My weekend could not have started off any better. My sister arrived Thursday and that night we got the best possible news….she got into college! She’s had a very tough year and we weren’t sure she was going to get in. This is HUGE!

Friday was Take Your Sister to Work Day and it was nice to have her around. And when I walked in the door after work, a small package with my name on it sat on the counter. A special delivery from the Easter Beagle! My new resolution to Put! Down! The! Crap! was postponed one more day, because who can resist homemade cookies?

Saturday we went shopping, (which resulted in lots of fun spring clothes that I cannot wear because it’s 40 degrees. Mother Nature? Get a clue.) went out to dinner and hung out with Jen. I was on such an emotional high and didn’t want the weekend to end. I love having my sister around…she makes me laugh like no one else.

Easter Sunday was uneventful. Michael was working so we weren’t planning on going to The Mother’s for dinner. While the promise of a delicious dinner was tempting, the thought of going without him was not appealing. At all. My father was visiting friends in Boston and came down to RI to  have lunch with us. When he left with my sister in tow later that afternoon, the house felt very empty. I never remember how much I miss her until she leaves me. So sad.

I had a couple hours to kill before Michael got home so I turned on some old Top Model and sat down with the laptop. Which of course resulted in browsing the Knot. Which in turn left me feeling really shitty.

My problem is I set deadlines in my head…like maybe it will happen by our anniversary, or maybe it will happen by Easter…and when the deadlines pass, I feel awful. This is my deal, not his. Michael doesn’t know I have these dates in my head. And when they pass and I get emotional about it, he has to deal with me. I know it’s not fair to him…but I can’t help feeling sad/angry/impatient. And these emotions usually result in my crying. Not a full out bawling, snotty cry. More like one of those single tear running down my cheek, red-faced because I’m trying to hold the rest in, cries.

And each time this happens he tells me it is coming and it will be a surprise and I truly want to believe him, so I get a tissue and suck it up.* I’ve done pretty well with not thinking about it too, too much, so this only happens about once a week.

When it does happen, remind me of how stupid this all was.

* I love your advice, but today I’m just looking for understanding. If you don’t have something nice to say, please don’t say it today. Thanks.

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