Well let’s see. ‘Round here we’ve covered poop. And boobs, right? So why not talk about periods too. Or rather, a lack of one.

I’ve yet to get my first postpartum period. There’s a likelihood that I won’t for a while and it’s not like I’m in any rush to get it. NOT having my period for almost 16 months was not bad at all. Nope, didn’t miss it. But for the past few weeks I’ve just felt…off. Moody, tired, emotional. Enough that Michael asked if I could possibly be pregnant. (I’m not.) Sure, there’s always that slight possibility that you can get pregnant before getting a period while breastfeeding (I mean, you would have to ovulate first), but it’s pretty rare.

I kind of just disregarded how I was feeling until the last three days when all of the sudden my stomach started doing this horrible clenching thing. It initially felt higher up, like in the belly, but has moved down my pelvis enough to make me try to think back all those years ago to periods before going on the pill.

I cannot for the life of me remember if I used to get cramps; if this is what it felt like, but if this is my body gearing up for that monthly loveliness, I say NO. Couldn’t we just skip over this classic PMS symptom? I mean, really. Really?

I did some Googling and have found no real good descriptions of what the first postpartum period is like (anyone?), but I did read I could experience symptoms for months (MONTHS????) before actually getting it. Women? Short end of the reproductive stick, am I right?

My sister asked if I was prepared if it did come, and that got me thinking that maybe I should dig around in the closet and see if there are any lone tampons floating around. Just in case.

UGHHHH.

Of course, if it’s not my impending period, then I am clearly dying.

Obviously.

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