I watched A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila and ate spicy food before bed last night. I have learned my lesson, because the dream that followed was…odd.

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I was auditioning for the show and was really excited about it. I called Ashley to tell her, and she became very upset with me.

“You’re not really attracted to women,” she said. “That’s false advertising. It’s reality television. You have to be honest.” (Wait, what? Honesty on reality TV?)

I agreed and told her fine, I won’t do it. But that wasn’t good enough for her. She wanted a formal apology. So she sent me a form apology letter that I was supposed to fill out and return to her. Which I did.

Ashley then made a ton of photo copies and hung them up all over my new job so everyone would know that I had, in fact, said I was sorry.

When I walked into work my new boss was upset with me, asking if I had a problem with gay people, because if I did I wouldn’t be able to attend the gay porn awards in Vegas with the rest of the staff.

I got really upset and tried to convince her that I am accepting of all people and, wait, I really want to go to the gay porn awards with everyone! (WHAT?)

“You’re accepting of everyone, huh?” she said. “Even people with eight limbs?”

(Now I know where this came from. I watched a segment about a child who was undergoing surgery to remove her four additional limbs last night on CNN.)

“Yes!” I cried. “Even people with eight limbs!”

Luckily, she was happy with that answer, because apparently we were taking on a new eight-limbed client.

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Then I woke up. And came in to work and told Ashley all about the dream. I’m not sure she wants to work with me anymore!

 Yeah.

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