Oh and when we were first letting her cry, if she really got to screaming, we would soothe her WITHOUT picking her up (just patting and shushing, and giving the pacifier). We also use a white-noise machine which has helped a TON. good luck!
November 8, 2010 at 1:55 am
Crystal
The Ferber method worked for us as well. It took my son about two nights to adjust (the hardest two nights of my life!). He is still really easy to put to bed at 16 months old, and I credit using this method and establishing a routine early on…I think kids find comfort in having the same routine every night. The hardest part is not giving in those first couple of nights and picking them up and cuddling away the tears!
November 8, 2010 at 9:20 am
Anastasia
Wow.
I give you and all the mommies out there big kudos. I had NO IDEA that methods for getting baby to sleep through the night actually exist. Thank you for sharing all these little and personal details about being a mommy – you’re totally educating all of us non-going to be someday-mommies.
November 8, 2010 at 11:38 am
Candice
My son will be 6 mths on Wednesday and we don’t have him on a schedule, but I’ve been thinking about it simply because it’d be easier to start planning things and, at this point, he’s old enough to start learning things a bit.
I’m not a fan of Ferberizing, but I read this one site that made me think differently about it:
http://www.askmoxie.org/2006/06/babies_and_cio.html
Long story short, some babies increase tension by crying and some release tension by crying. If your baby increases tension by crying, he’ll never be okay crying himself to sleep because he’ll just get more and more riled up. (That’s my son.) So I think the Ferber method depends on the kid and I now see that it can work if your child is the sort it will work for. For me, though, I could never look at my son screaming (because his crying leads to screaming) and not pick him up and fully soothe him. So I say trust your gut – you know your baby and what’s acceptable for him.
November 8, 2010 at 11:39 am
Candice
Oh, and I forgot to add – this 4-7 month age is tough for sleep because they’re hitting a 6 month growth spurt, teething, and learning to crawl – all things that disrupt sleep. So really, just do what you have to in order to make it all bearable. It won’t last forever.
November 8, 2010 at 11:47 am
Annie
Ah, the precious sleep. Even when my daughter (8mo) has slept throughout the entire night, I still wake up! Anyway, my suggestion is to have your husband help at night (if possible and he’s willing). This helped us TONS. Also, from what I’ve read and understand from other parents, it’s normal for most babies to eat at least once in the night until ~9 months old. But man, the waking every couple of hours is NOT COOL. But it does get better, promise! Good luck!!
November 8, 2010 at 12:09 pm
Molly
Annie – oh yes! I definitely expect him to wake at least once to eat, which is totally ok –he’s hungry!
But yes, 5+ times a night is killing me haha. We just completed night two and yes, it’s hard, but already better than night one.
November 8, 2010 at 1:03 pm
Kitty
Ferber works, period. Yes, it can be hard to listen to them – but think about how hard it could (will) be when O can stand up in his crib, cry until he can’t catch his breath, call for you by name??? Do it now. Do it while he’s little. It doesn’t take long (it took my little one a couple of nights), and it’s so, so, so worth it.
November 10, 2010 at 5:07 pm
Kate
Good luck! I’m not a mother, so I don’t have any insight to offer here, but I think you should do what you feel is right. See how the Ferber method works; if Owen cries for 10 or so minutes, it won’t be the worst thing in the world that happens to him, and there’s no way you’re a so-called bad mother for trying it out. It’ll work out eventually!
November 11, 2010 at 9:56 pm
lucecapade
Hi Molly! Totally understand what you’re going through… We were there about a year and a half ago! I don’t remember the exact sleep patterns, but I know that around 5 months is when we started sleep training. It did not take long at all for Graham to learn to put himself to sleep, although there have always been regressions, even now! All in all, letting him cry here and there was completely worth it for us. I can remember having to go outside and sit on the deck without the baby monitor while letting him cry it out once.. I know it sounds cruel, but overall, I think, you are doing what’s best for him and for yourselves. It was at around five months that his pediatrician told me that some babies just literally NEED to be taught how to sleep, and that it will ultimately benefit them in the long run as they begin to experience more restful sleep. Wish you the best!
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