To ring, or not to ring?

April 1, 2011 in ideas

Last night I saw on the news that Prince William will not wear a wedding ring after he marries Kate Middleton. For some reason, this really rubbed me the wrong way.

I said something about it on Twitter, and there were some sarcastic responses about “like father, like son”, and it got me thinking, that’s exactly why I don’t like it. Wasn’t Charles keeping Camilla on the side while he was still with Diana? Am I wrong? Am I admitting to knowing way more about the royal family than I’d like to?

Either way, Charles’ history or not, it bothers me that Prince William won’t be wearing a wedding band. Especially since Kate will be. Being a married person myself, I’d be hurt if Michael chose not to wear a ring. Why? Because it symbolizes something more than a wedding day. Trust, committment, love, family. Sure, you can be a cheating bastard and still be wearing your wedding ring, so all those symbols could mean absolutely nothing, but to step out of the gate first thing — to say your vows, place a ring on your wife’s finger (essentially stating she is a taken woman) and then not reciprocate?

Meh.

I know I’m going to get flamed by at least someone in the comments. Someone whose father/brother/uncle/friend doesn’t wear a wedding ring and is a wonderful, loving, faithful husband none-the-less. Of course he is! I’m not saying by keeping your ring finger bare you are any less than a perfect partner. My friends’ father works with his hands, he can’t wear the ring. He’s been faithfully married for 30 years. That’s not the point.

What I’m saying is that here are two VERY public figures, surrounded by endless buzz about their wedding that has been going on for MONTHS. They’ve made a pretty huge stink about this whole getting married business. They’re royalty. And it’s not like neither one will be wearing a wedding ring; the wife will be. Why shouldn’t the husband?

Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe this is not a big deal to anyone else. Maybe in Britain, this hasn’t even been talked about. I have a feeling, though, that if President Obama didn’t wear his wedding ring, there would be all sorts of controversy over it and the institution of marriage and family.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on this rainy day. Feel free to disagree with me, just keep it civil, ok? Comment wars are so 2010.

52 comments

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April 1, 2011 at 8:59 am

LKP

I felt the same way for a quick minute, but then I figured “Hey, it’s not like the whole WORLD won’t know he’s married! He’s Prince William!!” My dad actually didn’t wear a ring for the first 10 years of his marriage to my stepmom, and then suddenly, there was one on his finger. You just never know! Wills (yes, we’re tight like that) just might change his mind, too.

PS: Don’t even get me STARTED on Camilla (she was there before, during, and AFTER!! grrr)–but something tells me that seeing a ring isn’t going to stop certain people, either!

April 2, 2011 at 1:32 am

leeleemac

agreed!

April 1, 2011 at 9:20 am

Candice

Meh. We’re looking at this in a very American way. Fewer people around the globe wear rings than Americans do, especially men. And it’s especially not rare for the man not to wear a ring in society or royal weddings/marriages. In those marriages, it’s often only the woman who wears a wedding band. It’s not an issue worth getting your knickers in a bunch over. 😉

As for his dad, I think he wanted to marry Camilla and the family stopped him b/c she wasn’t appropriate enough or whatever. They clearly love each other and should have just gotten married at the start, period.

April 1, 2011 at 9:22 am

missmitten

I don’t care if he wears a ring or not. My husband does and that’s all that I have enough time to worry about. He is one of those husband’s that takes off his ring for work, but he keeps it in his pocket until his day is over. At the end of the day though, whether he has his ring on or not, we’re still married, ya know.

April 1, 2011 at 9:29 am

stealthnerd

It’s not just you, I had the same reaction when my hubby told me about this last night. I love that my husband wears a ring and I would feel really weird if he didn’t want to wear one. I know William’s a public figure and everyone should KNOW that he’s married, but that wouldn’t stop someone from making a move on him. Not that a ring should be worn just a “keep off” sign, but that fact that you wouldn’t want to wear one feels like not acknowledging what you’ve already acknowledged

April 1, 2011 at 9:41 am

Julia

Apparently it I’d common in the UK for men not to wear wedding bands. I don’t think William means anything by it – it’s just the way things are done there.

April 1, 2011 at 9:44 am

Britt

I agree. I’d be really hurt and upset if my husband didn’t wear his ring. It’s an important symbol to me and our little family.

April 1, 2011 at 9:47 am

kates

It’s kind of a British cultural thing. I have several close friends who have married Brits. I’d say including them and all the others I’ve met over the years of visiting, probably half of the husbands wear wedding bands and half don’t. It’s more modern to wear one and a little more old school/posh to not wear one.

However, a lot of the posh ones DO wear one of those crest pinky rings which always gave me the icks.

April 1, 2011 at 10:13 am

Courtney

I’m iffy on this. Gut reaction was identical to yours, but the cultural background does change things. My bottom line is this – if your wife is wearing one, you should be too.

April 1, 2011 at 10:38 am

Spring

I’m totally with Candice on this one. Wedding bands are an American tradition, and given our crazy high divorce rate, I would argue that they have no correlation whatsoever with the health of the relationship.

Check this out from Wikipedia: “The double-ring ceremony, or use of wedding rings for both partners, is a relatively recent innovation. The American jewellery [sic] industry started a marketing campaign aimed at encouraging this practice in the late 19th century. Learning from marketing lessons of the 1920s, changing economic times, and the impact of World War II, led to a more successful marketing campaign, and by the late 1940s, double-ring ceremonies made up for 80% of all weddings, as opposed to 15% before the Great Depression.”

Not surprising, eh?

April 1, 2011 at 10:42 am

Laura

I kind of see both sides too. If our President didn’t wear a wedding ring, I would think it was lame and I would judge him (hey, I’m being honest!). However, since their culture is different than ours, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.

We live in the US and I would be downright LIVID if my husband had said he wasn’t going to wear a wedding band. Ring tattoo, anyone? 🙂

April 1, 2011 at 10:53 am

karijo09

I agree with you. It would definitely hurt my feelings if Noah didn’t wear a wedding band. In fact, we spent more time searching for the perfect ring for him than we did for me! I think it’s something we both look at and think of the perfect union of a marriage and all that sappy symbolism. 🙂

April 1, 2011 at 11:00 am

Life of a Doctor's Wife

It would hurt my feelings if my husband didn’t wear his ring… Then again, my father and my FIL – both who are happily married for nearly 40 years (not to each other, obvs!) – don’t wear wedding bands. So I don’t know how I feel about it… It seems disrespectful in some ways… But like you pointed out, it’s not the RING that makes a marriage strong or happy…

I guess I am conflicted. I suppose if Kate is okay with it, I should be?

April 1, 2011 at 11:27 am

kateastrophe

SO, my thoughts on the whole ring thing come from sort of a different place. My Mom was single from the time I was five until just before I turned 19. She was always sort of on the look out for a great guy and naturally, she’d do a ring check. She discovered that SO many married men weren’t wearing wedding rings and found herself in some uncomfortable positions because of this. She would get really frustrated because it’s not like it’s difficult to wear a band…guys can even get a tiny one! It’s only fair, right?!

Now, I understand that there are men who simply can’t most of the time. My father-in-law and brother-in-law are an electrician and a helicopter mechanic and you hear horror stories about men getting their fingers ripped off, so I get that. Also, my f-i-l has horrific arthritis and hasn’t been able to find a ring that goes over his inflamed knuckles in almost 20 years. But the brother-in-law puts his on when he’s not at work and out and about.

I get that most of the world doesn’t wear rings, but in England and America, it means something and it’s tradition and I think when possible, men should wear wedding rings. Yes, we all know Prince William will be married and all that stuff but seriously! It’s not like he’s not wearing a bunch of other random jewelry/pins/extravagant things to show he’s a prince and I already knew THAT too. He wears those decorations with pride and you’d think he’d want to show that same pride for his beautiful wife.

Ahem. Longest. Comment. Ever. Sooorrryyy!

April 1, 2011 at 11:51 am

molly

Yes, this. Exactly. More well said than my early morning ramble.

April 1, 2011 at 11:58 am

kim

Maybe it has to do with his line of work? In the helicopter for the Air Force, pulling people out of tricky spots, maybe his ring can get caught? My dad is a mechanic and doesn’t wear his ring to work bc if it gets caught – he loses a finger. But he does wear it all other times.

April 1, 2011 at 12:15 pm

Sassafras

I would not be happy if my husband decided not to wear a ring.

My father-in-law didn’t wear a wedding ring but my mother-in-law did. He was in the navy and always had jobs where he used his hands a lot so I think that is why. The ironic thing is that I noticed after my mother-in-law passed that he started wearing it again.

April 1, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Kerri

My dad never wore a wedding band (and he and my mom have been happily married for 35 years), but I think the fact that he didn’t made it even more important for my husband to wear one. Thankfully, he had always planned on wearing a wedding band even though his dad doesn’t wear one either.

I must say that even after being married, seeing the ring on his finger is one of my biggest pleasures. It makes me smile every time. He said that every time he sees the ring he thinks of me – isn’t that the perfect purpose?

April 1, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Nell

Molly, I agree with you about it be symbolic and I would want that. But their are differences for other couples. And no one is going to not know that he is married… especially with all this media attention

PS LOVE LOVE YOUR BLOG

April 1, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Momfish

If my husband told me he wasn’t going to wear his ring for any reason that wasn’t practical, I would never have married him.

The marriage commitment is very, very, very serious and the outward confession of that commitment is one of the things that can protect it and celebrate it. It doesn’t matter if the band cost $2 or $2,000 – it is a symbol of faithfulness that I take very personally. I also think it can act as an example for others, get them asking questions about your spouse (which is a positive thing), and keep you accountable as well.

🙂 That’s just my two cents, though.

April 1, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Jessica

This is a really interesting, thought-provoking post. I work in a lab and wear gloves the majority of the time, therefore, I rarely ever wear rings. They can rip gloves and put me in a dangerous situation, plus with all the handwashing once the gloves are off, moisture can get trapped under the ring and make my finger itch. My guy, however, works in an office. If he wants, he can wear a ring everyday. We’re not married yet, but I feel like once we do, it will be up to us individually if we want to wear a ring or not. I guess what I’m trying to say with my anecdote, is that it’s a personal preference. I don’t think I would have ever thought twice about Wills not wearing a ring had I not read you blog post.

April 1, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Erin

And it’s not like Wills has a job where he couldn’t wear the ring. Does he have a job other than being the prince? (I know Harry is a pilot or something but he’s not the direct heir, I somehow doubt William has another jOb. But I could be wrong.)

Everyone saying it’s a cultural thing — do British women wear wedding rings generally? Is it that rings in general aren’t as common in the UK or just men’s rings? I’m just curious.

April 1, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Sasha

I don’t agree with you because I don’t think a ring symbolizes anything.

April 1, 2011 at 2:14 pm

girlsquared

Thanks, mentioning this! I agree with you. I wonder if he has stated why he isn’t going to wear it.

April 1, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Mama Violet

My husband doesn’t have a ring. No worries. I have an engagement ring but we never got around to getting bands. We’re more focused on the marriage than piece of gold.

April 1, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Jenna

Have to agree with Mama Violet. Rings are too connected to the jewelry industry for me to get that worked up over it. I wear mine, but mostly because I think they are pretty. No one hits on me after having a baby anyway!

April 1, 2011 at 2:59 pm

mrs case

when charles finally married the woman he actually loved, camilla, he did indeed start wearing a ring.

it is my understanding that many people in the military do not wear a ring for safety issues. it isnt like the entire world doesnt know he is married!

i think it is ass-wipe-ish, too, though. it is a respect issue for me.

my husband is a mechanic and could be killed on the job wearing a ring (electrocution) so his solution was to get his ring tattooed on. when he is nt working he wears a traditional ring.

April 1, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Jen

I think it’s an interesting post. The British take on this is different than the North American one though. Plus, the media makes a big deal of whatever William & Kate do, no matter how trivial. This was a good post! I’m Canadian, and was curious to see if there’s any interest in the royal wedding south of the border – interesting to see that there is!

April 1, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Shaba

I feel the same way about engaged couples. Why does the man get to go around looking all “single” when I would be obviously taken, symbolized by a diamond on my left hand?
My fiance wore an engagement ring the entire 14 months we were engaged.

April 1, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Kate

1. I grew up thinking it is weird that my friend’s father wore one, because mine didn’t.

2. It is a cultural thing, and not every culture is the same as yours.

3. The Prince of Wales actual does have a wedding ring that he wears along with his signet ring.

April 1, 2011 at 10:14 pm

Pink

Shaba, full points for that comment. I feel the Same way.

April 1, 2011 at 11:40 pm

Kristen

My best friend’s dad is from London. It’s pretty common knowledge (no offense whatsoever) that the men aren’t big into wearing wedding bands, and it’s not seen as a big deal. Just thought I’d add some perspective!

April 1, 2011 at 11:59 pm

Dani

I didn’t read any of the other comments, just wanted to post my own 🙂

I don’t feel any particular way about the royals and their choice of wearing or not wearing wedding bands. I personally don’t think it matters. I think back and honestly cannot remember a time when my parents wore theirs, so I am sure this is why I feel the way I do.

I think when I am married I will wear a band for awhile, but at some point I know I’ll want different jewelry on…I’m sure that’s just me though.

April 2, 2011 at 2:31 am

Kez

I think any couple will decide what’s right for them, but the double standard does seem glaringly obvious.
My hubby can’t wear his wedding ring while working but whenever he’s representing us socially or he is at home being loving, he wears it. It’s a public showing of your love and devotion and I have to admit that I like that.

April 2, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Catherine

Men wearing a wedding band is more of a North American thing, and I think with Prince William everyone knows he is married, which is basically the function of a wedding ring anyways.

April 2, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Sarah S @RunningOnWords

I will say that the Russian men I worked with did not wear rings and the Russian women all did (on their right hands). That being said, I would be pissed if my husband stopped wearing his or had refused to wear one. I guess I feel like I probably don’t have the right to judge since I don’t know how typical male wedding bands are in England, but you make a good point that a high profile man with a long history of family infidelity may look suspect if he refuses to wear a ring.

April 2, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Megan

Agreed. Double standard!

April 4, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Keri

As someone getting married in two months (EEK!) I would be hurt if my husband-to-be didn’t wear his wedding band. But I have to admit I have mixed feelings on the topic.

The wedding band is symbolic in many ways but it also shows the person is “taken”. Kind of makes me feel like we are marking our territory. Lol. And it’s true that wedding band or not…if that person was going to have an affair; they’d do it. Wearing it won’t stop them.

I’ve never seen my father wear his. He used to but he hurt his hand and had to have it cut off. He still keeps it in a drawer but obviously can’t wear it.

To each their own, I guess. I’m happy my fiance wants to wear his! 🙂

April 4, 2011 at 1:07 pm

I Am Slowly Drifting

[…] Friday, a fellow blogger posted her vert valid thoughts on the situation which ignited some discussion. I guess I did not […]

April 4, 2011 at 3:41 pm

DevilsHeaven

Interesting to read this since I just gave my husband what-for for going out without his. We both take ours off when we get home, which many people who I tell this to think is weird. For us it is a comfort thing. That aside, I expect him to wear his when he is out of the house, just like I do. His come back has been “Well, I know I’m married to you.” I finally told him exactly what I felt, I feel insulted that you don’t want OTHER people to know you’re married.
And wearing a wedding ring is very much a cultural thing. Before I was married a co-worker from India saw my toe ring (it was summer, open toed shoes) and asked me if I was married. In her culture TOE RINGS, one on each foot, is how you tell if someone is married. On the women at least, we didn’t discuss what; if anything the men wear. But I do agree even though everyone who owns a tv will know that will and kate are married, he should still wear one.

April 4, 2011 at 4:22 pm

This would bother me if I was Kate. Yes he is so well known and everyone in the world knows that he will be married, but why not wear one? He doesn’t have a job that would preclude him from wearing one. But hey, if she is okay with him not wearing one then I guess that is what counts in the end.

April 4, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Leigh

Your take on this is ethnocentrism at its finest (or worst, rather). Maybe try doing some research on other culture’s customs and traditions before passing judgement?

April 4, 2011 at 4:49 pm

molly

Hi Leigh,

I tried to respond to you privately, but Gmail sent it back stating an invalid address.

While I admit I was naive to the cultural norm of men in the UK not wearing a ring, I wasn’t exactly passing judgement on a culture as a whole. I expressed an opinion and opened the door for discussion.

The main point of my post was that
*I* would be hurt if my husband didn’t wear a rung

April 4, 2011 at 5:10 pm

molly

Ring, rather.

April 4, 2011 at 9:54 pm

Kelly | Glamour This

My husband doesn’t wear rings. Before we met, during our dating/engagement or now after our wedding. I knew this when we got married, hence why we got him an inexpensive ring. It’s not important to him, but does that make him love me less? Make him less of a father? I don’t think so.

Yes, secretly I would love for him to wear a ring once in a while… but honestly it’s not important to me. It doesn’t hurt my feelings because everyone knows we are married, and if they don’t then I don’t know where they’ve been. He speaks highly of me and expresses his love for me through communication (to others) so honestly, I much rather have someone talk about “his wife” on a daily basis then just have a ring that doesn’t say much 😉

I understand where you are coming from, but I guess it depends the person. You can have men who don’t wear rings and who will be faithful/honest to their spouse for the rest of their lives, and those who wear the ring and in their hearts doesn’t mean anything to them. Not implying that’s all men… but I’ve seen it happen, one too many times.

April 5, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Postcards

I’m British and agree with the other commenters that it’s really not that common over here for men to wear rings. Some choose not to for practical reasons (my father never did as he was on building sites a lot and it’s too dangerous), others don’t like jewellery. My husband’s ring is stainless steel and only cost £6 as he just wanted one for the ceremony and very rarely wears it. There’s very little pressure on men here to have them which is why it’s not a big deal to Brits that William won’t be wearing one. In fact, you ask most men over here and they have NO idea which finger it would go on!

Interestingly, I’ve only heard about this piece of news via American blogs and sites. But I would never call this ethnocentrism!

April 5, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Postcards

PS Erin – yes, British women do tend to wedding rings.

And William does have another job outside of being a prince – he’s a search and rescue pilot in the RAF (where he goes under the name William Wales).

April 21, 2011 at 4:13 am

endyluo2026

Good example….

April 28, 2011 at 9:39 am

JWMcCabe

Maybe most Englishmen do not wear wedding rings but the Scots do.. So do the Irish. Also, the Prince may have an allergy or it could be for his safety as a Royal since he is abroad a lot.

May 31, 2011 at 2:17 am

Toni

My husband hasnt worn his wedding band for years. he likes to wear several rings,a birthstone and college graduation. I dont wear a wedding ring but wear a gold signet ring with our intials on my left pinky finger.

February 4, 2013 at 12:27 am

Leonard