Thursday, 6 p.m. – 11 p.m. – Drink. 

Friday, 3:40 a.m. – Wake up. Am ridiculously thirsty. Sit up and notice Kodiak is staring at me. Tell him to go lie down, no one likes a creepy, stalker dog.

3:41-3:45 a.m. – Drink copious amounts of water and go back to sleep.

6:50 a.m. – Alarm goes off. Nudge Michael to hit snooze. Pull covers over my head.

6:51 a.m. – Push away the big black head and wet nose that’s trying to worm it’s way under the covers. Seriously, dog. Go. Lie. Down.

6:59 a.m. – Alarm goes off again. Nudge Michael to hit snooze.

7 a.m. – Damn it. I really have to pee.

7:01 a.m. “Kodiak, come on. Let’s go outside.” He lies down.

7:02 a.m. – “You were just bugging me to pee. Come. On.” He looks at me. FINE.

7:03 a.m. – Pee. Brush my teeth. Look in mirror. Clearly, I am not 21 anymore. Drinking on a Thursday night has interesting affects.

7:04 a.m. – Start to head back upstairs. Glance to the left at the hallway floor.

7:05 a.m. – Begin cleaning up dog vomit.

7:10 a.m. – Apologize to Kodiak. Scratch his head and let him lean on me.

7:11 a.m. “Michael, he vomited.” No answer, as he’s asleep.

7:12 a.m. “MICHAEL.” “Huh, what?” “He vomited.” “Oh…did you clean it up?” “No, I left it. (Rolls eyes.) Of course I cleaned it up.” “OK, good.”

7:13 a.m. Climb back into bed. Am still tired. Will stay for just 15 more minutes.

7:40 a.m. Damn it!

7:41 – 8:05 a.m. – Take super fast shower, do hair and makeup. Marvel at the power of a good under-eye concealer and mascara.

8:06-8:17 – Get dressed. Thank goodness it’s Friday and I can wear jeans.

8:22 a.m. – Get out the door.

8:23 – 8: 48 a.m. Drive. Notice that by the state of my car, it is clear that I have a cold. Make a note to gather up all the used tissues when I get to work and throw them away. Am gross.

8:49 a.m. – Get behind slow driver in the left lane who won’t speed up enough to let me pass the guy on the right and I really need to get over. I speed up just a little so I can squeeze in between them. And he slams on his breaks. Jackass. I slam on my breaks to avoid hitting his Audi and move into the right lane. I look over at him to give him an annoyed glare and notice his gigantic mullet. Forget that I’m annoyed because I am shocked at the size of it. And think that I’ve never seen a mullet in an Audi before.

9:00 a.m. – Arrive at work. Walk into office and notice adorable mini frosted donut on desk.

9:01 a.m. – Rejoice.

9:02 a.m. – Eat donut. Make happy noises.

9:08 a.m. Eat another one. More happy noises.

Happy Weekend!