Oh, hello there blog. How are ya? Forgot all about you for a while. See, here’s the thing: I’m having a hard time finding balance around here.
Balance in my every day. Balance in my relationships. Just a general sense of balance in my life.
It’s so cliché to say that becoming a parent turned everything upside down, but it DID. Not in a bad way, just in a way I wasn’t totally prepared for.
Did you know five month olds are demanding? They are. Especially when they grab everything, put everything (and I do mean EVERYTHING) in their mouths and notice — loudly — when you leave the room. Owen is SO MUCH FUN, guys. Like, loads of fun. But he also requires a ton of attention.
If this comes across as complaining, I don’t mean it to be. There’s actually nothing else I’d rather be doing than playing with my baby. But, I’d also like to, oh…I don’t know…keep my house clean. Or grocery shop without having to plan it around a nap. Or shower and wash my hair at the same time. (I washed my hair today. The last time I washed it was Thursday. We can all say “gross” together, it’s ok.)
We made the decision as a family for me to be a stay-at-home-mom, for Michael to go off each day to work and earn a living for our family. This is an arrangement I feel fortunate to have and I plan on continuing to do it until our youngest is in school. But, when people ask if I like being at home, I usually respond that I love it 95% of the time. The other 5%, I want to put on something non-spit up friendly and spend a couple hours alone and free of diapers, cries and the loneliness that can come when it’s just me and a baby.
That may sound a little selfish, but it is what it is.
So, balance. I’m working on it. I’ve been getting together with other mothers a few times a week. It helps break up the time alone in the house and I think the socialization is good for Owen. We take a mommy and baby yoga class. We walk.
I clean the house in 10-15 minute spurts, tackling the worst offenders first. The pile of dishes in the morning while he plays in his walker. The laundry while he lies on the floor grabbing at his chubby feet. Anything that is super quiet while he naps — IF he naps. And in between, we play together and I marvel as he discovers new things and smile when he erupts in big belly laughs.
And then, there’s this blog. A place I love to visit, but find myself stopping by less and less. And guys, I miss it. I miss YOU. I’m not going to be one of those bloggers who says they don’t care about the comments — I LOVE the comments. I’m a big ol’ comment whore. As far as I’m concerned, it’s the responses from you all that make writing worth it. The community, the stories, the friendships. I really miss it.
So, as I continue to work on the balance, I’ve decided to challenge myself to break out of this rut and for the month of December, I will be posting every week day. I’m putting it out there in black and white because I think it will hold me accountable. Do it. Just write. Write anything. I hope you’ll join me along the way.