Whenever the topic of my religious background comes up, I find myself going on and on about how my parents were raised this way, but removed themselves from it at this age and I was brought up celebrating holidays on both sides and yadda, yadda, yadda. If you’re interested, the full story with more details can be read here.

It’s not that I have a problem with the way I was raised. Not at all. I was taught to be a kind, spiritual, good person who believes in something bigger than myself. It’s just the issue of defining what (or who), exactly.

Yesterday I felt put on the spot. I was sent the final documentation for the church we will be married in and began filling out the form. Groom’s name. Easy. Age, check. Address, la, la, la.

Religious background.

I hate the silent judgement I get from people when asked this question. Just because I don’t immediately associate myself with one particular religion does not mean I don’t believe in something. And just because the person asking does not understand exactly what that means, does not give them the right to judge me.

I skipped over it and filled out the rest of the form. But then I had to come back. Leave it blank? No, because that implies that I’m not even spiritual.

OK, “spiritual?” No, too out there.

Undecided? Well, yes, but…

I considered writing out my whole story, but the only give you a space like this big ________ and yeah, it won’t fit.

I took the form home and placed it on the counter. Every time I walked into the kitchen it taunted me. Answer the question. Answer the question.

It’s not that I never want to have an answer. One day I hope to figure out exactly what my belief system is so that when we do have children, I’ll have a clear and concise thing to say when they ask me what I believe. And also so I have a clear answer when I ask myself.

I think there’s a lot of weight put on what I say on that little form. More weight than there should be. What I believe –whatever it may be — is really nobody’s business but my own. Being asked to define it with one word really gets under my skin.

I went with “unaffiliated”.

Open to most, curious about all.