I struggle with confidence.
Not in every aspect of my life. I know that if you put me on stage I’ll dance my heart out, no matter who’s watching. I know that I can write a story that will capture someone’s attention. I know I can walk — even run — in high heels and when I strut it, believe me, I strut with confidence.
But my confidence seems to waiver when it comes to work. I don’t know why that is. I mean, I proved myself by beating out almost 100 candidates to receive my first job. I didn’t know a thing about public relations then, but I learned. And I did a good job. By the time I left I was so confident there…that I was afraid to leave.
I basically got recruited for my current job and have been given a lot of responsibility already. But even as I work through my daily tasks I catch myself wondering — am I doing well?
I hate the doubt. Little by little I try to push through it. Do a task, even if you do it wrong. Speak up in the meeting, even if you’re wrong.
That’s what it is. The fear of being wrong. And anyone who works in PR knows that sometimes, you’re just going to be wrong. An editor isn’t always going to like your idea. A client might feel you’re not taking the right approach for their product. And a good publicist needs to be able to say OK, I was wrong.
And move on.
So I’m working on it. Day by day, little by little. I hope that the saying you gotta fake it to make it is true. If I keep telling myself I’m confident and working towards my goal, eventually I’m going to get there.
Right?
One thing I am confident about if my shoe advice. So check out this week’s installment below.
21 comments
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April 16, 2008 at 10:16 am
Rose
You’re definately not the only struggling with this. I think confidence comes with age and experience.. you’ll get there! 😉
April 16, 2008 at 10:22 am
Are You Willing to Change
I echo Rose – I struggle with this all the time at work. I have thoughts and opinions and I want to speak up on a conference call or in a meeting but what if I’m wrong and what if people laugh or think my comment is dumb. I don’t know…I’m working on it too.
April 16, 2008 at 11:32 am
Mike
Hey…seeing as how I’m the one who selected you from that field of 100, let me say what I’ve said before. You can do this. I know this. Your new boss knows this. And, I truly believe you know this. The tools are there. And, I’ve said this before, too, but let me say it to this blogging world — who probably agrees with me — there’s going to be a day when Erin, who is 10 months, is going to be so excited to go Barnes & Noble to meet her favorite chick-lit author. And I’m going tell her, Erin, no worries, you know who gave Molly her first job? Yup, your dad. So we’re in, kid. She’ll take good care of you.
April 16, 2008 at 12:22 pm
littlespoon
No worries! You can do anything you put your mind to! 🙂
April 16, 2008 at 12:25 pm
khaki584
confidence is a hard thing to gain, but it’ll happen. I’m still at the age where I’m learning to be confident in who I am after college, it’s definitely challenging.
April 16, 2008 at 12:35 pm
verybadcat
Working in a position that I’m technically not qualified for (no degree), I can tell you that a certain amount of doubt will keep you from getting overly confident, which is death in the business world. Anything other than enough doubt to think through things as thoroughly as possible will just paralyze you.
One day I realized that if all these people around me believe in me and my work, then I had a choice to believe them or continue to torture myself with doubt and the fear of being “found out”. Somewhere along the way, I gave myself permission to make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. They aren’t proof that I’m a fraud and a failure.
Your former boss, your new boss, and the entire blogosphere believes in you. Fake it till you make it, babe! 🙂
April 16, 2008 at 12:38 pm
dreamgrrl
Aww what a great comment from Mike. and SO true. Its easy to not feel confident in the business world, but again, like you said – fake it to make it. there’s something to be said for visualizing what you want/need to happen and it actually being true b/c of those thoughts. You can do it, you have a lot of people behind you. And there’s nothing wrong with being wrong – no one is perfect! 🙂
April 16, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Valerie
I have the same problem about confidence. At my new job I just kinda got thrown to the wolves—which I like, because I already knew how to do everything—but on that same token I didn’t really get much feedback. Of course my boss says “that looks good” when I give her an ad I designed, but I don’t get an overall “you’re doing a great job Valerie” and it makes me doubt myself.
I just have to keep telling myself that I am AWESOME, and remember, you beat out those 100 other people for a REASON.
April 16, 2008 at 1:16 pm
pinkhighheels
Hi there Molly! I’m a first time commenter, but I experience this on almost a daily basis with my job also. I’m with the masses here.. but fake it till you make it =) =)
April 16, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Peter
I sometimes lack confidence… in the bedroom.
No. Honestly.
No matter how in tune I am to her needs. No matter how generous I am. No matter how skilled I am. Or even how much stretching I did beforehand. Sometimes I wondering if she is really as satisfied as I would want her to be.
And then she hands me my $250 for my hours work and I feel good about myself again.
April 16, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Ashley
word to what mike said. i had confidence in you before you started because i know how incredibly smart and talented you are at everything you do. you fit in awesomely (is that a word) here and i dont know what i’d do if you weren’t around. ❤
April 16, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Ashley
word to what mike said. i had confidence in you before you started because i know how incredibly smart and talented you are at everything you do. you fit in awesomely (is that a word) here and i dont know what i’d do if you weren’t around. ❤
April 16, 2008 at 1:37 pm
bing
I’m sure you are doing great. But I know exactly what you mean though. I work in PR too, and sometimes you think you have this awesome idea and no one bites. But it’s not the end of the world, there’s always another angle to the story that might lure them in next time. Don’t be afraid to speak up. It could be an awesome idea that everyone loves. And if it isn’t, laugh it off and say it was just a thought! 🙂
April 16, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Melissa
My boss made a comment at our last staff meeting about not being afraid to make mistakes because if we’re not making mistakes then we’re probably not trying hard enough. We’ve vowed to remind her of that the next time we screw up.
April 16, 2008 at 2:18 pm
cdp
Part of my degree (half of my double major) is in PR. And I can see you being ridiculously good at your job. Like, scary good.
I think we can all relate to the doubt on some level. I was thinking about this with the big paper I’ve been working on and freaking out about. The thing about trying your hardest is not really in the trying, it’s in the part where you know that if you fail, you really couldn’t have done any better. That’s scary stuff.
as usual, i love you and everything you write; and I am still a little giddy from checking out those shoes earlier. my feet took one look at those and let out a big sigh. xo
April 16, 2008 at 2:48 pm
DevilsHeaven
I find if you admit to your mistakes and try to figure out where it all went wrong, people forgive you more easily. Who hasn’t made a mistake? If you truly strongly believe you are lacking in some area, take a class! You’ll probably discover you’re better than you thought you were.
Because, really, anyone who can pull off the Molly Curl has GOT TO BE Talented. 😉
April 17, 2008 at 3:17 am
Hope
Everyone has already said what I wanted to say (even Peter), so I won’t repeat it.
But, I wanted to say that you are so lucky to have had such a great first boss, his comments to you always make me smile. And although I am sure he is pretty great, I think it also shows how great you are.
Also, you’re right. Your shoe advice is priceless!
April 17, 2008 at 7:08 am
Laurie Kendrick
Creative people struggle with confidence hourly.
I know I do.
We live in a world (and blogosphere, if you’ve read my blog lately, then you’d know it received a ridiculously negative review) that’s at times, difficult. We’re reminded by people and TV shows and magazine articles that “we’re not good enough…thin enough…pretty enough…dressed well…drive the right cars…make enough money….the list of ego detractors reads like a scroll.
It’s up to us to be able to look in the mirror and like what we see. And we should never look for other people to define us. Though in our line of work Molly, that’s often easier said than done.
We empower people to make us feel “less than”. We shouldn’t go around with a misplaced sense of arrogance either. We have to find a happy medium. Be strong and confidence when we need to be and humble when appropriate. We walk a fine line. And when our balance is off, it can become a razor thin tightrope.
You’ve got a wonderful readership, a dutiful fiance and and a gift of words.
Let this fuel you, Molly
And let this take your mind off everything.
I happened upon this and thought you and your readers would get a kick out of it. As I inch closer to planning my own emotional merger with my Michael equivalent, things like this just pop out at me.
It’s called “And The Bride Wore”.
Enjoy!
http://www.visi.com/~dheaton/bride/the_bride_wore.html
LK
April 17, 2008 at 7:29 am
Ashley
I am exactly the same way! I doubt myself and my abilities to the point of extreme unfairness, until I am in the job and see and get good feedback that I’m doing well, like right now. I was scared shitless to start my job because I thought i would fail miserably. I haven’t yet, but now I’m more confident that even if i do screw up, it won’t be the end of the world and I will still have a job.
I hope.
🙂
April 19, 2008 at 4:18 pm
JenBun
If you’re doing the best job you can, then you’re doing your job! And I’m sure you ROCK IT, girl!
You’re awesome! 🙂
April 22, 2008 at 8:19 am
JC
For some reason the song
“every little step I take” by bobby brown is buzzing thru my head right now after reading your blog here.