See PeterΒ for back story.

Hi 18-year old Molly, it’s 24-year old Molly. I’m here to offer you a little advice. Stop rolling your eyes and hang up your chunky blue Nokia. I think I can help you out.

First of all, can I say how fabulous you look? You can’t be more than what, 118? I guess dancing three days a week really paid off. Because of that, I have to warn you about three little words: dining hall food. Oh yes, you will be seduced by the endless buffet of grilled cheese, pizza and carbs. The make-your-own waffle bar will look enticing. STAY AWAY. The salad bar may appear boring, but make your way over and and introduce yourself. I promise you will thank me later.

Know what else puts on the pounds? Alcohol. I’m not saying don’t partake, just don’t partake three days a week. Your thighs will never forgive you.

And while we’re talking about alcohol, I’m not going to lecture you on that because you’re going to be fairly responsible. But if you remember anything about this topic, remember this: if you don’t have Dixie cups, do not forgo jello shots for one giant bowl. Eating one giant jello shot with a spoon is gross. You will regret it when you puke green.

Don’t forget that college is actually about learning too. Don’t take the second psych class. You’ll hate it and will have trouble keeping your eyes open. Take more writing and branch out within your major. Don’t listen to your journalism professors when they say that PR isn’t real writing. Don’t avoid the PR classes because of the stupid girls in them that all claim they’re going to do entertainment PR for celebrities. Most of them are going to end up living in Hoboken, pretending they live the glamorous city life, all while getting coffee for the assistant to the assistant of something.

Take your studies seriously and try not to fall apart during the year after college. I promise, you won’t be changing dirty diapers forever. (What, you didn’t know you’d work in a daycare for a year? You will. And you’ll nanny. It will make you stronger.) Your first job is going to be awesome and you’re going to learn a lot. If you bring chocolate to your interview, you might be able to speed up the hiring process.

You’re going to meet a ton of people. Some awesome, some not. Don’t let the stupid people get to you. There’s always going to be mean girls and arrogant guys. It’s not high school, but some things never change. Try to ignore the sorostitute wardrobe of wide headbands, big sunglasses, North Face fleeces, leggings and Ugg boots.

Yeah, Ugg boots. They look exactly how they sound.

The friends that you meet are going to be your life line. The ones you left behind will always be there, but your relationships are going to change. Take note of the girl that chases you down the hall to make sure you’re OK, the one that dresses up in giant pink sweatpants to make you laugh, the quiet girl from your summer job and the amazing women in a local sorority.

That’s a surprise, huh? You in a sorority? You’re going to love it.

You’re going toΒ kiss some toads. Some cheaters, some liars, some idiots. But then you’re going to fall in love. Oh my god, are you going to fall in love. He’s the kind you like, too. Tall, dark and handsome. He’s going to make you feel safer, sexier and loved more than you ever have before. Hold on tight to him. He’s going to be your husband.

If nothing else, savor every minute of the next few years. They’re going to fly by. Before you know it, you’ll be on the cusp of 25, planning a wedding, working full time and doing grown up things like paying bills, cleaning the house and getting regular oil changes.

Don’t forget who you were and appreciate who you’ve become.

Life is going to be pretty good.