I hate how the media glamorizes infidelity. I always have. I love to go to the movies, but the minutes there’s a guy cheating on his woman I’m ready to chuck my shoes at the screen. The Last Kiss? Hated it. He’s Just Not That Into You? Pissed me off.
On Saturday I found myself all alone for the entire day. No husband, no friends, not a whole lot to do, so I turned to HBO to see if it could entertain me. There was this movie from the 70s playing called Same Time Next Year about a couple who meets once a year for more than 25 years to carry on an affair. It was funny, so I continued to watch it, but in the back of my mind it was making me angry. Especially when (spoiler alert) they chose to stay together and continue the affair at the end of the movie, despite the guilt they feel about it. And the way it’s set up, it ALMOST makes you happy that they stay together!
Infidelity makes me angry. Among the obvious reasons, I know exactly why it boils my blood so badly. I watched first-hand what cheating can do to a relationship. I watched it tear a woman I love to shreds and vowed that I would never, ever let a man cheat on me.
I have never had any fears about Michael. As a husband, as a man, he’s pretty much as good as you can get. I count my blessings every day for him and the relationship we’ve built together.
And I’m not going to pass judgement on anyone who has cheated because I can’t speak to their lives and situations. I’m not passing judgement, but I don’t agree with it, plain and simple. (Sounds like I’m passing judgement, eh? I’m really not.)
But I still see it all the time, treated as a casual thing on TV and in movies. Am I alone in thinking it’s terrible for the media to do this?
These Little Moments 
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August 3, 2009 at 9:18 am
crystall
it’s a part of life. like murder and divorce which makes it relevant for MOVIES. but the ashley madison bullshit? that makes me sick.
August 3, 2009 at 9:26 am
Budget Savvy Bride
I am so with you. I suggest you don’t see Funny People. One, because there’s infidelity- and it is angering. And two, because it really wasn’t good. LOL
When I was in third grade my dad had an affair. My parents are still together (although I don’t know how they mended their relationship- for years it was really hard for them) I don’t know if I could ever get over something like that. I definitely haven’t gotten over the fact that I know my dad did it. It’s put a strain on our relationship.
You make a vow, you keep it. I don’t care if it sounds judgemental… there’s no excuse for it, in my opinion.
August 3, 2009 at 9:32 am
holly
last week we rented ‘revolutionary road’ from netflix, i was so siked to see the rejoining of kate & jack. such a let down. was the most depressing movie i’ve seen in years. literally had me in a bad mood for three days & gave me nightmares. i feel the same way. i know it happens, but i wish it was not portrayed they way it was in movies.
August 3, 2009 at 9:37 am
Inna
I agree with Crystall that it is a part of life. But the Budget Savvy Bride makes a very good point, people who have affairs are breaking a vow.
I think its disrespectful. I think if someone is having problems in a relationship they should talk to their spouse. If they are thinking of having an affair, it would be nice to break it off with their spouse first, or at least discuss the feelings.
I don’t condone affairs but I think (from my very naive point of view) they stem more from a lack of communication and an idealized view of how things should be (as they are presented in movies) than how normal relationships really are.
August 3, 2009 at 9:49 am
raven-smiles
I hate it. Hate hate hate. I may stop watching Private Practice because of it. And I kinda enjoy that TV show, despite the fact that it’s just another hospital soap opera that isn’t on during the day. But without fail, it makes me angry.
August 3, 2009 at 9:49 am
prinny
I so agree with you on this one – I HATED “He’s Just Not That Into You” for that fact.
I agree with the Budget Savvy Bride, cheating is breaking a vow. And someone’s heart.
My relationship ended over a year ago because my ex cheated on and lied to me the whole three years – and it didn’t just break my heart but also my trust in anyone who’s a potential partner. I’m not sure how I’ll ever have a normal, trusting relationship again.
I know that I am bitter, but I hate the fact that society glamourizes cheating and that guys who do it are “studs”.
August 3, 2009 at 10:17 am
boo.mama
I totally agree. I hate movies that promote infidelity. Even if it does have a sappy ending. Grr.
August 3, 2009 at 10:57 am
Hope
But the whole point of He’s Just Not That Into You was to show that infidelity is wrong and doesn’t get you anywhere. As for The Last Kiss? I thought it was especially good movie because of the way it portrayed the aftermath of infidelity.
These things happen all the time in life.
I agree that movies shouldn’t glamorize anything that is morally questionable (for example, the way that violence is glamorized), but I don’t think that by simply choosing to use that theme as the basis of a movie necessarily means that they are glamorizing it or promoting it in any way.
August 3, 2009 at 11:09 am
Jessica Lynn
omg i was watching entourage (sp?) last night and was thinking THE SAME THING!!! How casual it is now to see a character on TV have an affair. Almost like its totally accepted in society now a days. Ugh.
August 3, 2009 at 11:18 am
Britt
I once read a blog that was all stories of this mans life cheating on his wife and it made me want to vomit. It is horrible and destructive and I don’t want to watch it on TV either.
August 3, 2009 at 11:22 am
MoxieMamaKC
There’s nothing romantic about infidelity. I’ve seen first hand how it has destroyed not only the adult lives in the situation, but children’s lives. It sucks and I hate to see it so callously portrayed by the media….
August 3, 2009 at 11:29 am
DevilsHeaven
Yes, I agree that cheating is WRONG. And it kills me when I think one of my friends is potentially having an “emotional affair” with her ex who treated her like crap. And I also hated what a jerk the guy in H.J.N.T.I.Y. was with the cheating and the office sex, etc.
However, that movie was about how we, as women, continue to make excuses for men and let them treat us like crap. Not about how great cheating is. I read the book, changed my life. And we all know that the movie never is as good as the book.
August 3, 2009 at 11:29 am
The New Black
That bugs me too. It’s as if we see it so often it’s becoming more and more acceptable. NOT the case.
I was surprised a year or so ago to hear that my Dad liked the movie Waitress, which I’d heard was a bit of a girlie movie, so I thought I’d give it a view. Turns out it’s about someone cheating on her husband. My Dad got a little chiding from me about it. 🙂
August 3, 2009 at 11:38 am
Kelli
I think we can all agree that cheating is the most intimate sin you can commit against another person. There is no excuse to hurt another human being that way, ever. The media definitely glamorizes certain issues like this, sometimes to make a point, and sometimes to sell a story. They seem to think it’s okay as long as the characters make the right decision in the end, but that is not reality, and it doesn’t make cheating okay.
August 3, 2009 at 12:05 pm
zoey
I just watched the end of “Unfaithful” (with Richard Gere) yesterday as I was flipping through channels and became mesmerized with the terribleness of it. I found it really upsetting watching the tremendous hurt and damage that was caused by the affair (in this case, the wife cheating on the loving husband) and it left me feeling unsettled and a bit weepy at the end. Of course, this was an extreme, but still.
As someone whose life, family and heart was blown apart not once, but a few times by cheating partners, I cannot express the depths of my sorrow and disgust.
Currently there is a married coworker with children who is carrying on with a younger, single woman in our office. They think no one notices the energy charge in the room. Everyone is talking about them. I think about what he is doing to his family and I think about how carelessly she is helping to destroy his family.
I want to slap both of them.
August 3, 2009 at 12:11 pm
ReinventingAmy
I’m def not a fan of cheating either, but I think divorce is way worse. Whatever happened to people trying to work things out? Or years ago when divorce wasn’t acceptable?Cheating still is bad though. If you dont want to be in a relationship, then at least have the balls to leave it. And you’re right- the media glamorizes cheating. “Stolen moments” that go too far, that lead to too much etc and how we’re supposed to find it romantic that “well maybe they belong together”. And have you seen that show Cheaters? Not that it romanticizes cheating or encourages it, but it’s used for entertainment! How trashy.
August 3, 2009 at 12:15 pm
poodlegoose
I totally agree with you. And it sucks because cheating is so much more complicated than most people think. It doesn’t just start out with someone with a wandering eye (well, in most cases… some guys/girls are just cheaters, as I’ve found). I’m actually not a fan of divorce, but with divorce so prevalent these days, it’s kind of easy to see why people wouldn’t take their marriage vows so seriously.
August 3, 2009 at 12:21 pm
A
I think you can absolutely pass judgment on cheaters! It’s a despicable action, no matter what “drove” a person to do it. There’s this thing called integrity, and cheaters don’t have it (at least not in the moment that they are cheating).
August 3, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Alison
This definitely strikes a chord with me! in the distant past, I could watch a movie like “Unfaithful” and while I thought that cheating was HORRIBLE, it didn’t enrage me like it does today.
I’m finding it increasingly more difficult to ‘lighten up’ about things I see at the movies– mostly, cheating, and how every female lead has impossible rock hard abs, perfect hair & makeup and killer legs. It’s not REAL– not really.
Cheating leaves a mark that never goes away. Ever since I started dating, every single boyfriend that I’ve had has cheated on me. EVERY.SINGLE.ONE. Except the present one, of course– but unfortunately, due to all the past assholes, I’m totally unfair to my current guy. I’ve gotten better, but it’s really hard for me to trust him with women (especially when ALL of his friends are females who are hotter then me!)
I agree that cheating really needs to stop being glorified, as do cookie-cutter rock hard women. Just once I’d like to see a few movies where the girl who gets the guy is… oh, I don’t know… a size 11 with hair that is sometimes unruly? And I don’t mean some “ugly duckling” movie, either. Different women need to be accepted as beautiful.
August 3, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Kathleen
I think it’s fine for movies and books and other media to portray cheating, because it has basis in reality. What I don’t like is when they romanticize it, or “glamorize” it as you said.
August 3, 2009 at 2:45 pm
spamwarrior
You’re not alone in this. I get very angry when I see the media and stuff glamorize cheating. There was a blog post on Glamour.com about some women who cheated on their husbands. There were statements written by them as to why they did it. UGHHHHH!!! Cheating hurts people. It’s not romantic at all.
August 3, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Tales From A Bar Stool
I don’t think that people were meant to be monogamous. Attraction changes over time. I think that couples need to have the whole “cheating” discussion and be open and realistic about it. It happens. Cheating happens. Sure, it’s awful and soul crushing but it’s natural. Humans aren’t meant to be with just one person forever.
August 3, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Lynn @ human, being
Glamorizing? Promoting? Or just reflecting? I’m with the latter.
Our biology does not support life-long monogamy. It supports about 7-10 years of monogamy.
http://www.science-spirit.org/article_detail.php?article_id=190
(Just one of many articles describing why)
Monogamy is a lifestyle created by men to control women’s actions and guarantee that their riches were not passed down to other men’s bastards. It used to work better when humans only lived to age 45 or 50 and when women regularly bore children at age 14-15. Many died in childbirth, or were felled by disease, so it was fine for the husband to remarry.
The second you put shackles on a person telling them they can’t have something, they want it. And you set the stage for making someone lie to you. I believe that marriage is a commitment to build a life together, to respect each other, to love each other–not to never have sex with someone else. The sex just can’t happen behind the other’s back–that’s lying and only right in the case of surprises.
August 3, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Jenna
Are there people out there who think cheating is okay? Like they would want their spouse to do it to them?
I always want to punch the screen in when I see something that makes me want to cheer for the cheaters who get together at the end. Icky.
August 3, 2009 at 4:25 pm
anonymous
My marriage of nearly ten years is ending over an emotional affair conducted under my nose with an ex girlfriend from 15 years ago. Our relationship was far from perfect, and truth told, I had given up about a year ago. Still, if he had come to me when the tone of the relationship changed with the other girl and had been honest, it would have hurt much less. Instead, he spent three months convincing me I was a crazy bitch for suspecting. Until I cracked his secret email account and found over 600 emails in that three months, with the first being a plea for her to leave her husband and run away with him. He told her that he never loved me the way he should have, and that he settled for me because she had moved on.
So that’s how I found out that I’ve spent half of my life being some son of a bitch’s consolation prize.
I will never marry again.
August 3, 2009 at 8:24 pm
Ashley
I don’t agree with it being glamorized. It is reality, however totally unacceptable. I think if you are going to get married, take the vow and stick with it. I was cheated on after 3 years of marriage, but thankfully, we worked things out. It was a struggle and still a struggle at times. But, I do believe in 2nd chances. I’m so very happy that I was open enough to give that 2nd chance.
August 3, 2009 at 8:33 pm
A
And to the “people aren’t meant to be monogomous” people… then break up. Start new relationships every 7-10 years. Cheating, with the betrayal it requires, is still a lousy way to treat someone you once loved and respected.
August 3, 2009 at 9:05 pm
Dani
Holy cow! I remember this movie. My then boyfriend and I got into a fight about it after we saw it. He thought it was a “cool idea” and I thought it was cheating and wrong.
August 3, 2009 at 9:26 pm
Michele
So, my husband and I were together for well over a year before we ever went to the movies together. Finally, one night we decided to hit the theater for ‘The Last Kiss.’
Awkardest. Date. Ever.
Leaving afterwards, we were both totally gobsmacked and freaking out.
Funny story in regards to a decidedly unfunny subject.
As for the other part of your post, I don’t think you need to apologize for judging people who cheat, or beg off as though you’re not. The bottom line is that judgment is judged pretty harshly, as if no one is allowed to evaluate someone else’s actions and determine whether or not they’re OK according to their own value system. In truth, almost everyone does this all day long; they just don’t talk about it.
So yeah, people who cheat on their partners? I judge them. (Pretty harshly, in fact). Just like I judge people who are cruel to animals, or who smoke cigarettes while pregnant, or who do any number of other things that I find objectionable.
August 3, 2009 at 11:29 pm
wellheeled
I can’t imagine what it’d feel like to be cheated on (and I hope I never will). And even though humans might not be “meant” to be monogamous for decades, we can still CHOOSE to be monogamous. That’s what makes us different from animals. We can choose. Trust is a cornerstone of all happy relationships, and an affair is like a torpedo.
Still, I think that marriage isn’t just about sexual fidelity – that’s one vow, but not ALL vows. If someone breaks the vow about sexual fidelity, does that mean the couple is supposed to break all the other vows? Isn’t “for better or for worse” on par with “forsake all others?” And isn’t an affair the type of betrayal that’s on the “for worse” part of the marriage? I struggle with this question a lot because I’m not sure what I’d do. When I was younger, I was unequivocal in that I would leave, no ifs ands or buts. Now, I’m not sure – because a marriage is more than just monogamy (although that is a HUGE part of it), it’s a life that you’ve built together. It’s roots you’ve put down in the community. It’s parenthood for most people.
I’ve read a book (don’t remember the title) that said in marriage you have to pick what mountain you want to die on. Some couples die on the Adultery Mountain, some don’t. When the push comes to shove, the truth is, I don’t know which mountain I’ll choose.
August 4, 2009 at 12:22 am
Marissa
I hate it too!!!!
August 4, 2009 at 6:17 am
Anon.
It’s not always so black and white. Lack of communication can be a big factor. And then problems because of that? And a lot of on and off? A big hurt and then there are the “friends” who subtly put the moves on, and wow, all of a sudden you’re involved in something you never thought you’d ever do.
I used to judge them so harshly and then when you’re wearing those shoes, it can be a lot different from the other side. Not trying to justify it, simply offering a different perspective. It’s not all people who are inherently bad. People make mistakes and you can get past them.
August 4, 2009 at 6:59 am
Dani
I came back to say that wellheeled’s comments was one of the most well written thought out comments I have read in a while. Thanks wellheeled!
August 4, 2009 at 3:19 pm
beasquared
I agree. It still shocks me how common cheating is. On my favorite morning radio show they do a segment called “War of the Roses” where the radio deejays pretend to call up a person and say they’ve won free flowers they can send to anyone they want. They usually set it up so that person’s significant other is on the other line listening in to see if the person will send flowers to them or another party. When they find out about the other guy or girl their significant other has been cheating with, then all hell breaks loose on the air. It’s entertaining but infuriating.
August 4, 2009 at 3:26 pm
beasquared
wellheeled: My father had an affair in the ’70s and ended up having another daughter. I don’t think my mother has really forgiven him for this but they have stayed together “for better or for worse”. I guess no one really knows what they would do unless they get to encounter that situation.
August 4, 2009 at 4:26 pm
Michele
beasquared said “I don’t think my mother has really forgiven him but they have stayed together ‘for better or worse.'”
THIS to me is just about the saddest thing in the world. While I do think infidelity is despicable, I also think it’s possible to move past it and for a relationship to be healthy and happy again. But it takes A LOT of work, atremendous amount of trust, and most importantly: FORGIVENESS.
Unfortunately, many couples who try to work it out do so with the one who was cheated on believing that it’s a matter of the cheater working really hard in order to regain their trust. In truth, it’s the cheatee who has the hardest job, which is deciding whether or not to forgive their partner, and love and trust them unconditionally again. It is literally an insult added to injury.
And an exceedingly small number of people are capable of doing that.
August 4, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Just Fine and Dandy
I absolutely hate it too. It’s not “glamourous.” It’s sneaky and gross. And heartbreaking for usually everyone involved.
August 4, 2009 at 9:27 pm
According To Anastasia
I gotta say – what a great thread of dialogue and opinions!!!
Although I do not condone cheating, I do believe that certain situations that involve cheating are understandable….
WAIT DON’T SHOOT!!! Not condoning….UNDERSTANDING….
For example, when teenagers, or individuals who aren’t mature enough to be in a monogamous relationship cheat on one another, I see it more as a “stupid” decision made by naive individuals – individuals that shouldn’t be in a relationship to begin with. Especially when you add alcohol and partying (usually in a college setting) into the equation, it’s just a disaster of stupid decisions waiting to happen, i.e. driving drunk, defacing public property, hooking up with someone who isn’t your gf/bf, etc
BUT – for mature adults who have taken vows, or have children – people who have made serious commitments and obligations to someone else – it is no longer understandable. It’s just wrong, and disgusting.
August 5, 2009 at 4:23 am
Kez
I feel exactly the same as you!
I think that cheating and infidelity are for cowards. I don’t like when they make it ok in movies and on television. Even celebrities make it “ok” by standing by their cheating men/women.
I think it’s because I just think there is no way that cheating is healthy. It is an avoidance of doing the right thing.
It’s a weakness.
People who think they can have their cake and eat it too are selfish and immature. Those who fall in love with someone other than their spouse are probably missing something in their relationship and instead of ending it or using their energy to fix things, they just create more problems.
I’ve never been cheated on, but I have seen what it does to people and commonsense tells me it’s NEVER right!
August 5, 2009 at 8:32 am
Gemma
ooh what your first commenter said about ashley madison?? TOTALLY AGREE. i HATE that concept. i think it’s juvenile and cowardly. as for it in the movies…yeah, it sucks but it’s all about the fact that sex and scandal sell. and the way they frame it makes you root for them everytime, it’s true. but yeah. point is i’ll tolerate it in movies because in one way or another they manage to tidy it up so nicely, but that’s not the case in real life. hence my blood boiling re: ashley madison.