Last night my laptop decided not to turn on. At all. Well, the LCD lights turn on and flash around, but that’s it. No screen. No fan. Notta. So here I am, up in our office on the desk top (italics to convey exaggerated woe is me) that is slow and some of the keyboard keys don’t work right and this one paragraph has taken five minutes and various curse words to write.

I called tech support this morning after reading about the issue last night. Turns out it’s happening to a lot of HP notebooks and I want it fixed! Except dealing with tech support is like a bilingual Who’s On First skit on acid.

“So you can buy the one year tech support phone package for $99.99 which is a deal, ma’am, because it covers yadda, yadda, yadda…phrase I can’t understand…yadda, yadda, yadda.”

“I don’t want to buy the tech support PHONE package, I want to know how to send it back to have it fixed and what the cost will be.”

“No, ma’am, this is for the tech support phone package which is a great deal and…”

Chucks laptop into street and hopes for the best.

We originally purchased the laptop at Best Buy so tonight we’re heading off to Geek Squad. While mostly disinterested in what I had to say on the phone (“Yeah, bring it to the store. No, you don’t need your receipt.”), at least they said it could be diagnosed in-store and they will give us a repair cost estimate.

Which is what I was tying to find out from HP. Not how much a tech support PHONE PACKAGE OMIGOD is.