Hi guys, it’s me, Kodiak. And guess what? I’m five years old today!

I’m a big boy.

Remember last year, when my mom made me wear that stupid pink tiara? I was mad at her. I’m a boy, not a girl. I don’t wear pink.

Or sparkles.

But today! Today I’m five and today I got to wear a Big Boy crown made just for me. (I don’t know it, but mom says it covers my bald spot too. But don’t worry, guys, I already have some hair growing back.)

Happy birthday to me, Internets. If you want to celebrate with me, eat some beef.

I love beef.