Saturday night was the perfect going out night. The temperature was cool and there was no humidity, so we all piled in the car and headed to Newport. I put a little extra effort into my outfit; dark skinny jeans, peep toe heels and a fabulous BCBG top that gave me ridiculous cleavage. I secretly enjoyed knowing the girls looked hot since the girlfriend is pretty flat.

Oh, the girlfriend? You want to know about her? Well, I may have overreacted a bit. (Who, me?) I don’t see us being BFFs any time soon, but she really wasn’t that bad. She was actually, dare I say it, nice. Although she did make some snarky comments about me being from upstate New York, wore leggings, is training for a freaking triathalon so she’s damn skinny and didn’t care much about shoes.

Yup, you read that correctly. Did. Not. Care. About. Shoes. My heart, it weeps. As a couple they were ridiculously touchy feel-y. We’re talking his hand in her skirt pocket while the spooned on our couch as we talked about dinner plans and stroking each other’s thighs all the time. It was a bit much.

Anyway, we’re out in Newport at this great little outdoor bar. We had a waitress, but since it was so busy and Jen wanted a drink, we pushed our way through the crowd up to the bar. I was leaning against it waiting for the bartender when I guy slid up next to me. He was drunk and slurring his words, but I managed to figure out what he was saying.

“Hey pretty, what are you drinking?”

“Corona,” I replied.

“Meeeee toooooo!”

“Well,” I said. “Guess you’re buying me a drink then!” I figured it couldn’t hurt. The guy was pretty drunk and very engrossed in talking to my chest. I might as well try and get a drink out of it.

He did buy my drink. Jen went back to the table, but I was stuck in the obligatory short chit chat one needs to make after accepting the drink. He asked my name. I told him it was Megan.

Then he got wrapped up in staring at my chest again and spilled his beer down my arm. Annnnd it was time to go.

Back at the table I was met by the stares of our entire group of friends and Michael.

“What was that?” Michael said. As I explained he joked that no, that’s unacceptable. (Although just an hour later he was approached by a bachelorette party wanting him to do something stupid for a picture and I rolled my eyes like it was my job.)

After the teasing had subsided, Jen whispered in my ear, “She totally ratted you out!”

Turns out the girlfriend made a point of telling the group that I was talking up some guy at the bar. Called attention to it as quick as she could.

Whatever. She has no boobs.

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