Hi all! I’m Kate and I live (well not LIVE really but you know what I mean) over at Walking Kateastrophe. What I am most famous for are my “Kateastrophes.” They are the most requested feature on my own blog and I figured giving you one would probably be the best (and most embarrassing) way to introduce myself to all of you. And I’m going to start with a bang and tell you about the Kateastrophe to end all Kateastrophes. Some of you may have already heard this, and I apologize for the repeat, but it’s really the one that gives you an idea of just.how.stupid.I.really.am. And I still laugh every time.And it’s all about entertaining myself, really.
So, flashback to April, 2002. I have finally completed my requirements for my Fine Arts Degree in Music Dance Theatre from Brigham Young University. I’m finally a real adult and I’m proud of it. You should know that our small major was notorious around the Fine Arts Department for being loud and obnoxious, and we lived up to our reputation during the very long, very boring commencement.
Toward the very end of the ceremony, the dean was thanking everyone who had been involved in all the graduates’ achievements; the graduates themselves, their peers, their teachers and of course, their parents. It was at this point that my best gay buddy Clark leaned over and said to me “we should stand up and cheer for our parents.” Being the obnoxious MDT majors we were known to be, we stood up and whooped and hollered and cheered and drew all the attention to ourselves. And our humiliated parents, of course.
Then we sat down.
Only . . . when I sat down my chair . . . well . . . “scooched” backward.
Now, “federal regulations” require that any riser taller than about 3’ has to have “back support” to prevent individuals from falling off the risers. BYU had followed this rule to the absolute minimum. The “back support” was about the equivalent of a ruler held up by two ¼” dowels. So, when I “scooched” the back support “snapped.”
The back two legs of my chair were off the edge of the riser and I had no back support.
I.started.falling.off.the.six.foot.high.riser.
So, I did what any normal, flailing, falling college graduate would do. I grabbed on to Clark to support me. Only, it didn’t work. Clark’s chair “scooched” and he started falling.
So Clark did what any normal, flailing, falling college graduate would do and he grabbed on to Cindy, the girl next to him. Only THAT didn’t work. Now she had been a little smarter and saw the fall coming and held on to her chair for dear life. There was a loud “SSSCCREEEEAAACCCCCHHH” sound before she AND her chair started going over the edge.
Now, SOMEHOW, after losing my chair to the floor below, I managed to grab on to the underside of the riser and hold on, but, my graduation gown flew over my head and I was hanging, butt down, from the riser with my gown covering my face. My calves were the only thing not suspended in mid-air, and probably the only thing that saved me from falling all the way down.
Clark was not so lucky. He started flailing even more and somehow managed to grab on to the curtain of the theater and SLIDE down it to the floor, hitting with a thud.
Cindy and her CHAIR pitched sideways over the edge and landed RIGHT.ON.TOP.OF.CLARK. Face down, provocative style. By itself, it’s funny. But knowing that Clark was very, very gay, made it even funnier.
Clark and Cindy exited stage right as quickly as they could and it probably took me about twenty minutes to get my laughter under control and start breathing normally again. I still can’t believe that I wasn’t mortified . . . I just thought (and still do) that it was HILARIOUS.
Later that night my family was laughing about what had happened and each person who had been in the audience was telling their reaction. There was a fun combination of laughter and hysterical fear, but my personal favorite was my brother Sean’s reaction. (Keep in mind that I went to Brigham Young University and 98% of the attendees and their parents are tried and true Mormons.) Sean, seeing my fall says OUT LOUD from the SECOND ROW of the HUGE MORMON FILLED THEATRE in a LOUD VOICE:
“My stupid sister just F***ING fell off the F***ING back row.”
I’m pretty sure the BYU Honor Code Police are still looking for me to strip me of my diploma for that one. Shhh. Don’t tell them where to find me.
39 comments
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January 9, 2008 at 9:41 am
elizabethews
That is pretty damn hilarious. I fear that I’ll remember that in some serious meeting today and start laughing uncontrolably. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing that.
January 9, 2008 at 9:41 am
L B
hilarious!!! there is nothing to do but be proud of that event…who else will remember their graduation like you will?! having a great story –even if it is painful or embarrassing– makes it sooooo worth it in the end 🙂
January 9, 2008 at 9:54 am
cdp
O.M.G.
That is one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard. I’m laughing out loud over here – the description was awesome, I could picture it all in my mind. Hilarious.
Nicely done.
January 9, 2008 at 9:56 am
Peter DeWolf
Ha! Yours is clearly not one of those ironic blog titles.
January 9, 2008 at 10:07 am
littlespoon
You made me snort. It’s very hard to make me snort when I laugh. I do believe you will be added to the reader 🙂 Sweet.
January 9, 2008 at 10:09 am
Michelle and the City
wow. what a story!
January 9, 2008 at 10:13 am
Pessimistic Redhead
My dear God, that is so awesome.
January 9, 2008 at 10:24 am
pie
I just spit green tea all over my computer screen and it was worth it. hilarious!
January 9, 2008 at 10:31 am
violet
hahah AMAZING
January 9, 2008 at 10:37 am
DevilsHeaven
I can’t say that makes you stupid, just clumsy? But damned entertaining!!!
I could totally picture it in my head. 😀
January 9, 2008 at 10:46 am
Stephanie
Oh.My.God. That could not have been more perfect-for-TV. I can’t believe it ACTUALLY HAPPENED though! Did your parents happen to video tape the ceremony?
January 9, 2008 at 10:47 am
itsybitsymama
Holy crap! Your graduation sounds like it was way more fun than mine!
January 9, 2008 at 10:49 am
Clink
I laughed out loud when you sent this to me and I laughed out loud reading it again.
Hilarious.
January 9, 2008 at 10:50 am
MG
haha, great story! The business department (which I was in) at my school was the rowdy ones. My friends mom delivered food to us, and when they ran out of music for us to exit to, the entire department started singing Pomp and Circiumstance…good times.
January 9, 2008 at 11:04 am
Z
Hilarious. And now I’m gonna head over to your blog to read some more of your “Kateastrophes” 🙂
January 9, 2008 at 11:23 am
Ashley
HAHA that is CLASSIC. Now I’m going to have to head over to your blog to read more of these. Hysterical!!
January 9, 2008 at 11:31 am
Each
hmmm, sounds familiar, i might be the east coast version of you!
i’m always falling, breaking, foot in mouthing, smearing, tearing, ass showing, disastering, without intention.
January 9, 2008 at 11:38 am
The Lisa Show
Dude, that’s BRILLIANT. I need to shake your hand.
January 9, 2008 at 11:43 am
distracted spunk
Sweet. I dig you and have now added you to my blog reader because I’ve never met anyone who might actually have more “accidents” than me!
January 9, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Recovering Overachiever
Wow! That’s SO special! At least you had a memorable graduation ceremony and a funny story to tell new friends!
January 9, 2008 at 12:24 pm
kwarterlifecrisis
Oh my dear sweet Lord. That is the funniest story I’ve heard in a long time. I’m at work right now and I literally had my hand over my mouth to muffle the giggles the entire time I was reading. SO funny!
January 9, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Brillig
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Nuff said. This is one of my favorite Kate stories of all time!!! Glad you shared it with the world!
January 9, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Jess
Wow, at my graduation it was sprinkling but they were still determined to hold it outside and all our chairs were on the grass, so we were all sinking into the mud during the whole ceremony and our heels in the dirt made the processional very… jerky. I thought that was bad. Now I see that it could have been so much worse.
January 9, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Jewels
BRILLIANT! This was the best story to share, good on ya. Can’t wait for everyone to visit your blog and read the rest of your hilarious stories! Brava!!! I will give you a standing ovation only because I’m pretty sure I won’t be falling down backwards when I sit back down…
January 9, 2008 at 1:08 pm
*kb*
OMG, this is HYSTERICAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you!
January 9, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Sassafras
Oh man that is way too funny. I wonder if anyone got a video of it – that would be hilarious to send into AFHM (America’s Funniest Home Videos). Not that I watch that show or anything.
January 9, 2008 at 2:00 pm
DG
Yay Kate! You’re here!!! Do you know that it was this exact story that made me fall in love with you? I remember laughing my ass off and saying”this girl is AWESOME”.
January 9, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Rose
LOVE.IT.
January 9, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Katelyn
I can’t even begin to tell you how much I just laughed out loud at that one. Good thing I’m alone in my office, or I would look crazy!
January 9, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Rachel
I wish that happened to me! I’m like you…never get mortified, just laugh my ass off. For instance. Game night with another couple. Laughed sooo hard. Peed my pants. Laughed HARDER! Made my husband take a picture of my wet ass (with my pants on). It still makes me laugh!
Your story takes the cake, though! Good going.
January 9, 2008 at 4:26 pm
qu33nbee
Wow. That was pretty great. Kudos for not being mortified. I would’ve turned beet red.
January 9, 2008 at 6:43 pm
katelin
Oh man, that’s hilarious. I would have laughed the whole thing off too, that’s about all you could do, haha.
January 9, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Katie
Oh my god, that was so freaking hilarious! I was laughing so hard that my husband asked what was so funny 🙂 You know there must be a tape of that somewhere!
January 9, 2008 at 9:35 pm
daily editor
Wow, that is funny. If you do happen to come across a tape of that, let us know, k?
January 9, 2008 at 10:26 pm
Anna
That story just kept getting better and better. To think that I thought you were just going to miss your chair and fall on the floor.
I just read what may be the most exceptional “kateastrophe” of all time, over at one of my faves, Moosh in Indy. I think you two can console each other…
http://mooshinindy.com/2008/01/08/home-again-home-again-nakedjiggity-jig/
January 10, 2008 at 2:19 am
libby
oh my dear lord that is freaking hilarious!
January 10, 2008 at 6:39 pm
gibsondog
HA! That was so funny! That cracked me the hell up! HA!
January 10, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Katie
You had me at Kateastrophe. Must go read more.
January 17, 2008 at 8:19 am
Girl, dislocated
This NEVER gets old!!! 😀