SuperMom. You know who I’m talking about. The mother that can — and will — do it all effortlessly. The one without spit up on her shirts, the one who always has time to shower, the one whose children never had any problems sleeping.
The SuperMom of the twenty tens speaks in acronyms. Exclusively breastfeeding (EBF), Nursing in public (NIP — hehe), Crying-it-out (CIO — or not — SuperMom has feelings on both sides of that fence and which ever side she’s on is the right one.), Baby-led weaning (BLW). She makes her own baby food, uses cloth diapers, practices baby wearing and co-sleeping, and was a natural the first time she picked up her dSLR and began shooting photos. Her children have magazine-worthy decorated bedrooms and she jogs for miles daily behind her celebrity-endorced stroller.
No, I’m not talking about one woman in particular. I know many amazing women both in life and through blogging who practice most, if not all of the things I mentioned above. These women are not a SuperMom. SuperMom is a breed all their own. They lurk on Twitter or in online baby forums, tooting their own horns at just how superior their children are because they’re just such good mothers. They yammer on in yoga class during their Sun Salutation about how appalled they were when their friend stopped breast feeding because she “just wasn’t trying hard enough”. They hold court over mom groups, casually dressed in Lululemon athletic clothes.
The thing about the SuperMom is that while she’s being perfect, she’s making you feel bad about NOT being perfect. And no matter how much you know that motherhood is not a competition, that beneath her shiny facade is the same exhaustion you feel at the end of the day, you can’t help but feel a little envious and wonder how she does it all so well.
I am friendly with a real-life SuperMom. I see her occasionally, because occasionally is about all I can swallow. She’s very nice, don’t get me wrong, but she’s also the World’s! Best! Mother! and will tell you all about the secrets of parenting while driving her perfectly color coordinated children around in her minivan. She is Kelly Ripa in a cute little outfit – simultaneously baking cookies, making a four-course dinner and boiling water in 90 seconds.
I am not a SuperMom. Sure, I breast feed. I make Owen’s food from scratch. I use baby carriers, am a part-time co-sleeper, a modified cry-it-out user. I own and use a dSLR. But not because I have to. Not because my mommy card will be revoked if I don’t. I do it because this is the way I choose to parent my kid and each day is a learning process. I still get spit up on, and I shower mostly every other day. I also let him watch a little TV and it’s –GASP — not always educational.
Do I want to be SuperMom? Honestly, yes. Sometimes I do. When I picture my future with multiple children at my feet, I envision myself breezing through it easily. Is this a reality? Probably not.
But know what? In a way, I already am SuperMom. To my son, I am a super woman. The supplier of food, the one who doles out tickles and kisses. The wiper of the bum.
When his face lights up the minute he sees me, when he buries his head in my neck, when he laughs in delight over something I do, I know I’m doing something right.



18 comments
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March 3, 2011 at 8:10 am
100 Degrees and No A/C
I’m not a mama yet but this was just a great post!
March 3, 2011 at 8:33 am
Sarah
I totally understand! Sometimes I do not want to talk to other moms about the fact that my 9 month old is still not sleeping through the night or how I turn on Katy Perry’s Firework video so I can get dressed without screaming. But, you know, I think that these SuperMoms do struggle, they just put up a facade of perfection. I would rather be genuine and hopefully get some helpful feedback, particular on the sleep thing!
March 3, 2011 at 8:41 am
Megan
All hail the wiper of the bum!! Honestly, it’s so much more appealing to be real, true, friendly, funny…. not like a stuffy supermom. Every kid is different and I try to embrace the fact that my 4-yr-old daughter would much rather be in jeans w/no bows the size of her head playing with dinosaurs and my 6-month old son sleeps horribly and still nurses on demand. They’re my babies and I celebrate how unique and wonderful they are. They NEVER color coordinate.
March 3, 2011 at 9:49 am
Courtney
Would love to see a post about you making his food from scratch! That would be awesome!
You may not be a Super Mom, but you are a Super MOLLY! You’re doing an awesome job!
March 3, 2011 at 10:05 am
Keri
Wonderful post, Molly! I am not a mother yet either but I help my sister out a lot. I hate when she puts herself down for not being a good mother because she’s a great mother. I feel like women and mothers are too competetive, try to do it all and are just too darn hard on themselves. I sometimes worry about this very thing when I am a mother someday. Will I be good enough? And I’m not even pregnant!
March 3, 2011 at 10:08 am
Navigating the Mothership
I was just admiring all the lulumon pants at yoga yesterday…
I’ve noticed that most supermom’s have one glaring area where they are not doing it or their life is really lacking, whether they admit it or not. And that lacking area might be something huge like a really unhappy marriage, you know?
It’s just impossible to do it all. Like I can do my organic cooking & lots of activities w/Bella but I didn’t vacuum for OVER A MONTH (and we have 3 cats, terrible) and I rarely look all put together and purdy.
Do you read Enjoying the Small things? She wrote a post the other day where she shared pictures of her messy house – we all have our secrets!
March 3, 2011 at 10:27 am
Veronica
I am super mom – to my child
My kid always has dog hair on her knees, she watches Wheel of Fortune almost every night, she doesn’t sleep thru the night, she still nurses on demand, it took about 10 months to finally get her a nap schedule. but you know what?? she is happy, my hubby is happy and so am I.
Those so called super-moms are hiding something, there is no such thing as perfect! I don’t envy them for a second – I feel sad for them, are they really enjoying “the little moments”, do they laugh when their child flings food across a room, when baby poops in the tub, when baby sneezes and out comes a snot rocket?? I bet they don’t, they are too busy being serious to notice that things happen, and you just have to go with the flow. Those super moms are really helicopter moms – never letting their children be children, never letting them make their own mistakes and learning from the experience, always hovering – that is not who I want to be.
March 3, 2011 at 10:50 am
Stacey
You’ve got a happy, healthy baby – that makes you SUPER MOM!
March 3, 2011 at 1:35 pm
heidikins
I love this. And THIS is what makes you Super Mom. The one who is concerned about her child and less about what other people think.
Love!
xox
March 3, 2011 at 4:53 pm
Rebecca
I loved this post. So true. But that Super Mom has struggles too, she’s just too concerned about what people think. In the end, I think it’s so much better to be real instead of wasting energy on what people think. P.S. I also make my own baby food and I LOVE it. It’s so exciting to experiment with new tastes and textures.
March 3, 2011 at 5:50 pm
Andrea
Hold onto that truth. You ARE supermom to your own kid (family). One of my best friend’s is an effortless supermom. She doesn’t shove it in your face, she just IS. And she is inspiring and wonderful in so many ways, but I have to work hard not to compare myself to her. Not because I’m less, but I’m just different. Some days I do better than others. Sometimes I feel the same way about blogs. So many good things come from blogging, but the comparison to other moms can be hard.
March 3, 2011 at 11:55 pm
Sarah
The thing that concerns me most about the label supermom is not necessarily the ways that it makes hardworking, capable women seemingly feel inferior. It’s the way that the entire culture and rhetoric and market around Supermoms are reinforced by a class structure of expendable capital. Homemade baby food, yoga classes, expensive strollers are all items available to people of a certain income. Sure, Supermoms expose certain frustrations with society’s expectations for women to do it all (and its appalling the way the same expectations and media marketing don’t target men), but the Supermom also obscures the single mom, the paid minimum wage mom, the mom who can’t afford internet at home and thus cannot belong to a mommy social networking community.
I’m not trying to downplay the reasons why you are agitated with the Supermom; I am trying to show how the Supermom label does more than make regular moms feel badly, it helps us to ignore that there are many moms whose struggles have nothing to do with ideas of perfection.
March 4, 2011 at 12:12 am
Jules
great post, supermom! i’d love to hear more about making from-scratch baby food! come to think of it, that’d fit pretty well with recent talk of writing the occasional recipe-themed post?
March 4, 2011 at 6:51 am
ProudMama
I feel the same exact way. Sure, I think we all try to live up to that SuperMom standard for many different reasons…and it’s hard when we have a flash of realization that we’ve missed the mark somehow. But I take comfort in the fact that it’s okay because at the end of the day, I’m still loved unconditionally by the people who matter most to me. It’s a relief for me when I realize that trying to be SuperMom by everyone else’s standards isn’t necessary at all…
Here’s to all the Moms who may not be SuperMom, but are pretty darn close!
I, too, wouldn’t mind reading a post or two on made-from-scratch baby food!
~Jamie
http://utterdefeat.wordpress.com
March 4, 2011 at 9:16 am
Torrie
Great post!
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March 8, 2011 at 7:09 pm
lindsey
This post made me feel empowered! Wonderful words!
September 2, 2011 at 11:12 pm
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