One of my favorite wedding tasks so far has been registering. Creating a mega wish list of everything we could possibly need (or want) is like Christmas in March! I knew that somewhere along the way we’d be faced with the question, do we get it even though we won’t use it? You know what I mean — the ice cream maker, the fondue pot, the bread machine, etc. All great in theory, but I’ll tell you exactly where they’ll end up for the majority of our lives.

In the back of a cabinet taking up space.

Which is exactly where the big and cumbersome cheap food processor is (I bought it to make pesto once and haven’t touched it since because it’s so big. And cheap.) along with our toaster. I think we use our toaster three times a year.

I was expecting to come across the usual suspects, but I was completely surprised to find what else was out there. So, I give you the list of the oddest kitchen gadgets that we don’t need but the uniqueness of them makes me think that I have to have them.

The asparagus peeler. I brought this to the attention of my friend Ashley yesterday and she said, “you’re supposed to peel asparagus?” Yeah, I didn’t know that either. I never peel my asparagus. Am I supposed to? Is there a nutritional benefit to removing the so-called peel? Does it make your pee smell any less weird?


The cherry pitter. Call me low-class, but I usually just spit the pits in a bowl. I suppose it would be good if you were making cherry pie (tastes so good, make a grown man cry), but I do that, um, never.


The citrus knife: for when a regular knife just won’t do.


The hot chocolate pot. Ok fine, very nice. Super fancy. But where do the mini-marshmallows go, hmmmm?


The herb mincer. I actually think this is a great idea, but in reality it would become just one more thing I have to wash and it doesn’t look dishwasher friendly so no. Vetoed.


The nutmeg grinder. What is it with people and nutmeg? I swear, every time I turn on the Food Network there’s some chef raving about fresh nutmeg. Let me tell you something, for the amount of times I use nutmeg in my cooking, the pre-ground stuff will do just fine.


And finally, my personal favorite, the mango slicer. I love mangoes and they are a pain to cut so this tool really would serve its purpose. However, it totally looks like a vagina.