Sometimes being a stay-at-home-mom sucks. There. I said it.
Now let me clarify.
I am blessed and fortunate to be a SAHM. It is the most rewarding thing I have ever done and I am so thankful I am in the position where I am able to be home with my child, especially when there are so many mothers who want to, but are unable to be.
But.
Sometimes, it sucks.
I didn’t have an illusions about this job. I knew that it would come with challenges. Most of the time the challenges aren’t so bad. My day with Owen is usually fairly easy, happy and fun. But every now and then he throws me a curve ball and it takes all I have not to run for the hills.
As per usual, Owen’s biggest challenge is sleep. It’s one area he just never gave to me easy. First he never slept, then he sort of slept, and while he finally made it to sleeping ALL the way through the night, he’s decided that it’s time to screw with naps.
The rational part of me knows this is a developmental stage that will pass just like the rest of them, but when I’m IN the stage — deep in the trenches covered in mud — it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Lately, he is sloooowly working from two naps down to one. I’ve read this could take a while (fantastic), as for some time, two naps are too much, but one isn’t enough. He really needs to get to one solid nap in the middle of the day, but we’re not there yet.
So basically, he’s exhausted by 10 and will nap, but when he’s tired again around 2, he fights me for an hour, screaming and crying whether I’m holding him, rocking him, or if I just put him in his crib and walk away. After no afternoon nap, he’s a PIA the rest of the afternoon, often crashing by 4 and leaving me ragged. He’s been going to bed at night early, let me tell you.
Typical for this age? Yup. Will take some time to get to where he needs to be? Of course. But doing it alone? Whoa, boy.
I have SO much respect for single mothers. The ones who have to do everything because if they don’t, no one else will. My mom did it and while I always respected her before, since becoming a mother myself she is pretty much Superwoman to me.
I’m not saying I’m like a single mom, but for eight hours a day, I do this parent thing alone. This isn’t a dig on Michael. He works hard all day to provide for us and he trades his Work hat for his Dad hat before he even finished unlocking the door. When he’s home, he’s home. And I love him for that.
But sometimes, when I’ve already had a DAY and there’s still cleaning to do, groceries to buy, and oh yeah, a kid to take care of, I look at the clock and it’s only 11 a.m. and am wistful of those days in an office, where when the work day was done, it was done.
This feeling is only a tiny fraction of the time I spend being a mother. The rest of the time I could pinch myself for being so lucky — lucky to have a thriving, beautiful child, a lovely home, a wonderful husband. But I think this feeling is worth talking about because no stay-at-home-mom, not even the ones making wreaths out of dried spaghetti and candle wax on Pinterest love it all of the time.
Well, maybe the ones who make the wreaths out of nothing but air and glitter. Because those women are amazing.
12 comments
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September 23, 2011 at 11:45 am
Courtney
Hey, just a tip–maybe you’ve tried it–maybe it didn’t work–but don’t let that kid sleep at 10am for a nap–push him until he ‘s falling asleep after lunch (hopefully not during!) and his afternoon nap should come more easily (read: no overtired toddler giving you the run around). Good luck and just remember–one kid is a piece of cake compared to two. Just sayin’
September 23, 2011 at 11:47 am
Bailie Marie
While not a SAHM I am a stay at home wife at the moment due to our situation of moving to a new country where I do not know the language and most days I am happy that I have this opportunity but there are some days where I feel the same way I look at the clock and think holy heck what am I going to do now!
September 23, 2011 at 12:30 pm
Erin
Molly, mega props to you for being real. I completely get where you’re coming from. Most of the time, my little man is sunshine and rainbows. Seriously, he’s awesome. But, when you’re in it alone ( as I usually am), and you’re exhausted, it’s easy to feel like you’re failing at something. I work 40+ hours a week, half of which I telecommute from home while I chase him around the house.
Motherhood is WORK. Beautiful, rewarding, amazing, impossible to describe, heart-breaking WORK.
You’re doing a great job. Even when you look at the clock for the 82nd time in an hour and wonder when bedtime is going to get here.
Hugs.
September 23, 2011 at 1:27 pm
Kitty
I second the first comment – you can definitely speed up the 2-naps-to-1 situation by setting a schedule for about a week; push his first nap back by 1/2 an hour each day, and for the first day or two include a second nap if needed, but then cut it out completely. I promise it’s better to pull off the bandaid quickly!
You’re doing an awesome job. Staying at home with children is so, so hard, even though it’s also really rewarding.
September 23, 2011 at 1:31 pm
Kalen - Kentucky Cupcake
It helped when I took Everly somewhere during the morning hours to push her first nap back. I couldn’t be in the car, I had to have her somewhere (like a playdate) where she’d push herself to stay awake. It helped with the transition from 2 to 1.
But you’re exactly right, sometimes it really sucks. Period.
September 23, 2011 at 2:06 pm
Angela Noelle
I can definitely imagine that being frustrating at times. I definitely want to be a sahm, but I do think about the long deployments and trips where I’ll be single parenting and it’s incredibly intimidating. Hang in there and know that you’re doing a great job raising your kiddo
September 23, 2011 at 2:08 pm
Erin
Being a SAHM is really, really hard — and I’m only a part-time SAHM (part-time working mom). I also have a bad sleeper on my hands, and sometimes when I’ve been up since 4:30am with my daughter, I practically push her out the door at 8am with my husband, who does at the daycare drop-off. And then I breathe a sigh of relief.
When I was on maternity leave, the last hour before my husband came home was always the longest because I was so, so ready for another pair of hands. Luckily he does the cooking and we had a cleaning person because otherwise we’d starve and live in filth. So I hear ya.
September 23, 2011 at 2:42 pm
Michelle San Antonio
Yes, sometimes it does suck, and it’s more than ok to admit that! I’ve been at this SAHM gig for almost 5 years now, and my two oldest are now off to school all day, and I’m home with my youngest, who’s almost 2. I had envisioned being able to get in my gym time in the morning, and also enjoying some quiet time in the afternoons during his nap, but for the past three weeks he’s been freaking out every time I drop him off at the gym daycare, and has been very uncooperative about napping. I always remind myself that ‘this too shall pass,’ but when you’re in the thick of it, that doesn’t always help. Hang in there – you’re doing a great job! I’ve been known to take him for a drive in the afternoons, in the hopes that he’ll take a snooze in the car, and I can park at the beach and read a magazine in the car while he sleeps – not the ideal situation, but if all else fails….. p.s. Found your blog through Anna Sawin – in case you’re wondering where I came from!
September 23, 2011 at 6:56 pm
Emily
I’m there today!! Thank you so much for this. It’s like you read my mind. My husband had to work 36 extra hours this week. OMG! And has to work Saturday. I am at my wit’s end and thinking what a terrible mommy I am that I want to run out the door screaming and go be alone for a while. Then you saved the day with this and made me feel like I could do it and go get some fast food (rarity) and do bathtime early and call it a day with my DVR after a long hot shower
September 25, 2011 at 9:30 am
Kez
Good on you for being honest and real. That takes courage in a world where so many expectations and judgements are put on mothers and their parenting styles/opinions.
I am going to be a stay at home mum for a while and I look forward to it, but I know it won’t always be rainbows and unicorns. I think like any job, parenting has its amazing moments and its “Oh my god – what am I thinking? Will this ever end?” moments. I have already experienced some of those feelings due to a less than perfect pregnancy (if there is even such a thing as a perfect pregnancy).
I hope that your beautiful bub’s sleeping habits give you some relief soon x
September 26, 2011 at 12:34 pm
Mel@MySunshine
I admire you and all SAHMs. I want that so bad.
It’s also hard from the working mom’s POV. Among all the other difficulties, it’s soo hard to have a cranky toddler when you just want to enjoy your weekend with him. You barely get to see him during the week and then he throws you the dreaded curve ball Saturday and Sunday. Ugh.
September 26, 2011 at 1:58 pm
Andrea
Blech…we all have those days as moms. Sorry its been a rough go.I’m sure the move and transition to a new house hasn’t helped.I’m with courtney…try and push past the 10am crankiness…feed him lunch at 11 and settle in for one long nap in the afternoon. It might take a week or so to work out the kinks, but let me tell you, the one nap thing is so awesome. Total freedom in the mornings to run errands, playdates, whatever and then a couple of hours to yourself in the afternoon.