Has anyone noticed there seems to be an inordinate amount of room freshener commercials lately? Plug-ins, sprays, motion sensors…is there something I’m not aware of? Does most of the population have ridiculously stinky homes that just must be conquered immediately?

My house doesn’t smell. I know it doesn’t smell because as you know, I’m totally smell sensitive and would freak out if I had a stinky house. I’ve even asked friends who I know will be honest with me to take a big ol’ wiff. I’m clear.

To assure the house remains fresh I do the obvious: clean, take out the trash, vacuum. And if it’s a rainy day (wet dog) or an aromatic dish (anything with cumin), I crack a window and light a candle.

Oh yeah, there’s candle commercials too. Telling you not to spend the money on “boutique” candles when  you can buy one from a company that rhymes with Made. What is a “boutique” candle, exactly? Do they mean Yankee Candle? Because one of their giant ones last us months (really, I’m still burning the “mistletoe”) and is strong enough to make the house smell good. Yeah, it’s $20, but if I was buying the four dollar ones at the grocery store that burn quickly, I’d end up spending the same amount in the long run anyway!

I’m not against room scents. I highly recommend the Febreze spray in Apple Spice for the bathroom. It makes it smell less bathroom and more orchard. We use it, but I am most conscious of having it in there for guests. Because anyone who has ever had to poop at someone elses house or shared a communal bathroom with coworkers will surely attest that it’s great to have something to spray in there so you can at least pretend you poop sunshine and rainbows and meadow dew.

For me, it’s a no-brainer. When we’re out, I buy more. I don’t need 15 commercials showing me giraffes married to smelly skunks, or moms joyfully sniffing their kid’s hockey bags, or grandma passing out on the rug after 10 seconds of blissful sniffing, or women sniffing in between their legs while they do Downward Dog during yoga. Let’s be honest, it doesn’t look like their sniffing the air freshener.

Also, the hockey bag one really grosses me out.