I’m nearing the end of my breastfeeding journey. It’s not the act of breastfeeding that I’m done with — I still enjoy that part. The closeness, the ability to put him virtually right back to sleep when he wakes in the night. Those are some big pluses. But I’m just starting to feel done. Nursed out. I’d like some time where my body is just mine before we have another baby, and it’s becoming increasingly difficult for anyone else to get him down to sleep without the all-mighty boob. I’m ok with having these feelings. I don’t feel guilty about them. I’m just ready to wean.
Owen nurses about five times a day. First thing in the morning, before each nap, before bed and once in the middle of the night. Most sessions aren’t that long, but they are so clockwork that it’s clear they’ve just become part of his routine. He expects to sit down in the glider at certain times during the day, and if he doesn’t…sigh.
Two nights ago he surprised us by not nursing before bed. He was reclining on me in the living room, giving us kisses and getting super sleepy. When it was clear he was ready to sleep, I brought him up, put him to bed and that was it. No fussing, no nursing. Just sleeping.
He didn’t do it again the next night, but it only reinforced what I’ve known for a while. He doesn’t need to nurse, he just enjoys it.
I’m not going to pull the plug on him cold turkey, but I’m gently starting to guide him in the direction of weaning. Lately, I’ve found that if I sit down on the couch — at any time — he thinks the bar is open for business and comes on over for a drink. Needless to say, I don’t sit down a lot during the day. So, if he asks to nurse during the day (he comes up to me, points to my chest and says “that.” Period. Matter of fact.), I tell him “Not right now,” and distract him with something else. Usually this works, as he doesn’t really feel the need to nurse, he just sees it there in front of him and thinks, why not?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not denying him the comfort, I’m just trying to show him other ways he can be comforted.
Since I wanted to do this slowly, I’ve decided to eliminate one nursing session at a time, starting with the middle of the night, mostly because I am just SO DONE with getting up. I want to sleep!! I’m the one with the boobs, so I’m the one who gets up. Every single night. For almost 14 months.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have entered Night Weaning Territory.
After coming to the decision (I feel he is ready. He has shown he is capable of sleeping all the way through the night, and he is certainly old enough not to need the calories until morning.), I was ready to put things into motion. I’ve read up on it, I’ve talked to my mom about it, I’ve questioned my mom friends about it. All my research has brought me to the understanding that a) the process will suck, b) I will be tired, c) it will take a few days, and d) he will not hate me when it’s over. Promise.
While I do think that some crying is necessary and allows children to learn to self-soothe, I’m not on board with just letting the kid scream for hours. One phrase I keep coming across is “Parenting doesn’t stop at night”. It’s true, you know? If I’m not going to soothe him with my breast at 3 a.m., I need to soothe him in other ways. I’m his mama, he counts on me for that.
Last night was Night One of the grand ol’ night weaning. He went to bed just after seven, but when two o’clock in the morning rolled around, he started to cry. I waited to see if he’s fuss for a bit and go back down. He didn’t. When he started to escalate and call my name, I went in. He was standing in the crib, clutching his sock and pointing at the glider. “Nuh! Nuh! Nuh!” He shouted at me.
Instead of nursing, I scooped him up and shushed him while I paced the room. Annoyed…no, wait. More like, totally and completely pissed off, he angrily continued to point at the chair and cry. I hummed, I kissed his cheek, and continued to walk back and forth. After what felt like hours (even though I was right there with him, I still felt sad that I wasn’t giving him exactly what he wanted), but turned out to only be five minutes, he changed his mind and started pointing at the crib. Like, FINE, Mama. This was a waste of time getting up. Put me back in my bed. (That’s exactly the idea I want him to have. That it’s not worth it to wake up and make a big stink.)
So I did. I put him back down and rubbed his back. He calmed down quickly and I stayed right there, rubbing his back, until he fell asleep.
Or so I thought. Just as I tiptoed back into bed, he started crying again. And when he didn’t settle, I got right back up, lay him back on his belly, and began the process of rubbing his back all over again. It took at least 25 minutes, as he was all amped up.
Finally, back in bed, I had just started to drift off when he let out one final howl. But then all was quiet. I glanced at the clock — 3:02 a.m., just over an hour from when he first woke.
Yawn.
At around 6:45 a.m., I woke up to the sound of his mobile playing in his crib and him babbling to himself. At seven, I went in, making a big happy fuss about seeing him and scooped him up for kisses. He immediately pointed to the chair and asked to nurse, and of course this time I would not say no. Instead of the chair, I brought him into bed for some morning snuggles with Dada, and he happily had his morning nurse, and went about his morning as usual. Totally happy, totally fine.
One night down.
Yeah, I’m tired today. But I’m hoping that tonight will be a little better, and the night after that even better than the one before. I’ll do a follow-up post when it’s all said and done.
Wish me luck!
16 comments
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August 23, 2011 at 10:09 am
Lisa
Thinking of you!
I was just telling my mom that people put so much emphasis on the newborn sleep deprivation, but I almost think it’s worse as they get older. There’s something about that getting up in the middle of the night to a baby that’s not really hungry, but just wants to play, or scream, or play and scream, or just generally be awake. It’s exhausting!
August 23, 2011 at 10:30 am
Candice
All things given, that doesn’t sound so bad at all. One hour in the middle of the night does feel like six hours, but hopefully every night is shorter and quickly there’s a night you don’t get up at all.
August 23, 2011 at 10:36 am
Britt
Good luck! I hope tonight is even better 🙂
August 23, 2011 at 10:40 am
Becky
I’ve been thinking about starting this process at our house too. James is 18 months tomorrow, and although I love the closeness and the comfort I can give him, I’m ready to be done. I have the same issues with him thinking that I’m open for business all the time. It’s heartening to hear somoene else talk about doing this in the way I think we will; without letting him cry it out. It’ll be rough, but it’ll be worth it.
August 23, 2011 at 10:50 am
Grace
Thanks for posting about this! My daughter is only six months, so I have a long way to go still, but it’s good to know about other people’s experiences weaning once we are both ready.
August 23, 2011 at 11:08 am
Life of a Doctor's Wife
Good luck! Sounds like a great start. I hope it just keeps getting easier.
August 23, 2011 at 11:55 am
Jesica
Good luck! Sounds like he’s ready and so are you, I believe that is exactly the perfect time to start weaning =)
August 23, 2011 at 1:08 pm
Emily
Good luck! I started really filling Jude up at night. So a bottle of milk and nursing and somehow it has worked. He was like O EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. until like 11 months and now magically he isn’t asking to nurse in the middle of the night. Unless we travel or are off his routine. He is 12 months now. I am not ready to give it up during the day but he does only like 3 times and has milk at the other times he wants something. It’s a tradeoff but it’s gradual.:))
August 23, 2011 at 1:32 pm
Rachel
My daughter just weaned herself a couple of weeks ago. At first I was upset about it because I missed the us time but its nice to have my body back after over a year. That being said, you’ll find other things for just the two of you to do.
August 23, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Veronica
my girl started to night-time self wean on her own, it wasn’t every night, but it was most nights. At her 15 month appointment I discussed fully night weaning with the pedi and he said it was time, she doesn’t need the calories at night and I was letting her turn me into a giant binky!! He said to let her go 20 minutes before I went in to check on her at night. In my head I was all “20 minutes, no way that is to long, my poor baby” but then I tried it and it was hard and I will admit I let her cry the full 20 min (pure agony on my part), then I went in. and it got much better as the nights went on and now to be honest, she puts herself back to sleep 99% of the time and the crying last all of 2 mins now, but this has been a month long process, the first night – she cried all 20 minutes, then of course the next night she slept through the whole night. she was being her usual inconsistant sleeper!! It gets better!!!
We are down to 2-3 nursing sessions a day and I am fine with that – it works for both of us. I have never felt like I didn’t have my body to myself, in my mind it is mine – I just happen to nurse. But I am lucky that if I am not home, she will take a sippy cup of warm breastmilk from my husband and will go to bed without complaint for him. I would love to go to just morning and night nursing, but she isn’t ready to fully cut out that mid-afternoon snack, sometimes I can distract her and get her to skip it, but not always.
August 23, 2011 at 6:25 pm
LSM
I weaned my son at 13 months, and a huge part of the success at night was having my husband go in to do the soothing. My son knew his daddy was of no use to him in the nursing department. It’s hard, but if you can turn over night duty for a few days, you should!
August 23, 2011 at 9:04 pm
Sass
I know exactly how you feel. Good luck tonight!
August 23, 2011 at 11:43 pm
Sarah
Oh yikes… well I don’t know the first thing about weaning, or night weaning, or weaning at any hour of the day really…. but you are a rock star mama and will figure it out! : )
This post was the sweetest glimpse at everyday motherhood though… omg the “nuh”-ing and the pointing at the glider… heart melting!!
August 24, 2011 at 8:33 am
Veronica
Well didn’t I jinx this!! Last night she cried for the full 20, husband went in, got her settled down, but she would not go back to sleep for him. so then I went in and just rocked her and she went back to bed, but then proceeded to be quiet for a few minutes then scream for a few minutes – after 45 minutes of that I had enough and rocked her again – never once offered the boob and she didn’t ask – she passed out and then went to bed no problem. A somewhat successful adventure – although I was up for over an hour in the middle of the night – I am exhausted today!
August 24, 2011 at 10:46 am
gcrane
Sounds like you are taking great strides! One suggestion though, is maybe when you go in at night, while you are walking him around the room, talk to him about being a big boy and that you don’t need to nurse him during the night anymore, that he can sleep all the way through. This may sound silly, as he is still young, but you may be shocked at what he can actually understand. So re-enforcing with words, may actually help, it did with my eldest. good luck!
August 25, 2011 at 5:49 pm
sarah
I weaned my son from middle of the night nursing around 10 months, but he was still nursing at wake up and for nap time at 18 months when we moved…I was able to wean him cold turkey at that point because there was no routine yet in our new house, plus there were so many exciting distractions — boxes! new yard! new room! The last time he ever nursed was our last day in our old house. Just a thought for your future since you’ve been talking about buying/selling houses…good luck!