One of my favorite wedding tasks so far has been registering. Creating a mega wish list of everything we could possibly need (or want) is like Christmas in March! I knew that somewhere along the way we’d be faced with the question, do we get it even though we won’t use it? You know what I mean — the ice cream maker, the fondue pot, the bread machine, etc. All great in theory, but I’ll tell you exactly where they’ll end up for the majority of our lives.
In the back of a cabinet taking up space.
Which is exactly where the big and cumbersome cheap food processor is (I bought it to make pesto once and haven’t touched it since because it’s so big. And cheap.) along with our toaster. I think we use our toaster three times a year.
I was expecting to come across the usual suspects, but I was completely surprised to find what else was out there. So, I give you the list of the oddest kitchen gadgets that we don’t need but the uniqueness of them makes me think that I have to have them.
The asparagus peeler. I brought this to the attention of my friend Ashley yesterday and she said, “you’re supposed to peel asparagus?” Yeah, I didn’t know that either. I never peel my asparagus. Am I supposed to? Is there a nutritional benefit to removing the so-called peel? Does it make your pee smell any less weird?
The cherry pitter. Call me low-class, but I usually just spit the pits in a bowl. I suppose it would be good if you were making cherry pie (tastes so good, make a grown man cry), but I do that, um, never.
The citrus knife: for when a regular knife just won’t do.
The hot chocolate pot. Ok fine, very nice. Super fancy. But where do the mini-marshmallows go, hmmmm?
The herb mincer. I actually think this is a great idea, but in reality it would become just one more thing I have to wash and it doesn’t look dishwasher friendly so no. Vetoed.
The nutmeg grinder. What is it with people and nutmeg? I swear, every time I turn on the Food Network there’s some chef raving about fresh nutmeg. Let me tell you something, for the amount of times I use nutmeg in my cooking, the pre-ground stuff will do just fine.
And finally, my personal favorite, the mango slicer. I love mangoes and they are a pain to cut so this tool really would serve its purpose. However, it totally looks like a vagina.
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March 18, 2008 at 10:11 am
pie
It totally looked like a vagina! hehehehehe. I’m such a teenage girl
:::::Scurries off to my own registry to add asparagus peeler and vag shaped mango slicer:::::
March 18, 2008 at 10:26 am
La
It absolutely DOES look like a vagina! But I can’t believe you never use your food processor! I leave mine out on the counter because I use it so often. Another frickin awesome invention? The apple slicer (same idea as the mango slicer). Genius.
March 18, 2008 at 10:27 am
Courtney
mmmm cherry pie! the asparagus peeler looks like a carrot peeler and i’ve never heard of peeling asparagus.
March 18, 2008 at 10:28 am
lfar
The citrus knife is the most ridiculous because it doesn’t even perform any function different from a regular knife. It’s just orange! At least for the other gadgets you can be like “alll riiight i guuuuess it might make some facet of cooking easier, but i’d never use it”.
I want to create a registry now.
March 18, 2008 at 10:30 am
Michelle and the City
the girls i eat lunch with every day always talk about asparagus making your pee smell weird. so it really is true then? i thought they were bluffing.
obviously, i hate asparagus. lol
March 18, 2008 at 10:34 am
Jo
Ok, 1) I’m not getting married so I wouldn’t need these 2) I hate the kitchen so I wouldn’t need these BUT I’m like in very much like with all of these! It’s like those things you NEEEEEED TO HAVE just TO HAVE!
March 18, 2008 at 10:35 am
littlespoon
I was just at Bed bath and Beyond and saw the Mango peeler and thought the exact same thing!
March 18, 2008 at 10:37 am
dreamgrrl
I love this post b/c we had the exact same discussions over some of the stuff we came across.
Who knew you were supposed to peel asparagus?? Very strange.
One weird thing I saw was a ‘one egg pan’, like why would anyone ever eat just 1 egg? Tiniest little thing ever.
I kind of like that herb thingee, but again – there’s no point for it!
March 18, 2008 at 10:38 am
DevilsHeaven
If I had a bigger kitchen I’d be registering for all that stuff! Vagina or no! Hehehehehhe At least I know F’s Mom would be happy that I finally registered!
Hmmm, Good Friday might be the day to make my wish list…….
March 18, 2008 at 10:41 am
notsojenny
i have to represent for my home state and support the nutmeg. i think it’s delicious and makes everything taste just a hint better. however i do think that a grinder of it’s own is a little silly. we just use a microplane. but fresh nutmeg… yummm. it’s definitely different from the little jar of ground stuff.
and the “hot chocolate pot”? really? doesn’t a teapot and a bag of swiss miss work just as fine? that’s my method : )
March 18, 2008 at 10:47 am
Nic
My mother has the mango peeler and the sharp blades do take away from the vagina-ness of it in person, because a vagina shouldn’t be able to kill you.
Also, the herb mincer is awesome, and you don’t need to run it through the dishwasher. Just a rinse is fine.
I want to go register now…
March 18, 2008 at 10:48 am
Darcie
I LOVE you… and I LOVE that you pointed out the fact that mangos and vaginas can somehow be synonymous. This is why we’re friends.
March 18, 2008 at 10:59 am
J P
What about the pineapple slicer? I want to get married just so someone will buy that for me. I’m too cheap to spend the $10 on my own. (In retrospect, the wedding will cost much more than $10. And I’m single. Might as well just spend the $10 now.)
The herb mincer does seem like a Godsend. Herbs are a pain to mince.
March 18, 2008 at 11:01 am
Hazel
Yeah, I use about two pots and the can opener in my kitchen so none of these would do me any good!
March 18, 2008 at 11:22 am
notperfectdotcom
about the mango: I’m a huge SATC fan and I get upset everytime I watch the scene where Carries goes “a mango is not even a fruit you can bite into” THAT IS NOT TRUE!!
Okay so I don’t really get upset, but I AM on my pedestal pointing out to you lesser people that here in America, the mangoes are hard and unripe, but the true tropical mangoes (in Africa etc) are ripe and soft and mushy and so easy to cut into- or bite into for that matter.
Stepping off now…I need to go find an excuse to register, can’t wait around for the perfect man anymore…that hand stapler cherry pitter looking thingy??..boi I tell ya I’m in love!!
March 18, 2008 at 11:38 am
Jessica
You crack me up! I think I need the vagina-shaped mango slicer. Mangoes are always in my kitchen during the summer! Woo! I’m a total sucker for kitchen gadgets…but I try to limit them to things I’d use more than twice a year.
Nope, didn’t know that you were supposed to peel asparagus. I usually just cut the tough bottom part off. Hmm, interesting.
March 18, 2008 at 11:40 am
Vanessa
I didn’t think about it until you mentioned it (ah the power of suggestion) but it looks exactly like a vagina!
March 18, 2008 at 11:48 am
crystall
This is me right now: ???????????????????????????
March 18, 2008 at 11:49 am
itsallabouthallie
I love the mango slicer!! I make a morning fruit smoothie and would love to have for this even though it looks like a vagina
March 18, 2008 at 11:49 am
Angela
Oh wow, that mango peeler needs a blurry bar over it! It really is… suggestive!
March 18, 2008 at 11:50 am
Peter
Love love love the Cherry Pie reference, woman!!!
March 18, 2008 at 11:51 am
Kateastrophe
HAHAHA you are hilarious. And it totally does.
I have an asparagus peeler (it helps take the nasty bitter part off the bottom) but those other things, are as you think, sort of useless.
March 18, 2008 at 11:56 am
Each
your effortless illumination of the ridiculous is magnificent, also the vag reference.
my mother likes to point out that her cherry pitter is also good for olives…
waste.
March 18, 2008 at 12:01 pm
sizzle
That really does look like a vagina. Wow! I have never heard of peeling asparagus. I don’t think that is necessary. It’ll still probably make your pee smell.
You only use your toaster 3 times a year? I couldn’t live without toast. It’s one of my favorites!
March 18, 2008 at 12:02 pm
poodlegoose
Why does that asparagus peeler look just like a potato peeler (that I don’t use) just with a green handle thing around it?
Glad you vetoed them… what a waste when you could be getting much cooler, more useful stuffs.
March 18, 2008 at 12:05 pm
bloggingbarbie
i am in awe.
that is all.
March 18, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Jenn
OK, I totally know that I’m kind of missing the point of the post (but not really) – I WANT THAT HERB MINCER/CUTTER thingy!!! Because my knife skills suck!!
March 18, 2008 at 12:11 pm
elizabethews
Hm…. Alton Brown would call them all uni-taskers and he doesn’t believe in them, so neither to I. I love the herb thing though…but fully, 100% agree with you about washing it. I have a problem with using things in the kitchen once and then having to wash it – I hate it.
March 18, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Anna
So want the herb mincer and the fake vagina. It would be useful. FOR SLICING MANGOES.
March 18, 2008 at 12:17 pm
bing
This was a funny post. I feel like I should go and register for some of the weirder items to see if anyone gets them for me.
I think peeling asparagus makes them less tough and chewy. But seriously, who has time for that? I just give it an extra chew.
March 18, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Kat @ The Burb Blog
Yeah, but just think about all of the space these things take up. You’ve lived without them long enough. And seriously, how often will you grind nutmeg and slice mangos?
March 18, 2008 at 12:37 pm
dreamgrrl
Oh and Im thinking about the “only using the toaster 3 times a year”?? We use our $20 toaster every day I know we would be lost without it. Do you like soft bread?
March 18, 2008 at 12:43 pm
dactyl
mango slicer… i start giggling, and then read that you just as much of a pervert as i am. how lovely.
i want all of those gadgets… mostly because i love gadgets. someone gets paid to come up with these things… it’s ridiculous.
March 18, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Tina Vaziri
Yeah the mango slicer scared me. The rest are way too funny. My kitchen is way too small, please only invent multi-tasking kitchen tools!
March 18, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Hope
Teehee.
It does look like a vagina.
And now, I won’t be able to look at a mango in the same way again. 🙂
March 18, 2008 at 1:19 pm
heatherdc
hahaha a vagina Mango-cutter.
I loooove looking through the Williams & Sonoma stores, but seriously, who buys half of that stuff? Well, I guess maybe people who think it looks fancy, have too much $ and too much extra space in the kitchen. Nothing’s wrong with that, kitchen gadgets are the Best.
March 18, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Jack
Oh great, now I can think of NOTHING ELSE when I look at that mango thingy.
March 18, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Gibsondog
I would absolutely love the mango slicer! AND the herb mincer.
Another little kichen thingy I found to put on my registery is a garlic saver. It is a little clay jar that keeps garlic fresh for weeks!
March 18, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Are You Willing to Change
Wow! Those things are so crazy! I didn’t even know that they existed either. I don’t think that I would ever use them but I think that they are pretty cool!
March 18, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Girl
OMG, I have never seen an asparagus peeler before! That is a riot! Sometimes I think there are way too many useless gadgets around that are made to take up drawer space in your kitchen, however I would never deny myself any of these items. I heart Williams-Sonoma! 🙂
March 18, 2008 at 3:18 pm
A Lil' Irish Lass
Oh Lord, I LOVED this post. Hilarious!!!
March 18, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Searching insights
Asparagus making your pee smell funny (sulfur) happens to only 30% or so of the population. It’s so tasty who would want to take even a bit away from its deliciousness?
Ooh, try wrapping Proscuitto around asparagus, baste a bit of olive oil over it, and broil for about five minutes. Instant deliciousness.
….you said vagina!…tee hee hee….
March 18, 2008 at 3:58 pm
JenBun
The only thing I could think after reading that last part was that Chris Kattan skit on SNL… “Don’t touch-a the Mango!” hahaha
Vagina.
March 18, 2008 at 4:01 pm
JenBun
OK, I just read Nic’s comment up there and almost died.
“…because a vagina shouldn’t be able to kill you!”
ahahahahaha, I choked on my coffee… I’m still giggling! That’s fantastic.
March 18, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Kate
hehe. hilarious!
March 18, 2008 at 5:35 pm
Deutlich
That mango peeler really does look like a vag. Yikes.
March 18, 2008 at 6:06 pm
katelin
I don’t think I’ve ever had peeled asparagus, weird.
And the mango slicer definitely looks like a vagina, so weird.
March 18, 2008 at 7:25 pm
tia
registering is literally THE MOST FUN THING EVER.
but you’re right, you do just end up with a bunch of stuff you never use.
like my creme brulee torch that i just HAD TO HAVE? yeah. i’ve never used it.
however, Hubs didn’t think I would ever use the cookie press, and i’ve used it like 4 times.
March 18, 2008 at 7:45 pm
libby
i LOOOOVE mangos! also, that cherry thing is so cool!
March 19, 2008 at 2:08 am
qu33nbee
Hehehe! It DOES look like a vagina! Man, I would get it JUST FOR its vagina-like qualities.
Also, that citrus knife looks great in that picture with oranges, but how about when you’re cutting lemons, or limes, or something not orange! Who buys that stuff!
March 19, 2008 at 8:35 am
jonniker
Ha HAAAAAA. Oh this was priceless. Thank you.
March 19, 2008 at 8:49 am
Cass
That is hilarious. I have wanted a mango slicer for EVER and I have the same issue with it’s shape. Would I be able to house that instrument with my other gadgets and open that drawer without thinking – there’s a model vagina in my drawer? I don’t think I could – which is why I continue to struggle when slicing the mango.
March 19, 2008 at 12:09 pm
L B
YOU NEVER USE YOUR TOASTER?!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhh. molly, molly, molly! you better make some peanut butter toast ASAP, yummmmmmy
March 19, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Princess Extraordinaire
It’s amazing how many mind boggling appliances and utinsils are out there – thansk for sheddding light on what I wont be needing!
March 19, 2008 at 1:16 pm
erin
HAHAHAHAHA – mango slicer. That made my day.
March 19, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Stacey
At least it’s not a vagina slicer that looks like a mango. Okay, that was wrong but that’s what I thought. HEHEHE.
And that made me laugh.
March 19, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Damsel in Digress
this post was fantastic. i really needed a good laugh so THANK YOU. seriously. love.
i’m not even sure what’s funnier. the absurdity of some of these gadgets (granted, i want them all immediately because me and obscure kitchen gadgets are bff’s – as in i actually OWN a jack lalanne juicer. freal. i’ll take pics and dedicate a whole post to it) or your commentary of each gadget.
i just lied. of course i know the answer to what’s funnier. your commentary. hands down.
March 19, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Shana Leigh
someone left a comment that said ‘vagina slicer’….ew.
March 20, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Eva
I want it just because it looks like a vagina. Also, please let us know how many people get to your blog by googling mango vagina from now on. Or vagina kitchen utensils. Or vaginas in the kitchen. Stacy- HA!
March 20, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Z
I love love LOVE random kitchen stuff. Totally unnecessary, yes, but I still can’t wait til I have a big kitchen to play with all those fun things 😉
March 25, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Froggy
Hey, I’m all for vaginally-shaped kitchen utensils. I bet Georgia O’Keefe would have been stoked.
As to nutmeg… it is the WONDER SPICE!! Add a tiny bit of fresh nutmeg to any sauce, particularly cream sauce, and you will undertsand the wonder.
You don’t need a special grinder though. I just use a fine-gauge cheese grater. Works fine 🙂
March 30, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Sonia
I’m a food whore and W-S addict. Since I just had a birthday I had made a wishlist on their website too. For some reason, I have some totally irrational cooking purchases (things that cost $25 that I’ll use once or twice tops) and then there are other things I might actually use more, like that herb mincer, but outright REFUSE to buy when I can do the same with my big fat knife. I make no sense, even to myself, but wandering around W-S sure can be fun!
With my luck, hubby would buy the mango slicer, not because we ever ever eat mangoes, but because it made him horny or something.
April 7, 2008 at 9:57 am
All Dressed Up « These Little Moments
[…] Poor thing. No one told her she looked like an upside down asparagus. Wait a minute, is that what the peeler is for? […]
July 23, 2008 at 10:32 am
5 things shaped like vaginas | Lesbilicious - the web's tastiest lesbian magazine
[…] Mangos are delicious, but they can be a pain to peel. Plus, most of the time they don’t even look much like vulvas. Thank god, then, for this mango peeler. [via TheseLittleMoments] […]