– Wipe down your machine. Please wipe down your machine. There is nothing worse than going to sit down and seeing the stripe of your butt sweat.

– Do not play Shania Twain over the loudspeaker. Ever.

– I understand you’re getting in shape for spring break. But why must you come with a gaggle of your girlfriends, dressed in identical skin-tight clothing (really? I didn’t need to see your ass-crack) and take over all the equipment? You’re barely even breaking a sweat. The gym is not an extension of your sorority house. And also, you know it’s January, right? Your fake tan is really, really obvious.

– While you’re resting between sets, please don’t watch me weight-train. It’s very unnerving to look up and see your shiny, bald head directed at me, your eyes boring a hole into my chest.

– The grunting is unnecessary.

– Please change just one of the flat-screens to something other than the news. It’s much easier to work out when you can watch something mindless. But a cooking show? Now that’s just mean.

– Deodorant! Wear it! And if you don’t, you better stay the hell away from me.

Got any grievances you’d like to share–gym related or not?

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