I’m not a bad driver. I’m actually a really good driver. But I have one big problem: getting in and out of  the garage. You may remember that I backed into the edge of it a few months ago (no? You forgot? That’s good for me.), but what I didn’t tell you was that one rainy night on the way to Lowe’s I scraped the bottom edge of my car on the retaining wall next to the driveway because I was…I don’t know. Over correcting or something. Of course Michael was in the car with me and was telling me to just back out straight! Just straighten out the wheels!

Only, my brain didn’t get what that meant. I didn’t know HOW to make it go straight. I mean, I was already to the right…and…? My parents are banging their head into the wall reading this, I’m sure. What with the hours of driving instruction they provided more than a decade ago.

I’m not an idiot, I swear. I just…didn’t understand the words coming out of his mouth. Until he said, why don’t, you know, just make the wheel straight.

Oh. That. Right.

Shut up.

At least now I back out of the garage perfectly.


Speaking of garages, someone needs to explain to me the thought process behind leaving your garage door open all day. Our last house didn’t have a garage, nor did most of the houses on the street, so I didn’t notice it as much. But now that we’re in our new neighborhood I see it all the time. Garage doors left open all day, sometimes with a car in it, sometimes not, but no people around. So what is it? Laziness? The idea that it’s just a little bit easier not to have to use the garage door opener? I DON’T GET IT.


There is a set of twins that jog on the main road by my house and they always startle me. Before you yell at me for hating on twins (I don’t! Yay twins! I have twin nieces!), let me explain. They’re identical twins; adult women with long blond hair that they wear in ponytails that bounce in unison. To see two of the exact same-looking person doing the exact same thing in just a flash as I drive by is just…surprising. (Troll comment to come: I’m an identical twin! What gives you the right to be surprised by me, you judgmental beyotch? You’re just a mother who can’t drive. H8TR UNFOLLOW GAHHHH!!!!”)


The baby wants a sausage, egg and cheese on a garlic bagel. I must do what the baby wants.