I’ve been wanting to give you Version 4 for awhile now, but I just wasn’t coming across shoes awful enough to warrant a place in the bad shoe hall of fame.

Until today.

This is the perfect disguise for puffy pregnancy ankles. Because it’s much better to look like a python is swallowing you whole.

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Apparently this shoe has a tooth ache. Why else would it wrap that thing around itself?

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Now these…these I had to make extra large for you. Because you’re not getting the true feeling of the shoe unless you can see they’re see-through. Oh yes. I mean, I totally get it. My legs get hot when I wear boots too. This completely eliminates the problem.

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Pom-pom or completely disgusting toe fungus growing out of your foot? You decide. Also, sort of looks like the cat coughed up the remains of a rodent. Just saying.

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“But Grandma, what big eyes you have!” “The better to see…damn, Red. What the hell is on your feet?”

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It took me a minute to figure out where I had seen this before. Then I remembered. In the event of an emergency, your seat can be used as a flotation device. Thanks, Southwest!

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This gives entirely new meaning to the phrase “Stinky cheese feet”.

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