Dear Facebook,

We need to talk. See, we used to be just friends. I’d stop by once and awhile. We’d chat, I’d look at pictures from your last vacation, we’d play some Scrabble and I’d be on my way.

And then I lost my job.

And suddenly I had all this time to hang out with you and, well, you didn’t say no. We went from hanging out once a day to multiple times a day, and then I got my new phone and suddenly I could access you no matter where I was. I became That Girl, Facebook. I became a little obsessed.

What did you have to say right this minute? Were you thinking of me, just like I was thinking of you?

You’re just too damn sexy, Facebook. It’s not just me who thinks so. There’s lots of us stalking you daily. Most of my friends do. My sister does.

Facebook, my mom hangs out with you too.

I think we need a little break. Maybe just a few visits a day. Like five. Tops. Just enough so I can see what’s up in your world and whether or not you’ve posted any new photos. I really like the photos, Facebook.

Oh, just one thing. I really, REALLY hate when you talk about your trips to Farm Town. Maybe you could ease up on that a little.

All my status updating love,