I’m still struggling to figure out a way to share my life with you — without sharing too much. Honestly? When I have kids, I don’t think I’m going to be able to join the ranks of Dooce and Amalah and show you my babies growing up. For me, that’s the line in the sand. (Don’t worry, there will be belly shots.)
You may remember my last struggle with this a few months ago. Michael and I had a long conversation about privacy issues on my blog and I was forced to take a step out of this bubble I had created for myself and truly listen to my fiance.
So I made some changes. Photos came down, information was tweaked. I thought it would be horrible, but it wasn’t. I was OK.
Then slowly, little by little, I started sharing the photos again. Because this world has become a community and I feel like I know so many of you personally.
But there’s also many of you I don’t know. The ones that don’t comment, don’t write, don’t — well — anything. And I love you too, because there are many blogs I lurk through, not commenting, just enjoying. And I’m happy to be able to provide that space for you. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t stop and think about the one person that might not read with good intentions. The one person that may cause me or my friends harm if I reveal too much.
I feel conflicted over this wedding because so many of you have been with me through the entire journey. From a antsy girlfriend to an elated fiancee to an almost bride. I feel like I will be cheating YOU by not sharing my wonderful day.
So maybe there will be pictures, but no faces. And maybe pictures of the venue will be revealed AFTER we have long departed it. And one day you’ll see the tiny hands and feet and adorable shoes of my baby, just not the eyes that look like his father’s or the mouth that resembles her mom.
And that’s OK, right?
*Clarification: there will be wedding pictures. I’m just not sure in what capacity yet. You think I would deny you a dress picture after all this time?
These Little Moments 
48 comments
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July 2, 2008 at 1:15 pm
cinnamon.life
This post makes me so sad. It’s just unbelievable that there are people out there who have nothing better to do with thier time than to think of how to sabotage other. I remember reading on the Knot about brides who had posted invitations, only to have a mean-spirited person call and cancel the reservation at the venue. From one of those lurkers who doesn’t know you, I appreciate what you share, and appreciate the reality that keeps you from sharing more.
July 2, 2008 at 1:19 pm
leafless
“But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t stop and think about the one person that might not read with good intentions.”
Very true.
July 2, 2008 at 1:54 pm
paddington
Im a lurker too – this post made me realise it must be a bit weird to have people like me who dont know you reading this, and I can totally understand how you must feel. I am very new to this whole ‘blogging thing’ – I am planning my wedding too, and came across this site linking from wedding websites/blogs. The internet is such a strange thing isnt it? Such a weird web of communication that I think we are all a little confused as to how to deal with it. I love reading your blog – you write beautifully, I often really relate to lots of the experiences and thoughts you share. A huge part of the charm is the ‘personal nature of it. And yet, in some ways – although I know you are a real person with a real life, as an anonymous reader, it almost feels like a work of ‘fiction’ – if you know what I mean. I have actually never commented on yours or any other blog, firstly because the whole thing is very new to me, and I wasnt sure what the ‘etiquette’ is so to speak, but also because in some ways I almost felt like I dont really have a ‘right’ to leave comments – it seemed like too much of a personal thing to do – what right have I to comment on your life? It didnt seem quite right ‘talking’ to someone I dont know at all.
At any rate – all I really want to say is that your blog is great, and that I agree with cinnamon life – so sad that we cant really trust all those ‘internet strangers’
July 2, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Slightly Disorganized
sad. I would hope that you would be able to post pictures of your wedding. Or maybe you could email them to the bloggies you know? Certainly I think that at least everyone will want to see pictures of your dress. 🙂
July 2, 2008 at 2:15 pm
kylee
I totally get what you are saying.
I solved my problem by having a private blog – for my family/friends (with pictures, identifying information, address changes etc), a cooking one (for the nesties that cook), and an anonymous blog that details how I feel about any given thing at any given time. One where I swear, a lot. And ramble. Much like now. hmmm
3 blogs = too much time on hands.
Hang in there mate – I love this blog, but won’t be at all offended if you decide to take it private, or hold back on the photos etc.
Make it right, and make it work – for you.
July 2, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Melissa
I’m sorry that it has to be so hard sometimes. I look forward to reading your blog, so I’m glad you’ll continue on. As someone who blogs mostly anonymously, I totally understand your reservations. Sucks that there has to be the few jackasses who ruin it for everyone else.
We haven’t seen a Shoeru post in a while…just sayin’. 🙂
July 2, 2008 at 2:30 pm
mags
It’s understandable what you’re feeling – and it is sad that you have to worry about that one crazy person. (but you do) You write wonderfully – you’re one of my favorite bloggers. I hope you continue to write – and be comfortable with what you share. Thanks as always. And – I saw the work pics – wow – you mentioned that you’re worried about your weight – but you look fabulous…and thin!!! What a beautiful bride you will be! Wishing you much happiness!
July 2, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Katie
Totally okay. It’s a very thin line us semi-anonymous bloggers walk. I get it.
July 2, 2008 at 2:43 pm
KT
I would say do whatever you feel comfortable with. You don’t want anyone to cancel your reception (who the f* would DO that???), but as someone who is thinking about writing her own anon. blog, I can totally see how you wouldn’t want to put up any pictures. I, for one, would love to see whatever you post though!
July 2, 2008 at 2:48 pm
addy
I had a very similar conversation with my boyfriend when I first started my blog. I had some personal stories up there that he was not a fan of. And I have to admit it was really hard to step back and listen to his words – after all, it was MY blog and I wanted to write whatever the hell I wanted to write. But he brought up the point that it might not just be well-wishers and advice-givers reading my blog. So, I pulled back. (Obviously, because he’s more important to me than blogging about how he says funny things when he sleeps.)
I still struggle with it too, and with how much to post.
I can only hope that you’ll find creative ways to share some of your wedding photos – and I think baby toes and tiny hands are beautiful, so I look forward to seeing those someday too!
July 2, 2008 at 2:52 pm
legallyheidi
i lurk…kind of…but…i think you’re absolutely right. There’s something to be said for putting your entire self out there. I personally keep a level of semi-anonymity (if there is such a thing) on my blog because of that very reason. Not to mention, I’m insanely paranoid about anyone from work or my family finding it. Unfortunately, I worry that no matter what we bloggers write, there’s always going to be a few jerks out there who insult us or harass us which is unfortunate because there are so many people that are so talented and have a gift of voice that it’s a shame that there are lurkers who wait to cut them down and all that jazz. People like that? Need to get a life.
and to what cinnamon life said – i’ve heard that too and it freaks me the eff out. I will NOT be commenting on the knot boards :X
July 2, 2008 at 2:52 pm
bing
I know you have to do what’s best for you, but I hope it doesn’t involve you not writing anymore. Your blog is one of my faves and I would be sad if you stopped writing. It is hard deciding where to draw the line on what to reveal.
July 2, 2008 at 2:59 pm
verybadcat
See, I don’t get this part. I get protecting your identity so that everyone at work doesn’t find you on the interwebs and get too familiar with you personally. That’s why I switched from blogger to WP when WH started blogging- so I could lock up the posts that I didn’t want my coworkers or in-laws reading.
Am not being trite, insulting or otherwise crappy here. Who would stalk and hurt you? Bodily harm? Really? I mean, yes, nasty blog trolls could do horrible reception canceling or wedding crashing thingies- which are not to be underestimated. But what does Michael (or anyone else that feels the same way about this) envision as a result of posting pics and vague details? I am asking literally and honestly- what *is* the harm?
That being said, there is something creepy about lurkers. I lurk in places where I don’t really think I have much impact. I comment when I think that the author truly reads the comment, cares about what I have to say, and appreciates the time I took. So there are sites that I read and enjoy, but don’t necessarily feel that I have enough of an impact to warrant spending precious time and brainpower. Good reminder, though, to say hi more often all around, so that we have a better idea of who is out there, reading intently, caring about our next posts.
July 2, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Jessica
As long as I finally get to see a picture of the wedding dress – I’m ok with it =)
But seriously, I don’t think any of us will get upset if you decide not to post pictures and leave out identifying details of people/places in your life. It’s your blog Molly – and we’re just along for the ride. Just do what feels comfortable. Who are we to judge?
I might try to kidnap Kodiak though…KIDDING, KIDDING…I don’t think my vacuum could handle him!
July 2, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Rachel
When it comes down to it you have to do what makes you comfortable and happy, and it’s absolutely okay to establish boundaries. People do that in face to face relationships, why wouldn’t you do it here as well? That said, I do hope you continue to write in whatever capacity, you are extremely good at it and your voice comes through so well on the page. I hope you find a good balance hun.
July 2, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Sassafras
Oh I totally know the struggle. Every now and then I have impulses to completely take down my blog because OMG all that info is just sitting there waiting for someone to take hold of it and destroy my life.
And then I’m completely OK with it.
It is a struggle even after I think I’ve made a decision I’m at peace with.
July 2, 2008 at 3:19 pm
heatherdc
I have the same issue, alllll the time. Picture, or not picture? See the eyes, or can’t see the eyes? (does that really make a difference?)
Sometimes you just feel too comfortable, but what you do decide to share is what makes your blog *yours*.
July 2, 2008 at 3:40 pm
notsojenny
i think we’ll all appreciate whatever you decide to do. i am waiting to see you in the dress pictures… can’t wait for those and hope we don’t get denied that. but as far as the rest of the wedding details, i don’t think going full on blog-style (cutting heads out) will change how we see it. afterall, we already know what you look like so we can use our imaginations : )
no matter what, just do whatever you feel comfortable with and if you decide later that you’re unhappy with your decision you can go through and delete those details. yes, it’s a little after the fact but the point is that it can be undone.
July 2, 2008 at 3:42 pm
dreamgrrl
I don’t really know what to say except I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way 😦 I think I too am a little confused as to who can find and hurt you, etc – I mean, I know that stuff happens, and I know the world is not a very nice place but I guess I’m just naive and I probably always will be, until something not so nice happens to me. But of course you have so many people who DO love you and are behind you in a non-creepy way 🙂
July 2, 2008 at 4:04 pm
B2G
You need to do what’s best for you and your family to feel safe. I’m just glad we still get to hear from you at all, and if I’m being honest, see the wedding pics! 🙂
July 2, 2008 at 4:26 pm
tashamort
I’m a lurker (whoops!), and I just can’t comprehend the mean spirited people out there. It sucks that you’re going through this dilemma, especially since people (obviously) really like reading your entries. Your writing is very REAL and relatable. It’s nice. I hope you can find a balance that works for you, and that we STILL get to see some lovely wedding pictures.
July 2, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Jennie
Just do what is best for you – we’ll read whatever you decide to share!
July 2, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Amber
Thank goodness for the clarification at the end – I don’t think I could have coped with the idea of no dress pictures!
Sorry you’re having to deal with these anxieties about it all, though: it’s hard to know where to draw that line, sometimes.
July 2, 2008 at 4:54 pm
JenBun
I completely understand, and I know you will do what’s right for YOU… and for Michael, a little bit, too! 😉
July 2, 2008 at 5:52 pm
renae68
I used to have a family picture on my site. I love showing off how beautiful my kids are! But for the same reasons, I took it down. It’s just the world we live in.
Would love to see pictures, but certainly applaud your wisdom.
July 2, 2008 at 6:53 pm
LSM
I’ve commented here and there before, so I don’t know that I qualify for lurker status…maybe semi-lurker. 🙂 I enjoy reading your blog, especially since it’s been quite a while since my own wedding planning excitement.
I do have kids, and my policy is that I don’t post any identifiable pictures on the public part of my blog. I use WordPress too, and it’s nice to be able to password protect things so I can feel comfortable putting out the pictures I want to share with people I know.
July 2, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Dingo
Wait, the white frou-frou dress in the Cinderella pumpkin wasn’t your wedding dress? 😉 Okay, now you HAVE to show us pics of the dress.
When I started blogging I knew there were certain things off limits — nothing about me and Mr. Dingo and just enough info about family stuff to keep their privacy but would let readers know what was going on in my life. I mean, that’s why we blog isn’t it? It’s a fine line sometimes. Do what’s best for you. So, that being said, email ME pics of your wedding stuff and I’ll just tell everyone how beautiful and wonderful everything is.
July 2, 2008 at 8:53 pm
Talking Budgie
It’s a difficult line to walk, deciding what to write on a blog. And a very personal decision. I shut my old blog down (VERY sad about that) because I couldn’t stand the criticisms that were coming from my family about pretty much anything and everything. It got to the stage where I couldn’t even write about my dog because they thought I was revealing too much. Now I have another blog they don’t know about…
Delurking – I’m one of the readers with good intentions!
July 2, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Z
This is why I don’t post pics with faces in them… And there are plenty of wedding photos that are beautiful without giving too much away! (I just posted some from my brother’s wedding, for example…)
July 2, 2008 at 9:11 pm
janet
I lurk and read your blog because you are hilarious. I absolutely love “makes my feet hurt.” I will continue to read it whether you put “personal” information on it or not.
My wedding blog is geared towards my wedding party and our moms as the primary audience – I don’t believe it gets much traffic other than that. But I do have a lot of personal information on it, including location, etc… which may or may not be a good idea. Someone commented above that you can make your blog “private” – pray tell!! I would love for it to be invitation only.
July 2, 2008 at 9:13 pm
americangirl
I’ve delurked once or twice on important posts – to congratulate you on your engagement, etc. Not really sure why I don’t comment more. Your blog has been one of my favorite reads for the past year or two. I understand the need to be concientious and protect yourself, but I hope you continue to write and dish out shoe advice 🙂
July 2, 2008 at 10:05 pm
Casey
Hello, I’m delurking. I felt the exact.same.trepidation with my own wedding pictures. I still have yet to post them and I got married in March. Due to the nature of my job, I deal with some, um, unsavory folks, and if any of them were to find my blog, it would not be good. So, I started a super-private blog that has scant pics but is given only to people at their request. *sigh* I wish it wasn’t a legitimate concern but the fact of the matter is: you have every reason to guard your privacy…to whatever extent you feel is appropriate.
July 3, 2008 at 5:49 am
Guilty Secret
It must be difficult to find that balance. I am anon and I actually blog in secret so no-one in my life knows about my habit and I don’t post pictures with heads in.
But I have posted that I’m getting married at 3:35pm on a certain date in Wherewelive town hall and if someone really wanted to work out where it is there are enough clues in my blog that I think they could. Luckily I only have a few UK readers, but it’s still a risk.
I was thinking about posting our honeymoon details, but it started to feel a bit weird, to post on the internet which hotel I’ll be in on which date…
…so even as anon and secret, I understand what you’re grappling with here.
July 3, 2008 at 8:44 am
Becky
I’m a semi-lurker also, but I just wanted you to know that I agree with the above comments. It is sad that you have to worry about the bad people out there, but I can understand – especially because your blog is a popular one. For those of us with only a few readers it’s different, I think. Whatever you decide to do picture and content-wise, I hope you keep writing!
July 3, 2008 at 8:45 am
Rachel
It is definitely hard to decide what is best and what types of posts to post. I don’t post pictures often, but when I do, I just post the whole picture. With posts like this, it makes me wonder what I should post and whether or not I should be more careful with the things that I say in my posts.
July 3, 2008 at 8:45 am
Michelle & the City
i completely understand where you’re coming from with this post. i have thought about the future of my own blog with the same concerns. i hope that you share the pictures with some of us. can’t wait to see the dress! 🙂
July 3, 2008 at 9:13 am
Audrey
We all love you, Molly, and we want you to do what YOU think is right for you and Michael. I’ve delurked a few times over the past six months, but I’ve never posted my blog, because of this exact reason. How do I know who’s reading? Anyway, I understand your worries and hope you figure something out that makes you comfortable.
July 3, 2008 at 9:21 am
Tamblina
Okay, I have been found out…….I’m a lurker! I read your blog daily….and I absolutely LOVE it! I’m very excited for you and Michael. Your love is amazing to watch! Your wedding day will be fabulous.
I’m still SINGLE in Dallas. So, if anyone knows a Christian SINGLE man in the Dallas area who loves bbw’s…….send him my way! (Sorry I had to put in a plug for myself)!
Congrats on your upcoming wedding……..
July 3, 2008 at 9:58 am
Caitlin
Hi! Delurking! I found your blog within the past few months, and I think you’re awesome – and I grew up in RI, so it’s that much more fun for me to read!
I can totally relate to the how-much-to-share conundrum. I think we all can.
It can be a fine line, and you just have to do what’s right for you and your family.
Keep up the good work, girl!
July 3, 2008 at 10:01 am
Gotham Girl
I know what you mean…I had gone through the exact same situation. My boyfriend, who is an actor/musician, was not too pleased about me sharing our private life on the Internet for the world to see. Also, the firm I am employed at would FREAK if they knew I had a blog (even if I never talked about work, which I do from time to time).
So the pictures came down, I deleted many of my previous posts and my identity become anonymous. It is difficult because you want to share your life with people, but where do you draw the line?
Anyway, I LOVE your blog either way. And congratulations on your wedding. 🙂
July 3, 2008 at 10:35 am
Princess Taj
Hey there!
It’s so hard for me to say what you should or shouldn’t include in your blog. I’ve chosen to write under a pseudonym, and remain anonymous (well except for a few people I’ve become blogger world friends with) so I can’t exactly say what you should include and what you should omit.
It really bothers me that people out there include themselves in our little blogging world only to harass, poke fun, and leave mean comments. Yeah, we are putting ourselves out there, but come on, can’t you leave your bullying remarks back on the 4th grade playground?
You have to do what is right for you and for your family – you could always still post pics, but do something creative to cut out the faces. Maybe put Kodiak heads on your bodies or something.
Most importantly, you have to keep writing. Period. I’d miss you too much 🙂
July 3, 2008 at 11:56 am
gibsondog
I know where you coming from and its scary not knowing every person who reads. But, everyone who comments and de-lurks absolutely adores you. You’ve got a huge following and would be heart broken if you stopped writing. Write on! Write on!
I do the same thing, remain anonymous and try to post my heart – minus the details. Its tricky sometimes.
Happy Weekend!
July 3, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Peter
As long as you don’t start posting about bowel movements, you’ll be fine.
Oh wait…
July 3, 2008 at 1:46 pm
DevilsHeaven
I know how you feel. And I doubt anyone would blame you for limiting stuff. I know I would feel lost if you up and quit, so please don’t do that!
I’m thinking about how much I reveal too as we get closer to the wedding day. Even though I don’t want to quit, and don’t want you to quit, I’d understand if you did.
Just send drinks to help me handle the withdrawal. I still have gotten over the lose of Clink.
July 3, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Allison aka HaselBride
My fiance and I have had MANY conversations about this. He thinks it is horrible that Dooce and Amalah have put their kids lives out there for everyone to read. I love it because I can relate to them not feeling like they are perfect. I love to cuss and carry on and rant about stuff and so do they. I guess I’m just used to accustomed to stories over the internet – I’ve been reading people’s personal spaces on the internet since high school.
I think he has a really hard time understanding why I look to the internet to seek out people like me. He claims we all “live in our computers.” That kind of hurt my feelings. He spends every day with guys who are very similar to him and who have similar interests: their dream is to be a pilot for the Air Force, they make jokes constantly, they are very confident, a lot of them love running and training for marathons, etc. etc. There is a definite personality type. Too bad there isn’t one for the wives….
In the military it is soooo hard to find wives that have similar interests and personalities. My nearest and dearest are far away, so I seek out similar people via my blog or reading other blogs. I’m interested in design, weddings, cards, but I’ve just never had a “real-life” friend who was interested in that. Now I have a bunch of blog buds who are! I love it.
Anyhow, this was a long comment that really didn’t amount to much, but I hope that you find a way to still post without saying too much. I understand that you wouldn’t want to post too much about the wedding, but I’m hoping we’ll see a full-blown dress shot! I love checking in on you throughout the week, I would definitely miss that!
July 3, 2008 at 8:33 pm
Karen
I lurk. I’ll admit it. I really enjoy your writing. I’m getting ready to start the whole process of planning and I’m learning a lot from you. It took me awhile to find a blog featuring a strong writer talking about her upcoming wedding. So many of the ones I read have kids and since I don’t sometimes it’s hard to relate. So, it’s nice to find someone who is at about the same point in the Game of Life so to speak as I am. And I understand the whole privacy thing. It’s tough, but I appreciate what you do share. Thanks for being awesome.
July 4, 2008 at 3:37 pm
sarah
i’m dying to hear how clink’s wedding was!!!!! please tell!
July 7, 2008 at 12:31 pm
La Petite Belle
why not do a private wedding pics page and only give access to the people that request it, and that you “know” have no bad intentions? sounds like a happy medium, because i know you want to share your wedding with your bloggy friends, but having it all out there is scary, definitely.