While getting ready:

“What to wear, what to wear. Pants or skirt? Skirt! Yes, I’ll wear a skirt. How about my new Ralph Lauren one? Perhaps with a black top. Which top is clean? Oh, the one with the puffy sleeves. I don’t know if that works with the skirt. Will try it on. OK… not bad, but not great either. Maybe with slouchy boots? No. Not with slouchy boots. Skirt is too long for slouchy boots. Forget the skirt. What about the red dress? For today’s holiday party. So festive! Hmm…too sexy for work? How about with the slouchy boots? NO. Not with the slouchy boots. Look like a festive office ho.

I really want to wear the slouchy boots. Maybe with jeans? Where are those skinny jeans? Omigod I will never fit in those. Will give it a try anyway. Ah! They fit! But are skinny. Well, they are skinny jeans. Ok, with the black top and the slouchy boots. Oh girl, you cannot pull off this look. Boots over jeans? You look stupid. Take them off. But wait, it’s trendy. Am cute! Am cute? Ehhh….

OK! New skirt. With heels. And…NO. Damn it. It’s the top. Stupid puffy sleeves. Jeans, yes. With…what? White sweater. With slouchy boots? NO! Stop it. Seriously, put the boots away.

White sweater, dark jeans, brown heels. Done. Wow…look at the bed. That’s a lot of clothes. No time to put away, must do hair.

Up? Down? Half-up! With headband! It’s 9:30 ah!”

At work:

“Stupid outfit. I hate you. And why am I shedding all over the place? Don’t anorexics lose their hair? Clearly, I am not an anorexic, as I have already consumed half of my daily clementine allotment and let’s not even talk about the brownie batter last night. Or the ridiculous amount of food I’m going to eat at the holiday party today.

Does this outfit leave room for a food baby?

Ugh, I should have worn the puffy shirt.

And maybe the slouchy boots.”