This morning I put on my cute white capris and headed off to work. As lunch came around, my coworker and I decided to take our food and head down to the water to eat on the rocks.

We walked about 15 minutes until we reached the spot. Breezy, but sunny, the hour was relaxing. Until I stood up. Brushing myself off I joked, “did I sit in anything?” The look on my coworker’s face told me…um, yeah. You did.

I turned around to see a big reddish-orange spot of something–who knows what–smack in the middle of my left cheek. Great. You know that if I had been wearing any other color I’d be fine, but I chose white and now I have a big spot on my butt. And when people see a big red spot on the butt of white pants, they will not think I sat in something. They will think I got my period.


Not only did I sit in something, but being that it’s so nice out I did not bring a sweater or a jacket. Therefore, I had nothing to tie around my waist. Which means I had no choice but to walk through the town with a big red spot on my butt.

There was no point in hiding it. I’d look like an even bigger idiot walking down the street with my hands on my ass. So walk down the street I did. I walked and walked and walked until I made it to the little drugstore that had ONE Tide to Go pen left, tucked discreetly behind some bottles on the bottom of a dusty shelf. It was like it was waiting for me.

Back at work, I ran into the bathroom, stripped off my pants (woo-hoo!) and went to work on the stain. I have to say I’m impressed. I now understand why Kelly Ripa is so damn excited about this product. It works!

While the spot is gone, I still can’t leave my desk for awhile. Because in place of the stain is a nice, round wet spot. Smack in the middle of my left cheek.

And when people see a big wet spot on the butt of my white pants, they will not think I sat in something.

They will think I peed myself.