Since I’m now a public access television star, I’ve had to go into hiding to avoid being crushed my all my fans. Because of this, I have nothing of real interest to tell you about today. Being famous is so stressful.

Alright, fine. I really have nothing to tell you because I’ve been doing that crazy thing called work all day. So, instead of a story, you get shoes! BAD shoes. Just as a heads up, last time I did this one of my readers actually owned a pair that I was dogging. (Sorry, DE!) I apologize in advance if your feet are currently adorned with the monstrosities I’m about to make fun of. And if they are, maybe we need to go shoe shopping together.

It reminds me of those plastic bags from the grocery store you put your produce in. Only it’s the one you filled with cherries that you accidentally sat on in the car.


If penguins ever go extinct, we’ll know why. It even looks like it has an eye! The shoe is staring at you!


I think I’d rather strangle myself with the strap than wear it on my foot. Especially since it seems to be made from electrical tape.


Sticking with the produce theme, here’s a perfect way to get your daily requirement of potassium.


A reader submission courtesy of La. A nice autumn leaf attached to your foot by shriveled, dried out grass.


This shoe is called “Memories”. Memories of what, exactly? Of the day you were tied to the stake for exposing your big toe through the hole in your shoe? Wench!


I just have to come right out and say it. Ever seen a Silver Bullet? Just stretch it out a little further. This shoe looks like a vibrator. Yes it does, yes it does, yes it does!