What to post, what to post? There’s some fun stuff I want to tell you about, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. I could give you a little weight update. I haven’t actually been on a scale, but my size six pants that I’m wearing today? TOO BIG! Although, if I go eat any of the leftover cake in the work kitchen today, I’m sure they’ll fit just fine.

How about Halloween? Halloween is tomorrow and since we never seem to get more than four trick-or-treaters, I didn’t buy any candy and made an appointment for a tasting with a caterer instead. I’m sure my pants will go from big to snug by tomorrow evening.

If any of you are dressing up tomorrow, I have some great costume ideas for you. Well, for your feet, really. OK, actually, these are just horrible. Don’t wear them. Ever. Not even for Halloween. Thanks.

You know Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Bashful, Sneezy, Dopey and Doc, but did you ever hear of the lesser known dwarf, UGLY?

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Do you think the shoe is being blindfolded to protect it from itself? I mean, if I looked that way, I might not want to see myself either.

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Ohhh this shoe’s been a bad, bad girl. Yeah, you like that, don’t you? Take it, shoe! Take it now!

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I think this is a genius invention. With the strap, you never need to worry about dropping the eraser while cleaning the board. Think of how much time you’ll save not bending over to pick it up!

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Is this a pig? Or a mouse? Maybe a cat! Either way, I know I’m wearing animal skin. I don’t need to be reminded of it by staring at its face!

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Mary, Mary quite contrary, how does your garden grow? With flowers and bows and ugly green toes and elastic bands all in a row.

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Let’s all just take a moment of silence to mourn our dear childhood friend, Piglet. He lived life so freely, but has gone to a better place now. That big hundred acre wood in the sky.

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Some people collect holiday towels. Fine. Others cross the line into holiday sweaters. Not so fine. This, my friends, is so far over the line, you can’t even see the line anymore. The line is a dot to you! Noooooo.

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