I went shopping on Saturday with a soon-to-be married friend and her sisters to pick some outfits for her rehearsal dinner and bachelorette party. As we shopped, we found ourselves caught between frenzied teenagers in the dressing room trying on prom dresses.

At least, I assume they were prom dresses, even though they had no resemblance to anything I ever saw or tried on while shopping for my own prom. Basically there was one rule: show as much skin as possible. And if that didn’t work, go for ugly.

Like this one. I’m not sure which is worse. The almost crotch-shot or the fact that her dress is held together with nothing more than little bow ties. I don’t know what the back looks like (I can only imagine), but those boys do look happy…

Poor thing. No one told her she looked like an upside down asparagus. Wait a minute, is that what the peeler is for?

I would pay money to see someone walk around like this all night. At least she’s useful. She can fan her friends on the dance floor when they get too hot.

Apparently I’m not the only one who doesn’t like this dress. Her cat seems to hate it too — clearly taking its aggression out on the bottom.

Tara Lipinski? Is that you?

I didn’t know aluminum foil came in blue.

And I’m definitely sure that all animals and birds, including peacocks, are not permitted on school property.

When all else fails, wear a trash bag. You’ll probably look better than anyone else anyway.

Their parents must be so proud.